Sorry for the obscenely long delay in the MST3K Project, but expect more regular updates from now on.
Stranded in Space is a very middle-of-the-road episode: it’s amusing enough, but the movie is dull and seems to drag and the riffing rarely rises above being merely amusing. Forgettable is probably the best way to describe it: I couldn’t remember much about the episode even a couple days later, let alone several months.
The story is that an astronaut crash lands on a mirror Earth called Terra, which is run by a totalitarian government. He escapes, joins up with the resistance, and then some stuff happens and he ends up on the run. Like I said, it’s pretty forgettable.
The best thing about the movie was easily Cameron Mitchell as the chief bag-guy. Mitchell actually managed to inject some life into the character so that he was something other than just one-note-evil. Actually, the best scenes in the film all involve the bad guys, who are generally decent characters professionally acted, while the heroes are all boring and generic.
The riffing is only so-so, with only a few laugh out loud moments. Most of the best riffs come towards the end. The Host segments are generally decent, with one or two great bits. The best one is probably Joel and the Bots as villains with Tibby as Joel’s evil pet.
So, all in all, a very average episode, and since it’s been so long since I’ve seen it, there’s not a lot to say. Sorry.
Opening: Joel has fashioned the bots into an at-home shooting gallery. He also gives the premise and explains that the Mads made the opening and are selling the results of the show to public cable. Incidentally, Joel’s being kind of mean here, even though the bots don’t seem to be aware.
Invention: The bots are still in the shooting gallery, but now in “Apple Dumpling Gang” mode. Wow, that takes me back…anyway, Joel has an update on the ‘bang gun.’ The Mads also have variants on the theme. Amusing.
Film ventures credits again: the credits done over scenes of a completely different movie (don’t know which one this time). Actually, the clips over the credits looked more interesting than the film.
After the credits we cut to three astronauts in a space ship.
Ground control: “You should be close-enough in about seven days for us to skin-paint you on our radar.”
Servo: “Skin paint? Well, I guess I’ll try anything once…”
Astronaut: “Aside from the fact we’re not a hundred percent sure we’re on the right trajectory, everything’s great.”
Crow: “And we ran out of Oxygen two days ago.”
(astronauts sign off)
Servo: “So, whose turn was it?”
One of the astronauts mentions a new wife, thus sealing his fate.
Astronaut: “I’d like a nice, thick, juicy…”
(ship starts rocking)
Crow: “Seizure!”
The ship tumbles over and over while they thrash around.
Crow: “We’re having Ray Bolger practice.”
And cut to a hospital, where the chief astronaut is laid up.
Nurse: “Meanwhile you have these beautiful flowers: they keep coming in by the truck-load.”
Servo: “They’re all poppies.”
Doctor comes in to talk to astronaut. Turns out he’s been there for two weeks with no outside knowledge.
Doctor: “Emotionally…”
Crow: “You’re a little girl.”
Astronaut (named Neil) notes that he doesn’t recognize anyone.
Neil: “What about our flight surgeon?”
Servo: “Uh, we had to shoot him. He had a broken leg.”
And we pan out to see that he’s being secretly monitored through his wall…by Cameron Mitchell!
Doctor reveals something’s up by not knowing who Paul Revere was.
Cameron: “I have some doubts too Doctor, mostly about how you’re handling this.”
Servo: “You think you’re the only one who hurts?”
Cameron: “I can’t devote my whole life to this man, this one man.”
Servo: “Oh, he wants to play the field, eh?”
Neil wakes up and clonks the guy trying to drug him, then makes his escape.
Servo: “Well, I think he’s getting better.”
Joel: “Oh, I’ve had dreams like this, I’m gunshot, I’m really late for class, and I don’t have a hall pass!”
Anyway, Neil gets a change of clothes and makes his escape.
Cameron has his men shoot what he thinks is Neil:
Joel: “Now we make him talk.”
Turns out it was a pile of laundry.
Joel: “Oh, they shot my other turtlenecks.”
Servo: “Oh, no, they killed Snuggles!”
First Host Segment: Servo and Crow have their TV trading cards. Servo has a complete “Love Boat” set he wants to trade for Crow’s “Columbo” villains collection. It’s amusing more than funny.
We rejoin our hero in a phone-booth.
Servo: “Hey, no coin-slot, this is a better world!”
Phone operator hasn’t heard of Cape Kennedy…or Orlando…or Florida.
Operator: “Would you like to speak to my supervisor?”
Servo: “Your supervisor, Mr. Stalin?”
Neil picks up a ride, then notices there are three moons.
Truck-driver: “So where’re you headed?”
Joel: “Well, I was headed for Florida, but I guess you ain’t got one of those!”
Neil finally discovers he’s not on Earth.
Cameron gives a public-service announcement about our hero to a board of directors, noting that he must be eradicated.
Servo: “Boy, you know how many TV series would be wiped out if this room were blown up?”
Doctor: “He’s one man, alone!”
Cameron: “One. Man. Alone.”
Crow: “Go shoot yourself.”
Cameron gives one of those ‘perfect order’ talks, about how everyone thinks alike, feels alike, etc.
Cameron: “Then someone comes along…”
Joel: “And doesn’t pay Union dues!”
Cameron: “Then we have no quarrel, have we doctor?”
Servo: “No, but I’m gonna whip your butt at racket-ball later.”
Joel pulls himself up to Doctor’s lips and kisses him.
Servo: “He needed that.”
Cameron puts his hand on a bookcase.
Servo: “You know, this bookcase used to slide.”
An actually nice detail that Cameron supports the oppressive government because he genuinely believes it prevents suffering like the kind he’s experienced.
Cameron sends the doctor to “Ward-E.”
Cut back to Neil.
Crow: “Funny how space looks a lot like Sacramento.”
Turns out everyone’s left-handed except Neil.
And bombastic martial music comes out of the radio, followed by propaganda. Neil suspiciously bails as the radio starts warning about him.
He wanders into a book shop.
Crow: “Well, at least they’ve got a Barnes and Nobel.”
He finds a history book, which starts about thirty-years ago: the beginning of “the Perfect Order.”
Old Man reminisces about the time before the perfect order, when people seemed to laugh more…
Servo: “Children pulled apart like fresh bread…”
Old Man notes Neil is injured, lets him rest in his room upstairs.
Crow: “His name isn’t Yoda, is it?”
Joel: “Oh, if this is ever great! I’ve got a place to live and a brand-new Dad!”
Old Guy goes down stairs suspiciously.
Crow: “Well, he’ll be perfect for my experiment.”
He calls the hospital on him.
Crow: “Oh, great, a planet full of tattletales!”
Old Man comes it to announce to Neil he’s called a doctor over.
Crow: “Oh, uh, do you got a straight-razor? I want to shave my wrists…”
Neil pawns some scissors.
Turns out the doctor is the woman who betrayed him back at the hospital.
Joel: “Well, if it isn’t little miss ‘I-wont-tell-a-soul!”
Girl: “If I needed to know more they would have told me.”
Crow (sarcastically): “Because they’re perfect.”
Girl: “When you’ve recovered you’ll be treated as an honored guest.”
Crow: “With savage beatings.”
Neil agrees to go back with her and to turn himself into Dr. Revere.
Crow: “Yes, it worked! I’m going to score on an interplanetary scale!”
They start fighting over the wheel (he lied, of course).
She flips on a radio secretly and transmits their conversation to the authorities.
He makes her stop.
Crow: “Now pucker-up, buttercup!”
She tries to signal an approaching car, he kisses her to cover.
Servo (as passing drivers): “Heh, heh, they’re gettin’ some action! Pull over, Earl.”
And she slaps him and runs off.
Servo: “So, does he get to keep the car?”
He keeps asking her where he can get help, despite the fact that he has absolutely no reason to trust her.
And she lets something slip about her brother, turns out he’s disappeared. This convinces her to help him.
Second Host Segment: Servo is cooking, Crow had a nightmare (it’s disturbing), and they discuss what ‘Ward-E’ might be. It’s all disturbing. Humorously disturbing (especially Crow’s nightmare).
We return, and now he’s driving (why? It’s her car, and he doesn’t know the way).
Neil: “I don’t even know your name.”
Servo: “I’m THX-1138”
Crow: “That’s pretty, that’s my mother’s name.”
Cut back to Cameron. He gets a call from some superior of his.
And back to our heroes, where we meet a pig-farmer feeding his pigs.
Crow: “’Cops’ is filmed on location in this guy’s yard.”
Joel (as girl): “Oscar! I brought another infidel to see you!”
Girl: “He says he’s an astronaut from a planet called Earth.”
Crow (as farmer): “Oh, that’s great! I’ll get the sedative.”
Farmer jokes about the pigs being spies.
And back to Cameron, where he enters a large, empty throne room (which I’m pretty sure is a reused ‘Twilight-Zone’ set) with a tribunal.
Crow: “You’re late, Number 2.”
Crow: “Do you have a two-minute song prepared?”
Tribunal guy compliments Cameron, then expresses concern about the escape of Neil.
(This is actually a rather well-done scene, with the pseudo-friendly attitude of the tribunal guy genuinely coming across as pretty threatening).
Farmer (actually a Professor) gives the scientific background (it’s typically ridiculous). Basically, the planet’s developed simultaneously and the exact same way in mirror image. Sure.
Cut to some video screens.
Servo: “Hey, it’s the Ms. Alternate Universe pageant!”
Back to Farmer etc.
They discuss the Perfect Order, opposition, etc.
We finally get some info on “Ward-E.”
Servo: “Lobotomy means never having to say you’re sorry.”
Cameron interrogates Doctor.
Doctor doesn’t respond.
Servo: “He’s been like this ever since he started watching MTV.”
Back to our heroes.
Farmer: “You can’t deny an old man the only pleasure he has left in his life. Outwitting the perfect order.”
Crow: “Oh, I’m glad you said that!”
Farmer has heart-flutter, injects himself with medicine.
Joel: “Oh, great. He drinks, he does drugs, and he’s gonna get me off this planet. Right.”
They start planning to get Neil off the planet…then we cut to Neil and girl saying good-bye. They kiss…
Then she drives off.
Crow: “Spooky chick, huh doc? Doc? Hey, doc!”
She arrives home to meet Cameron. He drives off with her.
Crow: “She’s history.”
Cut to farmer and Neil bluffing their way into the launch facility.
Farmer: “Here, his credentials.”
Servo: “Let’s see…uh, this is a pamphlet on colon cancer, sir.”
Crow: “Oh, I, uh, put it through the wash…and…uh…”
Farmer (bluffing): “Isn’t anything of first quality anymore?”
Joel: “Yeah, our security is, pops.”
Servo: “This is really strict security for getting your film out of a photo-mat.”
Amazingly, it works.
Crow: “Lot of Chryslers on their planet.”
Farmer and hero are going over their plan, farmer has another attack, has to run home to get medicine.
Crow: “Note to myself: pack more life-saving liquid.”
Joel: “Always someone at the door when I’m about to shoot-up.”
Girl shows up at farmer’s door. She’s beaten up, but she says she didn’t talk.
She wants to see Neil, but when she can’t she drives off.
Back to launch facility.
Neil runs into a guy who apparently recognizes him (no idea who), pulls a letter-opener on him.
Crow: “No! I’m not a letter!”
Neil knocks him out and tosses him in a dumpster.
Third Host Segment: They’re all dressed up as Cameron Mitchell and are playing villains. Joel has Tibby as his villainous pet and is ordering the bots to kill various TV heroes. Crow and Servo don’t quite get the euphemisms. It’s great!
Girl is actually leading Farmer into a trap. She’s been turned, you see.
Meanwhile, Neil’s still sneaking around the place.
He knocks out a guard and steals his gun. He then uses it to take the astronaut’s uniform.
Girl again tries to get Farmer to tell her where Neil is.
Rather nice scene where Cameron and his underling discuss the possibility of underling getting Cameron’s job if Neil escapes, underling reaffirms his loyalty to Cameron.
Crow: “Uh, get your hand off my leg, sir.”
Neil is about to suit up when Farmer and Girl show up.
And Cameron and goons are right behind them.
Girl slips up and reveals her new allegiance. Farmer gets gunned down by goons.
(by the way, shouldn’t the resistance have some sort of code-phrase to weed out spies?)
Neil makes a break for it down the tunnel to the launch pad.
Neil shoots a guy
Joel: “That one’s for Florida!”
He’s a preternaturally good shot, by the way.
And he seems to have an infinite number of bullets.
Crow: “The most dramatic confrontation since Rommel met J.C.”
Neil shoots Cameron in the arm.
Joel: “That’s for Paul Revere! The real one!”
Underling: “Are you alright.”
Crow: “Oh, sure. OF COURSE I’M NOT ALRGIHT! I got a slug in the arm!”
And he emerges somehow between two groups of goons.
Crow: “Lot of sexual tension, though.”
He jumps into the ocean and blows up an oxygen tank as he goes (actually kind of cool).
Cameron: “Thanks to the Perfect Order we have one great family on Terra.”
Servo: “A dysfunctional family, sure, but…”
(on Neil’s dog-tags)
Servo: “Oh, he dropped the thing that’s gonna drive the whole series!”
Oh, and I don’t mean to shock you, but it turns out Neil survived.
Servo: “He’s his own From Here to Eternity.”
He meets a beach-guy
Beach-Guy: “What happened?”
Servo: “*cough* from other planet…thing crashed…have girlfriend….blew stuff up…”
Servo makes a reference to Mike Nelson!
Joel: “Does that guy realize that he’s gonna get a lobotomy for fraternizing with that guy?”
And with a final voice-over, we get the credits with the footage from the other movie.
Final Segment: Servo’s a TV exec. He doesn’t see much potential in “Stranded in Space” for a series. It’s great. Servo does a tour-de-force and even makes a letter funny! The Mads do the ‘you might replace me’ scene from the film.
Stinger: Girl slaps hero after a pregnant pause. Not bad. I might have gone with “people seemed to laugh more then.” But this is perfectly acceptable.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
2. The Crawling Eye
3. The Black Scorpion
4. Gamera vs. Barugon
5. Mad Monster
6. Lost Continent
7. Gamera
8. First Spaceship to Venus
9. Stranded in Space
10. Rocketship XM
11. Moon Zero Two
12. Godzilla vs. Megalon
13. The Crawling Hand
14. Catalina Caper
15. King Dinosaur
16. Jungle Goddess
17. Wild Rebels
18. The Corpse Vanishes
19. Ring of Terror
20. Untamed Youth
21. The Slime People
22. Project Moonbase
23. The Sidehackers
24. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
25. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
26. Cave Dwellers
27. Pod People
28. Hellcats
29. Rocket Attack USA
30. Robot Holocaust
31. Robot Monster
Conclusion: A lame, though not-awful made-for-TV flick coupled with so-so riffing makes for a very average episode.
Final Rating: 6/10.
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