Okay! Mst3k Reviews are officially back on the air, thanks to tirol9 from YouTube! So, until I reach the next unavailable episode, expect reviews every week or so.
Wild Rebels is another one of those episodes which I enjoyed despite not expecting too much. The ‘Biker’ film genre is one I have little knowledge of and even less interest in, but the film’s sheer stupidity, coupled with the solid riffing made this an extremely enjoyable episode.
The film revolves around Rod; a bland, down-on-his-luck race-car driver who goes undercover in a biker gang consisting of pseudo-intelligent leader Cheetah, hot-headed Banjo, just-plain-stupid Fats, and biker-chick Linda, who inexplicably falls for Rod and he for her. Anyway, there’s some stuff about robbing and Linda repeatedly rhapsodizes about being in it for ‘kicks,’ then they try to knock over a small-town bank as their big-score (lots of hilarious quips about how little money this bank could possibly offer), Rod alerts the cops, leading to a bloody chase and shoot-out at a lighthouse inexplicably located in a bayou. All the bikers and about a dozen cops are slaughtered before Linda is arrested and Rod patted on the back as he sadly watches her go.
Like I said, the film is frequently incredibly stupid; for instance, the head cop mentions that the bikers are too ‘smart’ to get arrested, as they clean up and there are never any witnesses. This just after they had beaten up three guys in the middle of a crowded bar and just walked out! The movie features a gun-shop owner who loads his customer’s guns for them, cops who one minute can’t hit a big burly guy just standing two feet away and the next can pick off a guy at the top of a lighthouse with a snub-nosed revolver, and…well, lots of stuff like that. The riffing is generally very funny, although there are frequent dry spells of merely amusing comments (like most season 2 episodes). It really gets going towards the end, however, and pretty much the last fifteen-twenty minutes is a riot.
Host segment wise, the episode is pretty strong, with funny invention exchanges, some very dense writing, and an amusing jingle thrown in. I particularly liked the ‘intellectual bikers’ segment, and the growing chemistry between Frank and Dr. F, which shines here. It’s been said before, but it’s worth repeating that those two really are one of the great comedic duos. A fact that will only become more clear over time.
Thoughts While Watching:
Opening: Gypsy’s role explained. This was motivated by the Brain’s guilt over having their only female character being (in their words) “A dim-witted, cow-like creature play by a man.” This was the beginning of the new Gypsy character whom we would all come to know and love, although she won’t really come into her own for a couple seasons. Joel noticeably flubs his lines here, but covers pretty well.
Invention exchange: Gypsy’s ‘smart’ voice is a lot different from what it will be. Joel is pretty funny here. The Mads have ‘hobby-hogs;’ for kids who look up to bikers. Joel has 3-D pizza (Crow has 3-D glasses); both are pretty funny, especially the Mads and Crow and Tom (at the end there’s a brief-but-funny discussion about that ‘gwuhyew!’ noise Frank makes). This is also the first and, I believe, only time the theater is referred to as the Mystery Science Theater.
The movie opens with a theme song; it’s generic, but kind of catchy (as Crow says)
Tom: (over some blurry, hard-to read credits) and the glaucoma players.
Joel: (over some even worse credits) and here are the people with the really bad agents.
They do an amusing little ‘eye-doctor’ bit over the impossible-to-read credits.
(Guy starts walking away mid-scene)
Joel: Uh, I don’t think this scene’s over yet, Rod.
So, our ‘hero’ is a racer whose car just crashed, leaving him broke.
Now he climbs on top of a car to auction his remaining stuff off (there’s a hilariously obvious continuity error involving a guitar, which is prominently there and then gone).
Rod: Sold…for 450 US dollars.
Crow: Oh, did I tell you I was bidding in Pesos?
And the guitar’s back!
Cut to some bikers. And our hero goes to the same bar!
Servo’s counting out the dance steps!
Gypsy shows up in the theater when someone mentions ‘Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea’ which starred Richard Basehart (the love of her life). One of the few times she shows up in the theater.
Crow does a Maxwell Smart gag!
Random girl shows up in an outfit seemingly designed specifically for my tastes!
A sort of faux-Beatles group is singing a lame rip-off song.
I know I’ve complained about the dancing in these movies before, but I just don’t get the ‘stand at arms length and randomly gyrate’ school of dancing.
Joel gets up and cleans the bar!
Biker: What happened? Chicken began to cackle?
Crow: Leave my chicken out of it!
Biker: I’m Cheetah.
Crow: The fast land-animal.
Bikers are Cheetah, Banjo, and Fats; the leader, the angry one, and the stupid(est) one, respectively.
Cheetah:”…it could mean a lot of bread and an unlimited expense account could be yours.”
Servo: “That means security for you and your loved ones.”
Cheetah: “Linda, baby! Come’ere!”
Crow: (Deep guttural voice) “You rang?”
Bikers beat up some guys for dancing with their Biker chick, Linda. The band doesn’t even stop playing until they’re done!
A couple political jokes here;
(Our hero looks up at a Nazi flag)
Servo: “So, how long have you worked on the David Dukes campaign?”
Some sarcastic quips about the horrible day-for-night photography.
And hero and biker chick IMMEDIATELY start making out!
I like the creaking noises they make as the thin, tight biker-chick walks across the room; and the Penguin laugh as she smokes the cigarette holder.
First Host Segment: Intellectual Bikers! Truman Captoe’s gang is ‘Oscar’s Wild Ones.’
Joel: “Everyone thought Joseph Campbell was tough, but that was just a myth.” It’s hilarious!
Back to the movie.
(as Cheetah exposits very slowly)
Banjo: “Let the man finish!”
Crow: “There’s this whole bit he does at the end!”
Cheetah: “We’re good on bikes, but cars are a different tale.”
Servo: “Apparently they have more wheels on them or something.”
Cheetah lays out the plan…sort of; they use Rod to drive them around and help their capers.
(as Rod leads)
Servo: “Well, I had a great time; you’ll have to come to MY shotgun shack sometime. Take care of your head-injuries, guys!”
Joel: “Uh, well let me just say I wish your business the best; thanks for the wine and the use of your chick and everything.”
(as Rod walks out)
Crow: “That’s, uh…that’s the closet.”
(as Rod walks into a circle of cops)
Cop: “Just hold it right there.”
Joel: “We’ve got mood synthesizers; we could kill you from here.”
So, Rod meets up with some cops.
Cop: “They know we can spot their motorcycles so now they’re switching to a car.”
Servo: “Cars are harder to see.”
Wait; the cop says they don’t leave any witnesses; they just beat up three guys in front of an entire bar! Come on!
Oh, and the cop’s repeated talk of how ‘smart’ the bikers are is not making him look good.
Rod: “Yeah, I think they needed me real bad.”
Crow: “They cried.”
(as the cop asks Rod to work for the police)
Joel: “It’s called ‘Operation: Weasel-snitch.’”
(as the camera cuts from the cop to a long pan up Biker-chick’s legs)
Servo: “Lieutenant! You have lovely feet!”
(over a dirty biker room)
Servo: “It looks like Banjo exploded! There’s biker-shrapnel everywhere!”
(as Banjo takes a newspaper)
Servo: “Let me see that…oh, I forgot I can’t read.”
So, the bikers go to Rod’s latest race.
(a car looses a wheel in the race)
Crow: “Hey! The wheel’s winning!”
Joel (loudly, as the cop): “Hi Rod! Remember you’re undercover, don’t talk to anybody!”
Servo: “Sssh!”
Announcer: “All speed records should be shattered today!”
Joel: “Along with a couple of knees, some femurs, and some skulls too.”
Crow: “For those of you watching at home, we have no idea what the HECK IS GOING ON!”
And Rod crashes (on purpose) and his car bursts randomly into flames as soon as he’s clear. At least it doesn’t explode (they probably couldn’t afford it).
‘Leave it to Beaver’ reference!
(as the Bikers welcome Rod in)
Servo: “We’ll get you on medical and dental right away.”
Second Host Segment: Wild Rebels cereal. “It’s like getting hit on the back of the head by a surfboard of flavor!” Pretty funny, especially the way the turn the film’s theme song into a jingle, and the prizes they find inside…
Cheetah: “Remember, baby, don’t signal us until he’s beddy-by.”
Linda: “Don’t sweat it; I know what to do!”
Crow: “What, does she have a babysitting job? Are they going to knock over a preschool?”
Joel starts feeling the biker’s muscles!
Servo (over a suit-of-armor): “Hi, welcome to the twelfth century.”
(about a gun)
Linda: “Can you show me how it works?”
Crow: “Okay, stand against that wall…”
Okay, I refuse to believe any gun-shop owner would be stupid enough to load a gun for a customer.
So…did she shoot him, or what?
And the Bikers just walk it and take everything in the shop.
Linda: “hey, what are you doing Banjo?”
Servo: “Uh, it’s called a gun, dear.”
(as Banjo goes back for ammunition)
Crow: “How are they going to remember what guns they got?”
Servo: “This is the movies, Crow: bullets are bullets.”
Cheetah: “can the music.”
Crow: “Canned music? No way, I’m an artist, I have values!”
(as Linda hands Cheetah the plans)
Servo: “Let’s see; ‘We hold these truths to…’ wait a minute.”
Servo (as Cheetah): “Hey, Rod, we need a few more people nibbling me here; come on over.”
Rod: “But if I’m gonna be your driver, you’re gonna have to tell me what’s happening.”
Joel: “Well, there’s a steering wheel and a pedal…oh will you just get out of here!”
Banjo’s line ‘that square bugs me…HE REALLY BUGS ME!!’ will become a standard call back line.
Rod randomly signals the police for some reason.
(as Rod’s writing something)
Servo: “Note to myself; get new agent.”
(as Rod buries a note)
Crow: “Oh, he’s using a carrier mole!”
So, I don’t get the attraction of the Biker girl and hero on either side; of course, the ‘bad-girls’ in movies almost never appeal to me.
Hero sings a folk-style song. He really doesn’t have that bad a voice.
(as back up magically appears during the musical number)
Crow: “Thank you, brother squirrel for the horn!”
Joel: “Special music by the Ant-Farm Family Singers.”
Servo: “Good thing the Nelson-Riddle Gang is in the next cottage.”
Crow: “Take it chipmunks!”
Linda: “You’re square, baby; so square you look like a box!”
Linda rhapsodizes about the ‘kicks’ she gets from the bikers.
Linda: “You used to get your kicks from having four-hundred horses in front of you and death staring you in the face!”
Crow: “Yeah, but that was when he was in ‘Ben Hur’”
Rod: “I don’t dig you.”
Linda: “Do you dig this?”
(she kisses him)
Servo: “Well, I don’t kno…mmmmhhmm!”
Servo: “Well, at least her three boyfriends aren’t homicidal and looking for something like this.”
And Banjo shows up and starts beating Rod up.
Linda: “You’ve got to stop him, he’s gonna kill him!”
Crow: “Maybe that’s a good thing.”
(as Rod starts winning against Banjo)
Servo: “Looks like Banjo’s a little out of tune there.”
And Rod lets him go, since he’s the good guy.
Cheetah: “What was that all about?”
Servo (as Banjo): “Uh, he kicked my butt, weren’t you there?”
Random Technicolor flash-screen!
Joel: “I’m wigging!”
(on the soundtrack)
Joel: “Thanks for the groovy charts Mr. Squirrel, wherever you are.”
Joel starts cleaning the car!
Cheetah: “They’ve got a little bank that’s just loaded with bread.”
Servo: “I don’t know, but I think they’re talking about a bakery.”
I love how Cheetah claims Rod’s been with them the entire time, forgetting that he himself sent the guy outside by himself the very night before!
(looking at a map)
Cheetah: “We can’t go cross country…”
Crow: “and we can’t go straight up, remember when we tried that?”
Linda: “You didn’t learn a thing last night, did you?”
Crow: “Well, I did, but I don’t think we can use it to rob a bank…”
So they decide to drive by the railroad tracks; which as Servo points out, runs right next to a highway.
Crow (deep, narrator voice): “Citrusville! City of Progress! Where everyone is Juice!”
Servo: “Boy, I bet they could score eighty to a hundred bucks in this town!”
(as the teller counts some money out)
Crow: “Four, five dollars; you’ve broken the bank!”
Linda: “Oh, I’d like five-hundred dollars in traveler’s checks.”
Joel: “Oh, dream on lady!”
Crow: “Hey! I’ve found a five under this drawer! We can stay open!”
Third host segment: Joel serenades Gypsy, like in the movie. Crow and Servo have some of their occasionally oddly romantic-style dialogue in the beginning; it’s kind of weird. Then Crow and Servo jump him. Gypsy’s just in it for the kicks. Pretty funny.
Somehow Cheetah knows when Linda puts the guard out… with a syringe. Like Servo says, he must be psychic.
(as Cheetah speaks too fast)
Servo: “What, is he speaking Sanskrit?”
And Rod stupidly signals the first local cops he sees…
Servo: (British accent) “Eh, what’s all this then?” (southern accent) “I mean, what’s goin’ on here boy?”
…and the cops promptly get shot, since Rod didn’t bother warning them about the high-powered ordinance they have.
What the…one of the cops is alive; after being shot at close-range with a shotgun?
Cop: “Calling all units…”
Servo: “Uh, we are all units sir.”
Crow: “Hey, they’re gonna put the squeeze on them in Citrusville!”
Crow: “What do you suppose Citrusville is famous for?”
Servo: “Oh, probably dairy products.”
Joel: “Police cars courtesy of Grandma.”
These are the most ineffective roadblocks ever!
So, that’s two cops dead and one seriously injured…
Policeman (blandly): “They just killed my partner.”
Joel (same): “and I’m all busted up inside. Over.”
And this roadblock has a side street right next to it! What kind of cops are these?
Crow: “’Bout this time the ole’ Duke Boys had killed just about every cop in town…”
(as the tires squeal on a dirt road)
Servo: “Ah, it’s the squealing swamp…” (bang!) “and there’s the exploding bush.”
Servo: “So this was the point at which the director said ‘use everything we shot’”
Yeah, where did that lighthouse come from?! They’re in the bayou!
Crow: “Well, it’s up to the navy now, it’s out of our jurisdiction.”
So, the bikers hold up in a lighthouse.
Crow: “Oh, great hideout; if they have to spend any time in there they can eat the bricks I guess.”
And another cop is down…and another…and another!
Banjo: “I got one; I got me a man!”
Servo: “Great, now go shoot a cop.”
Banjo panics, runs out, and somehow avoids getting shredded despite the fact that, as Servo points out, he’s about two-feet away from the cops and unarmed and wrestling with a motorcycle.
And there he goes; hit by a shotgun at about a hundred yards on move! Had anyone involved in this movie used a gun before?
What?! The cop-chief hits a guy at the top of a lighthouse with a snub-nosed revolver?! See above comment.
Servo: “Live fast, die young, and a leave a fat, bloated, ugly corpse.”
Rod heads for the top (for some reason) with Cheetah in hot pursuit.
Cheetah checks Fats’ corpse:
Joel: (as Fats) “He’s upstairs”
Servo (as Cheetah): “Thanks, Fats. You know, you’re smarter dead.”
Joel does a weird little voice for Fats…
I love how they kind of thrust their guns to indicate they’re firing…
Cheetah points right at the camera:
Crow: “Woah! Servo save yourself!”
And Linda shoots Cheetah before he can kill Rod. (why?)
And the police arrest Linda.
High angle shot:
Crow: “Hey! It’s God-cam!”
Joel: “You know, I’m gonna miss her and her murderous ways.”
My basic attitude.
The cop pats Rod on the back.
Servo: “Well Rod, thirteen dead cops, six dead innocent bystanders, a couple of dead bikers, good work!”
And the sappy folk song plays again. It’s not a very good song, of course.
Final segment: The bots are depressed, Joel is happy, teaching them to laugh at the worst elements of the film (you’d think they’d already know about this). The Mads are disturbed at how happy they are…though Frank agrees with them. Joel reads a letter as they party. Frank parties as well, until Dr. F puts him down with a huge hypodermic needle.
No stinger; I guess they forgot.
My pick would be the classic: “That square bugs me…HE REALLY BUGS ME!!!”
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. The Black Scorpion
3. Mad Monster
4. Rocketship XM
5. Moon Zero Two
6. The Crawling Hand
7. Catalina Caper
8. Jungle Goddess
9. Wild Rebels
10. The Corpse Vanishes
11. Ring of Terror
12. Untamed Youth
13. The Slime People
14. Project Moonbase
15. The Sidehackers
16. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
17. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
18. Rocket Attack USA
19. Robot Holocaust
20. Robot Monster
Conclusion: a very stupid movie makes for some very funny riffing, plus strong host segments make this a solid episode.
Final Rating: 7/10.
