This is one of my all-time favorite episodes. Naturally it would be; it features a Godzilla movie, and I am a huge Godzilla fan. Not only that, but it features one of the worst of the Godzilla movies; a film which richly deserves its mockery. Of course, being a Godzilla movie it’s still pretty fun to watch even without the Brains. The story goes that nuclear tests in the pacific have caused great destruction in the undersea kingdom of Seatopia (yeah, they rushed this one). In retaliation, the rather humiliatingly dressed Seatopian king unleashes Megalon, a giant beetle with drill bits for hands, to destroy Japan (odd, considering that’s one country that could not possibly have been responsible for the tests, although no one points this out). In addition his agents steal the robot ‘Jet Jaguar’ (possibly the single most hated Godzilla monster ever) from its inventor, his friend, and his brother (who serve as our main heroes) to act as Megalon’s guide. There’s some rigmarole involving car-chases, fights, and a very cool scene where Megalon bursts a dam then the good guys get JJ back under their control and send him to fetch Godzilla. Megalon wanders around for a bit, then suddenly decides he doesn’t need a guide and destroys Tokyo (kind of). JJ then gains free will, which apparently includes the ability to grow a hundred-and-fifty-feet tall, and proceeds to fight Megalon. Then the Seatopians unleash an outsourcing Gigan (conversely one of Godzilla’s coolest foes) and JJ gets thoroughly trounced, only being saved (boo!) when Godzilla shows up. There’s a lengthy fight, with Godzilla handling most of the work, then Gigan and Megalon both flee and JJ returns to his small, servile state…for now.
Like I said, the movie is pretty fun in itself, with lots of monster goofiness to go around. Added to that, though, is perhaps the strongest riffing yet heard on the show. The jokes come fast and hard and are almost universally hilarious. Riffs on the special effects, the lame dubbed-in-script, the odd set design, and the skin-peelingly annoying kid abound.
Added to that are a series of great host segments, beginning with the amusing invention exchanges, building to Crow and Tom’s monsters, ‘Rex Dart, Eskimo Spy,’ and the closing segments with new arms for the bots, a hilarious translation of the ‘Jet Jaguar Fight Song,’ and some remarkably subtle puppeting from Trace Beaulieu.
But the third host segment stands on its own as one of the most brilliantly hilarious two minutes ever recorded on television. In the episode guide they describe it as “Orville Redenbacher and his grandson doing something akin to ‘A Long Day’s Journey into Night.’” I don’t think I really can explain it any better, except that it is perhaps the best host segment of all time; if not, it certainly is in the top five.
The only mar in this near-perfect episode comes at the very end; the Stinger. Here we have some of the goofiest moments of the fifty-plus (okay, it was nearly forty at the time) year old franchise and they pick…stock footage of Godzilla jumping off a cliff. Come on! That had to be some editor’s goof, right?
Despite this one flaw, you’ve got a movie that’s a lot of fun on its own but truly deserves what it gets, some very strong riffing, and some excellent host segments, including an all-time classic not just of MST3k, but of television in general. One of the best episodes of the whole series.
Thoughts while watching:
Opening: What to expect on this show (parodying variety-news shows). Pretty funny; especially Crow.
Invention Exchange: Quick Halloween Costumes. This bit comes straight from Joel’s stand-up act. It’s very amusing; especially Servo going as a missing child (“Have you seen me?”). The Mads do the same (Dr. F is the goalie of a foosball team). Very funny.
Narrator: “…The second underground nuclear test took place…”
Joel: “But it wasn’t as good as the first one.”
Narrator: “This is what happened.”
(explosion)
Crow: “It blew up; what’d you expect?”
Some stock footage from ‘Destroy all Monsters’ (including cameos by Rodan and my all-time favorite, Anguirus).
Crow: “Oh, whenever they test nuclear bombs it’s the monsters who suffer.”
Joel: “You know I kinda’ feel this opening segment is a metaphor for our souls.”
Cut to a kid on a water-toy in a mountain lake while two guys watch (no, we never find out much about their relation. Okay, the adults are friends and the kid is the brother of one of them, but other than that, nadda).
Joel (as guys watching the kid): “I can see; keep struggling for your life!”
Servo: “He’s drowning. Neat.”
Earthquake…kid’s in danger.
The guys just happen to have a rocket and some rope…
Kid: “Help me! Hurry up!”
Joel: “Hey, you’re in no position to make demands, kid!”
Joel: “Try not to get sucked into the vortex of Hell, Billy!”
Servo: “I guess a rocket is standard picnicking equipment in Japan, isn’t it?”
Crow: “Note to myself; never vacation on an active volcano.”
And the lake dries up (no, we never really find out why).
Crow: “This watery manifestation of a vengeful, wrathful god couldn’t’ve come at a worse time.”
(Cut to them in a car with mood-music playing)
Joel: “Well, let’s leave that pain behind; we’re swinging into high.”
Guys sagely discuss the misuse of nuclear tests (mentioning some lost continents)…
That kid sounds like he pissed off St. Blaise in a big way.
(on the blue-tinted ‘night’ shots)
Joel: “Looks like there’s a blue-moon out tonight.”
Crow: “I think it was shot ‘blue-for-night.’”
Guy: “Hey, listen; it’d be funny if the earthquake destroyed your robot.”
Joel: “Yeah, it’d be funny if the earthquake killed your family.”
They go into the house…
(lights go on revealing some sort of appliance hanging from the ceiling)
Crow: “Oh, my God! The humidifier committed suicide!”
Oscar Wilde type shows up and attacks, quickly knocks the guys out, and leaves.
And the one guy takes off after bad guys in a lame car chase.
Back home they start cleaning up…
Car chase…
Servo: “Well guys I guess no matter how hard you try there’s just no way to make parallel parking exciting.”
(kid is picking up papers and magazines off the floor)
Crow: “Let’s see, Boy’s Life, Popular Science, Highlights…my own autopsy report!?”
Kid: “I found some funny powder.”
Joel: “Uh, that’s mine; just leave it alone.”
(High angle shot)
Crow: “Hey, God’s watching!”
They investigate the powder…cut to them working on the robot.
(welding shot)
Crow: “Industry! Creating a better world. Our most valuable resource: People!”
And the robot is now complete.
(Guy looking at the kid)
Crow: “Oh, how I loath him!”
(I know the feeling)
(guy on video screen)
Crow: “It’s the all-idiot channel.”
(guys talking in front of robot’s face)
Servo: “Hey, HAL is reading your lips!”
And they name the robot ‘Jet Jaguar.’
Guy: “That’s a great name!”
(cut to bad guys listening in)
Servo (as bad guy): “Jet Jaguar? What a stupid name!”
Bad guys capture kid…
(shot of kid looking sad on screen)
Crow: “I have shamed the family.)
First Host Segment: The bots design monsters to distract Joel from the naughty pictures they’re looking at. It’s a great sketch as Servo and Crow try to one-up each other (and features a great ‘Robert Frost’ pun).
Bad guys return, knock out good guys, occupy house.
Cut down to ‘Seatopia’ (don’t ask)
Anyway, Seatopia attacks the surface world with Megalon since nuclear tests have damaged their country.
Seatopia leader: “They have already destroyed a third of our country!”
Joel: “You just have to take my word for it.”
And a bunch of random explosions and sparks…
Servo: “I would say eye protection should be worn in this area.”
Servo: “He awakes with the worst special effects of the morning.”
(fade to black)
Joel: “So it was all a dream…”
Cut to guy and kid tied up in truck.
Crow: “If…I could…only get to…my utility belt…I invented it you know. Batman stole it from me.”
Other guy is tied up in the house (no, I don’t know why they didn’t either A, shoot them, or B, tie them all up together).
(Jet Jaguar takes off)
Joel: “What a day! I feel GRAND!”
(cut to guy and kid struggling with ropes)
Crow: “Oh, great! You tied us together!”
Truck driver: “The way I see it, it’s none of our business anyway. I mean we’re getting a hundred-thousand yen!”
Joel: “Yeah, great, what is that, like four bucks?”
(as guy tied up at home wakes up next to Oscar Wilde guy)
Crow: “Now I’m going to read you parts of ‘The Portrait of Dorian Gray,’ and I want you to be honest with me.”
(kid unties guy in truck)
Servo: “Okay, gotta go; call me if you survive kid.”
Back-story on Seatopia (they lost me at ‘they eventually managed to create their own oxygen supply’)
Good guy escapes and heads out after truck…
Oscar Wilde guy: “My prisoner escaped…he’s also aware of the whole story of our mission here.”
Crow: “I got…sort of…chatty.”
Another car chase…
Crow: “I’m huge!”
Joel: “Action sequences filmed in Confuse-o-vision!”
Servo (after cars go down some steps and a steep incline): “I’ll have to remember that route; cuts fifteen minutes off my drive time!”
Servo: “Well, there’s a lot of congestion on the interstate this morning, you might want to consider taking an alternate route, say down the side of a steep mountain!”
Lame ending to chase…
(cut to random explosions as Megalon emerges)
Servo: “The gods do not approve of this inept car-chase sequence!”
(on Jet Jaguar, who has a disturbing Joker-like grin)
Joel: “Winged freak; wait’ll they get a load of me!”
Stock footage of evacuation, and the military coming in…
Good bit where they comment on the fakey-ness of the military.
(as they prepare to fire missiles)
Crow: “Phallic symbols at the ready sir.”
(on the military hardware)
Servo: “Boy, all this and they still can’t get the Comedy Channel!”
And they randomly decide to drop the box with the guy and kid over a dam.
Kid: “What now?”
Crow: “Scream. Die maybe.”
Crow (as kid): “I wet em’!”
(little later)
Servo: “I wet myself again!”
(later)
Servo: “That’s three times now. It’s starting to sting.”
Pretty funny running gag with Megalon giving Broadway performance speeches.
Second Host Segment: Rex Dart: Eskimo Spy! It’s really indescribable, but very amusing. This looks like it would be a fun show.
The only really impressive scene in this movie; Megalon bursts a dam (and probably most of the budget). It really does look good
(hero struggles with truck as dam starts to overflow)
Joel: “Pop the clutch, engage the ignition, check my blind spot…it’s flooded! Okay, start again…”
And the hero accidentally dumps his friends, Megalon whacks it into the air, they somehow survive.
Joel: “You know, that monster does not know the meaning of the word ‘around.’”
Joel (as Jet Jaguar): “I’m taunting you! Taunt!”
Guy: “Isn’t that Jet Jaguar?”
Servo: “No, it’s another superhero of your own design.”
Kid: “It’s a pity we can’t send Jet Jaguar to go and get Godzilla!”
Crow: “Yeah, and it’s a pity we can’t kill you and get away with it!”
Commander: “Open fire!”
Crow: “Kill indiscriminately!”
Joel (as Megalon): “I’d like to thank the good people of Seatopia for giving me these completely useless arms.”
And thanks to the wonder of stock footage, the tanks get blown up at night when they had been attacking during the day.
Anyway, they try to regain control of Jet Jaguar…
And of course it works. They send him to get Godzilla.
Really goofy scene where Megalon goes nuts.
Crow: “Looks like he’s having one of his episodes.”
And Megalon randomly gets attacked by some jets (in close ups, his hands turn into Gigan’s claws).
Crow: “Say, that’s a good view of the fiery hellbeast!”
And he’s back on track now. Whatever.
Kid: “Must have been evacuated.”
Joel: “That sounds painful.”
Kid and guy get model plains to help retake their house (you know, you’d think the military would help with that, seeing as how the house controls the robot that can save or destroy the world).
And Jet Jaguar meets Godzilla.
Servo: “What’s that? Dad’s trapped? In a coal mine? Down in dead-rock canyon? I see.”
Stock footage from ‘Vs. Sea Monster.’
Crow: “I can fly! I can fly! I can’t fly! I can swim…”
Major stock footage of Megalon attacking Tokyo; it’s just close ups of him firing and stock footage of destruction (it’s footage from ‘Ghidorah’ so there are frequently multiple beams blowing up the city). One of the worst destruction scenes in Kaiju Film history.
Joel: “We’ll eliminate all the ‘no pets’ strips in Asia if you’ll just stop!”
(Guy and kid start their mission)
Crow: “Hey, is there an ethical question about taking a little kid on a dangerous mission?”
Servo: “Not this kid.”
Servo: “Gee I hope this works or little Billy will be lunch meat.”
(cut to other guy driving during fight scene)
Crow: “I’m glad I’m not there.
(again)
Crow: “I’m really glad I’m not there.”
(guy arrives)
Crow: “Oh, shoot! Now I’m here!”
Wait, what was the point of that!? They just beat the guy up and leave!
Seatopian assistant guy: “We are sending you the monster Gigan, as you requested.”
Joel: “Unfortunately the color you ordered is out of stock.”
(shot of flashing light in space)
Crow: “Hey! Tinkerbells’ alive! Clap your hands everybody!”
(giant diamond appears)
Servo: “Diamonds are a girls best…”
(explodes)
Servo: “Woah! Guess not!”
And Gigan is on scene!
(Megalon blows up boat)
Crow: “Destroy the Loveboat; Kill Gavin McCloud.”
Now they’re back at home! Did they even have a continuity person? (I think the money for that went to the dam scene).
Jet Jaguar arrives at the house.
(Jet Jaguar give thumbs up)
Joel: “Up yours!”
(Jet Jaguar flies off)
Joel: “Haha! Try to catch me! You instilled me with free will! Try to catch me!”
So, the guy built the robot with the ability to ignore his orders. Great idea! Worked for Skynet.
And now JJ makes himself grow. Look, just go with it.
You know, even in bad movies like this Toho somehow knew how to give its monsters great expressions. For instance, Megalon’s expression in this scene is a clear ‘wtF!!!!????’
Guy: “Are you sure you want to go? It could be damn dangerous.”
Crow: “Daft dangerous? Don’t you mean Taft Treacherous?”
JJ and Megalon keep fighting…
Crow (as inspector Clouseau): “Kato, get off of me.”
Servo: “I know I should be excited and scared and all, but all I can think about are sweaty Japanese guys.”
Guy: “So he just programmed himself to increase his own size.”
Crow: “Oh, well that explains it…huh?”
Now Gigan arrives…
Joel (on Gigan): “It looks like Dumbo gone horribly wrong.”
Joel (as Jet Jaguar): “Well, looks like my job is finally done here. I can…woah!”
(Megalon surprise attacks him).
Servo (as Gigan): “And there on my forearms were hooks!”
Now JJ starts getting his ass kicked.
Crow: “You will bow down before me Jet Jaguar!”
Third Host Segment: Orville Popcorn sketch. This is one of the all-time greatest, possibly the greatest, sketch of the whole series; a hilariously dark send up of Orville Redenbacher and his Grandson. I really can’t describe it without spoiling it, but it’s one of the funniest two minutes of television ever recorded.
And Godzilla shows up (he really is a sidekick in his own movie here, sadly enough; JJ is the real focus).
(cut back to JJ getting his butt handed to him)
Joel: “Yeah, take your time Godzilla.”
Joel (on the monsters’ wild arm movements): “What are they signing for the hearing impaired?”
And they fight some more.
(Godzilla rips up a tree to fight with)
Crow: “He’s got a tree! He’s got a tree! This isn’t the Godzilla we know! He’s fighting dirty!”
Joel: “Hurst don’t it?”
Servo (as Jet Jaguar): “Godzilla? A tree? That’s not like you. Why? Why?”
And stock footage of Gigan cutting Godzilla (at night, by the way, while the rest of fight is during the day).
Servo: “And this one’s for ‘Rocky V.’ I haven’t seen it, but I hear it really sucks!”
(Godzilla sits on Gigan and pummels him)
Crow: “I hate you! I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you! Oh, I don’t like you I’ll..(gasp) What have I done!?”
Actually kinda cool bit where Gigan attacks from above and Megalon from below.
Hilarious bit where Godzilla walks right into a punch.
So, Godzilla pretty handily deals with Megalon, while JJ gets UTTERLY thrashed by Gigan!
Gigan takes JJ hostage!
Crow (as Godzilla): “Come on, you don’t want to do that man! I’m here! Take me!”
Joel (as Gigan): “Hey, I’m just crazy enough to do it!”
Servo (as Godzilla): “Come on, punks’s not worth killing!”
And Megalon surrounds Godzilla and JJ with a ring of fire (lots of ‘war-buddy’ quips).
Crow: “Whoops, snapped your spine; sorry.”
Joel: “You know one day Jonny Cash will write a song about that.”
And they fly out (Godzilla holds onto JJ’s shoulders).
Some more great expressions from Megalon and Gigan.
(Godzilla blasts Megalon down)
Joel: “He fell him like a mighty oak.”
Godzilla blasts Megalon in the crotch! Twice!
JJ graphically breaks Gigan’s arm! Ew!
And there goes Gigan…flies away.
And we get perhaps the single goofiest bit of the whole Godzilla series; the tail-slide (he runs and slides across the ground on his tail).
And Megalon flees too.
Servo: “No Japanese actors in rubber suits were killed during the making of this film.”
And Godzilla and JJ share a handshake and G walks off.
Kid: “Bye bye!”
All: “SHUT UP!!”
Kid: “Godzilla! Bye Bye!”
Servo: “Thanks for leveling our country!”
Crow (as JJ): “You’re next puny humans.”
And he shrinks again…and drops the free will.
Crow (as JJ): “Yeah, sure, you control me. Right. I’ll be home crushing your house!”
Guy: “We’ll warn the scientists to be more careful in the future and let Seatopia rest in peace.”
Joel: “I’m sure they’ll listen, they’re good that way.”
And the ‘Jet Jaguar Fight Song’ plays…it will scar you for life.
Final Segment: The bots get new arms. Crow gets a coat-hanger and a lobster claw. Servo gets a swiss-army knife and a flame-thrower (“I am the god of hell-fire!”). They also translate the Jet Jaguar Fight Song (“He Crime-fighting cover up basic insecurity”). Then they read a letter (some great puppeteering by Trace as Crow tries to eat some popcorn). An all around hilarious sketch! Frank gets a little too attached to his Mario game.
Stinger: Godzilla jumps off a cliff. Come on! They do this but not the tail-slide?! Or any of the other moments during the fight? Sloppy, sloppy. I rather suspect they intended it to be the tail-slide (cause really, what else could it reasonably be?), but some editor goofed it up and they didn’t have time to fix it.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. The Black Scorpion
3. Mad Monster
4. Lost Continent
5. First Spaceship to Venus
6. Rocketship XM
7. Moon Zero Two
8. Godzilla vs. Megalon
9. The Crawling Hand
10. Catalina Caper
11. King Dinosaur
12. Jungle Goddess
13. Wild Rebels
14. The Corpse Vanishes
15. Ring of Terror
16. Untamed Youth
17. The Slime People
18. Project Moonbase
19. The Sidehackers
20. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
21. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
22. Hellcats
23. Rocket Attack USA
24. Robot Holocaust
25. Robot Monster
Conclusion: Fun movie, great riffing, and great host segments make for the best episode yet!
Final Rating: 10/10.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Mst3k 210 – First Spaceship to Venus
I really was expecting more from this episode. It’s not bad, I just found it very…forgettable. Even while I was watching it made little impression on me, and now I find it makes even less looking back.
The story is that a mysterious spool of mechanical thread is found in the desert, which they somehow figure out is from Venus. So, naturally, the world mounts an expedition to Venus. There’s some stuff that happens on the way, then they get there and do sciency stuff, and they discover that the Venusians accidentally wiped themselves out with their own weapons, there are a few crises, and finally they return home minus three of the crew who die at the end.
The movie itself actually wasn’t that bad; I think it might be interesting to watch on its own, actually. There are some good ideas here and the action is fairly restrained (thought a scene involving attacking slime is pretty goofy). The riffing is pretty solid, though rather sparse and, again, not very memorable for the most part. Sorry; this is really a pretty ‘blah’ episode for me and I don’t have much to say about it. There are some decent host segments along the way, especially Tom’s ‘Sarcasm Sequencer,’ which ends just as it was starting to get annoying, and the bots trying to build a robot. Otherwise, nothing much to say.
Thoughts While Watching:
Opening: Servo’s sarcasm sequencer is increased. It’s a pretty amusing sketch; Kevin Murphy has a tour-de-force.
Invention Exchange: Joel warns the Mads off from copying his invention and invents the junk-drawer helper; a junk-drawer starter kit (they’ll revisit this idea in a few seasons). The Mads try to find their invention in their junk-drawer. Several amusing bits; and they find Abe Vigoda at the bottom.
I like them acting sad as the titles fly off into the distance.
Opening narration; mention the Tunguska Blast and claim it was a spaceship.
Funny bit where they have a reporter hitting on a camerawoman while they wait for a scientist.
Dr. Orlaf: “I’m referring, naturally, to the spool which may contain a document of great importance in an unknown language, recorded apparently by magnetic process.”
Crow: “Naturally.”
Narrator mispronounces ‘Einstein’ as ‘Einshtein’
I love how the linguists automatically seem to be able to translate the alien language the instant they hear it.
(on radio operators in arctic gear)
Crow: “This is apartment 12b; can you send up some heat?”
Funny bit where a spinning radar device looks like it’s about to hit the characters…several times.
Repoter: “This is intavision calling the world.”
Crow: “Hi, this is the World; I’m not in right now, but…”
I love how in these movies NASA immediately decides to send manned missions to mysterious and possibly hostile planets.
Pilot: “How about you showing us your latest creation in robots?”
Crow: How about you shutting up and letting me get a word in edgewise!”
We meet the ‘cute’ robot. It’s basically a head on treads with a difficult-to-understand voice and a goofy little face. Crow puts it best.
Crow: “What a stupid robot!”
(pilot sees the female member of the expedition)
Pilot: “Tsumiko!”
Crow: “I will as soon as my lawyer gets here.”
Tsumiko: “Have a changed that much?”
Joel: “Yeah, you used to be a Swedish man!”
Wait, to make sure the crew is in good condition for their take-off in less than two days they put them in suspended animation? They’re a little paranoid, aren’t they?
Joel: “Oh, tell her you love her, yah big galoot!”
(seeing the extras have letters on the shirts)
Servo: “The whole alphabet is there. They’re going to spell out ‘good-bye, suckers!’”
Servo (on the goofy space-suits): “This is the day the teddy-bears fly to Venus!”
Spaceship’s design is completely ridiculous, but kinda cool.
First host Segment: The bots make a robot. It doesn’t do anything apart from foaming at the mouth, but it’s cool nonetheless. At least, the bots think so. The foam covers them as the commercials roll. A fun sketch.
Of course they hit a meteorite swarm! Every space movie has meteorites!
(as a guy talks into a thin microphone)
Joel: “Mr. Toothbrush, you’re the only one who understands me.”
Robot plays chess with other guy.
(on the robot)
Tsumiko: “If he only had a heart.”
Crow: “A brain,”
Joel: “A home,”
Servo: “da neurve.”
(guy setting up chessboard is interrupted by the ship rocking)
Crow: “Aw, he’ll do anything to win!”
And there are the meteors!
Scientist: “We’ll have to go outside to repair it.”
Crow: “Outside? In this weather?”
(on spacewalk)
Crow: “Hey, look at him squirm out there! That’s our Bob!”
(on the odd, clucking sound effect)
Servo: “Can somebody shoot that turkey?”
Yeah, does chess-guy have a job?
Linguist: “We have finally deciphered the last part of the spool; it gives meaning to the entire document.”
Servo: “It says blulalafjalfjalejfhelflaeflkj!”
(after an indecipherable playback of the spool)
Joel: “Uh, it gets better.”
I like how the usual ‘people will panic’ excuse is refuted.
Second Host Segment: They’re visited by an alien gorilla. It’s a pretty funny sketch as Crow and Servo debate how to react.
Scientist: “I’ll go in the crawler-copter.”
Crow: “Oh, the crawler-copter, that’s your answer to everything!”
(as scientist takes off to land on Venus)
Crow:”heh heh; ah, the guy’s lunch-meat. Hi, Bill! He’s got no idea what I’m saying to him. You look good! Haha! He’s dead. Good luck! He’ll never see his family again. Way to go sport! He’ll be vaporized within the hour. We’re with you! Haha, sucker.”
Scientist: “I’m not receiving you.”
Servo: “I’m getting the ‘Ha!’ channel.”
Servo: “At least we have our ‘Ewok’ suits to cheer us up.”
Damn, and I thought the first words on Nova were lame; the first words on Venus are ‘Omega, you take the lead.’
Scientist (to robot): “How long can we stay here?”
Crow: “About…three minutes…ago.”
(on some really weird toy-like aliens)
Joel (hilarious little voice): “Come on, smart-boy, try your hand! Go ahead! I sit at the right hand of the devil; I am evil incarnate!”
Joel: “We are the planet of novelty items!”
Funny bit where the landing spaceship lands RIGHT ON the guy they sent down (he’s in a hole, so he survives, but still; what’re the odds?
Joel: “We make excellent stocking-stuffers, you shall come to know that in time!”
(on the weird screaming sound the scientist is showing off)
Servo: “Oh, yeah, that’s really significant.”
Scientist: “Where are the inhabitants? They saw our spaceship land, they couldn’t have missed it, and yet nothing has happened!”
Servo: “Oh, maybe there’s a ballgame on.”
Narrated montage of work…
Narrator: “The storms which whip across Venus only make the work harder.”
Crow (close up of crew member): “You know these winds only make the work harder!”
Crew Member: “That’s where the lines lead, alright; there’s no doubt.”
Servo: “I know; I was a meter-man once.”
(Camera drifts downwards)
Servo: “Uh, I think you need to tighten the wind-nut on that camera!”
Scientist: “I think that a terrible catastrophe occurred on Venus.”
Servo: “Yeah, you guys arrived.”
Humorously abrupt cut…
They follow a power cable looking for life…
Joel: “Huh. Hell from on high; that’s not supposed to happen.”
(In front of a huge opening)
Crew member: “This must be the entrance.”
Servo: “Oh what was your first clue, butthead?”
Servo: “Someone with a very different vision made this movie guys.”
So, they go down into the building, accidentally kick a rock into some magma-like stuff, and it starts collapsing and the magma comes after them…
Joel (watching the chaos): “Hey give them a break, they just stepped on a rock.”
Crow: “Brown 25: Building Block of the future.”
Servo (on the syrup-like gunk): “Mrs. Butterworth’s going to have a lot of explaining to do.”
The guy shoots something at it and it goes away.
Crow: “Looks like someone stands corrected on that ‘don’t shoot’ line.”
(guy pulls out toothbrush-like device to record an evil alien device)
Crow: “The magic toothbrush will save them; go, Tuppy go!”
Third Host Segment: Klack food commercial. It’s pretty amusing with odd, unappetizing recipes and some cut still images.
So there’s a crisis; the landing site is about to blow up or something, and half the crew is hours away.
Actually creepy bit where they see the shadows of Venusians killed in an atomic blast. This is a creepy phenomenon to begin with, and works well enough here.
Wait, so those crew members hours away are back suddenly; so much for tension.
And they start talking; I guess there was no crisis.
Anyway, the Venusians are all dead, but since one of the crew stepped on a rock it started the automatic attack sequence against Earth. I think.
Crow: “Oh, the rock! Will you let that die!”
The robot goes nuts!
Joel (as the robot): “Bedebedebede taste my steel.”
They can’t take off…of course. And there’s only one chance.
(Guy working in collection of wires and circuits)
Crow: “Hey, I think I found my class ring!”
Guy gets his suit punctured. And the crisis is over (though now they try to save punctured suit guy).
Crow: “Aw sure they’re all gonna die, but it looks cool!”
Crow: “Rocketing off the charts with that immortal hit, it’s ‘Bob’s Death.’”
Rocket gets hurled into space involuntarily.
So, linguist dies, black-guy gets left behind.
Mission control lady: “At the moment there is no reply.”
Crow: “There’s an angry black gentleman on line one.”
Servo (as newscast): “Attention Mr. and Mrs. North America and all the ships at sea; gutless astronauts left friends on planet; returning today!”
And they have a triumphal return! Great.
Servo (singing along to the music): “This is the song that we sing when you come home from Venus!”
Crew member: “Talloway saved the expedition from disaster.”
Crow: “And then became compost”
Crew Member: “and Brinkman,”
Joel: “Screamed like a baby when we flew off and left him.”
Crow (as scientist): “My one piece of advice; do not have the Venusian poo-poo platter.”
(random woman starts making out with crew member)
Crow: “Hey who’s this? Who are you? Hey, get her off me!”
Final Host Segment: They discuss the movie; Crow liked it, Joel is depressed, Servo is sarcastic. Servo gets so sarcastic his head explodes. Letters. Ends with a Monty Python reference from Tom. Not bad. Dr. F throws up in the junk drawer.
Stinger: Oddly-dressed crowd waving good-bye. Certainly an oddly amusing moment. No complaints here.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. The Black Scorpion
3. Mad Monster
4. Lost Continent
5. First Spaceship to Venus
6. Rocketship XM
7. Moon Zero Two
8. The Crawling Hand
9. Catalina Caper
10. King Dinosaur
11. Jungle Goddess
12. Wild Rebels
13. The Corpse Vanishes
14. Ring of Terror
15. Untamed Youth
16. The Slime People
17. Project Moonbase
18. The Sidehackers
19. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
20. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
21. Hellcats
22. Rocket Attack USA
23. Robot Holocaust
24. Robot Monster
Conclusion: Decent riffing, decent host segments, and decent movie, but somehow it all doesn’t come together into a memorable episode.
Final Rating: 6/10.
The story is that a mysterious spool of mechanical thread is found in the desert, which they somehow figure out is from Venus. So, naturally, the world mounts an expedition to Venus. There’s some stuff that happens on the way, then they get there and do sciency stuff, and they discover that the Venusians accidentally wiped themselves out with their own weapons, there are a few crises, and finally they return home minus three of the crew who die at the end.
The movie itself actually wasn’t that bad; I think it might be interesting to watch on its own, actually. There are some good ideas here and the action is fairly restrained (thought a scene involving attacking slime is pretty goofy). The riffing is pretty solid, though rather sparse and, again, not very memorable for the most part. Sorry; this is really a pretty ‘blah’ episode for me and I don’t have much to say about it. There are some decent host segments along the way, especially Tom’s ‘Sarcasm Sequencer,’ which ends just as it was starting to get annoying, and the bots trying to build a robot. Otherwise, nothing much to say.
Thoughts While Watching:
Opening: Servo’s sarcasm sequencer is increased. It’s a pretty amusing sketch; Kevin Murphy has a tour-de-force.
Invention Exchange: Joel warns the Mads off from copying his invention and invents the junk-drawer helper; a junk-drawer starter kit (they’ll revisit this idea in a few seasons). The Mads try to find their invention in their junk-drawer. Several amusing bits; and they find Abe Vigoda at the bottom.
I like them acting sad as the titles fly off into the distance.
Opening narration; mention the Tunguska Blast and claim it was a spaceship.
Funny bit where they have a reporter hitting on a camerawoman while they wait for a scientist.
Dr. Orlaf: “I’m referring, naturally, to the spool which may contain a document of great importance in an unknown language, recorded apparently by magnetic process.”
Crow: “Naturally.”
Narrator mispronounces ‘Einstein’ as ‘Einshtein’
I love how the linguists automatically seem to be able to translate the alien language the instant they hear it.
(on radio operators in arctic gear)
Crow: “This is apartment 12b; can you send up some heat?”
Funny bit where a spinning radar device looks like it’s about to hit the characters…several times.
Repoter: “This is intavision calling the world.”
Crow: “Hi, this is the World; I’m not in right now, but…”
I love how in these movies NASA immediately decides to send manned missions to mysterious and possibly hostile planets.
Pilot: “How about you showing us your latest creation in robots?”
Crow: How about you shutting up and letting me get a word in edgewise!”
We meet the ‘cute’ robot. It’s basically a head on treads with a difficult-to-understand voice and a goofy little face. Crow puts it best.
Crow: “What a stupid robot!”
(pilot sees the female member of the expedition)
Pilot: “Tsumiko!”
Crow: “I will as soon as my lawyer gets here.”
Tsumiko: “Have a changed that much?”
Joel: “Yeah, you used to be a Swedish man!”
Wait, to make sure the crew is in good condition for their take-off in less than two days they put them in suspended animation? They’re a little paranoid, aren’t they?
Joel: “Oh, tell her you love her, yah big galoot!”
(seeing the extras have letters on the shirts)
Servo: “The whole alphabet is there. They’re going to spell out ‘good-bye, suckers!’”
Servo (on the goofy space-suits): “This is the day the teddy-bears fly to Venus!”
Spaceship’s design is completely ridiculous, but kinda cool.
First host Segment: The bots make a robot. It doesn’t do anything apart from foaming at the mouth, but it’s cool nonetheless. At least, the bots think so. The foam covers them as the commercials roll. A fun sketch.
Of course they hit a meteorite swarm! Every space movie has meteorites!
(as a guy talks into a thin microphone)
Joel: “Mr. Toothbrush, you’re the only one who understands me.”
Robot plays chess with other guy.
(on the robot)
Tsumiko: “If he only had a heart.”
Crow: “A brain,”
Joel: “A home,”
Servo: “da neurve.”
(guy setting up chessboard is interrupted by the ship rocking)
Crow: “Aw, he’ll do anything to win!”
And there are the meteors!
Scientist: “We’ll have to go outside to repair it.”
Crow: “Outside? In this weather?”
(on spacewalk)
Crow: “Hey, look at him squirm out there! That’s our Bob!”
(on the odd, clucking sound effect)
Servo: “Can somebody shoot that turkey?”
Yeah, does chess-guy have a job?
Linguist: “We have finally deciphered the last part of the spool; it gives meaning to the entire document.”
Servo: “It says blulalafjalfjalejfhelflaeflkj!”
(after an indecipherable playback of the spool)
Joel: “Uh, it gets better.”
I like how the usual ‘people will panic’ excuse is refuted.
Second Host Segment: They’re visited by an alien gorilla. It’s a pretty funny sketch as Crow and Servo debate how to react.
Scientist: “I’ll go in the crawler-copter.”
Crow: “Oh, the crawler-copter, that’s your answer to everything!”
(as scientist takes off to land on Venus)
Crow:”heh heh; ah, the guy’s lunch-meat. Hi, Bill! He’s got no idea what I’m saying to him. You look good! Haha! He’s dead. Good luck! He’ll never see his family again. Way to go sport! He’ll be vaporized within the hour. We’re with you! Haha, sucker.”
Scientist: “I’m not receiving you.”
Servo: “I’m getting the ‘Ha!’ channel.”
Servo: “At least we have our ‘Ewok’ suits to cheer us up.”
Damn, and I thought the first words on Nova were lame; the first words on Venus are ‘Omega, you take the lead.’
Scientist (to robot): “How long can we stay here?”
Crow: “About…three minutes…ago.”
(on some really weird toy-like aliens)
Joel (hilarious little voice): “Come on, smart-boy, try your hand! Go ahead! I sit at the right hand of the devil; I am evil incarnate!”
Joel: “We are the planet of novelty items!”
Funny bit where the landing spaceship lands RIGHT ON the guy they sent down (he’s in a hole, so he survives, but still; what’re the odds?
Joel: “We make excellent stocking-stuffers, you shall come to know that in time!”
(on the weird screaming sound the scientist is showing off)
Servo: “Oh, yeah, that’s really significant.”
Scientist: “Where are the inhabitants? They saw our spaceship land, they couldn’t have missed it, and yet nothing has happened!”
Servo: “Oh, maybe there’s a ballgame on.”
Narrated montage of work…
Narrator: “The storms which whip across Venus only make the work harder.”
Crow (close up of crew member): “You know these winds only make the work harder!”
Crew Member: “That’s where the lines lead, alright; there’s no doubt.”
Servo: “I know; I was a meter-man once.”
(Camera drifts downwards)
Servo: “Uh, I think you need to tighten the wind-nut on that camera!”
Scientist: “I think that a terrible catastrophe occurred on Venus.”
Servo: “Yeah, you guys arrived.”
Humorously abrupt cut…
They follow a power cable looking for life…
Joel: “Huh. Hell from on high; that’s not supposed to happen.”
(In front of a huge opening)
Crew member: “This must be the entrance.”
Servo: “Oh what was your first clue, butthead?”
Servo: “Someone with a very different vision made this movie guys.”
So, they go down into the building, accidentally kick a rock into some magma-like stuff, and it starts collapsing and the magma comes after them…
Joel (watching the chaos): “Hey give them a break, they just stepped on a rock.”
Crow: “Brown 25: Building Block of the future.”
Servo (on the syrup-like gunk): “Mrs. Butterworth’s going to have a lot of explaining to do.”
The guy shoots something at it and it goes away.
Crow: “Looks like someone stands corrected on that ‘don’t shoot’ line.”
(guy pulls out toothbrush-like device to record an evil alien device)
Crow: “The magic toothbrush will save them; go, Tuppy go!”
Third Host Segment: Klack food commercial. It’s pretty amusing with odd, unappetizing recipes and some cut still images.
So there’s a crisis; the landing site is about to blow up or something, and half the crew is hours away.
Actually creepy bit where they see the shadows of Venusians killed in an atomic blast. This is a creepy phenomenon to begin with, and works well enough here.
Wait, so those crew members hours away are back suddenly; so much for tension.
And they start talking; I guess there was no crisis.
Anyway, the Venusians are all dead, but since one of the crew stepped on a rock it started the automatic attack sequence against Earth. I think.
Crow: “Oh, the rock! Will you let that die!”
The robot goes nuts!
Joel (as the robot): “Bedebedebede taste my steel.”
They can’t take off…of course. And there’s only one chance.
(Guy working in collection of wires and circuits)
Crow: “Hey, I think I found my class ring!”
Guy gets his suit punctured. And the crisis is over (though now they try to save punctured suit guy).
Crow: “Aw sure they’re all gonna die, but it looks cool!”
Crow: “Rocketing off the charts with that immortal hit, it’s ‘Bob’s Death.’”
Rocket gets hurled into space involuntarily.
So, linguist dies, black-guy gets left behind.
Mission control lady: “At the moment there is no reply.”
Crow: “There’s an angry black gentleman on line one.”
Servo (as newscast): “Attention Mr. and Mrs. North America and all the ships at sea; gutless astronauts left friends on planet; returning today!”
And they have a triumphal return! Great.
Servo (singing along to the music): “This is the song that we sing when you come home from Venus!”
Crew member: “Talloway saved the expedition from disaster.”
Crow: “And then became compost”
Crew Member: “and Brinkman,”
Joel: “Screamed like a baby when we flew off and left him.”
Crow (as scientist): “My one piece of advice; do not have the Venusian poo-poo platter.”
(random woman starts making out with crew member)
Crow: “Hey who’s this? Who are you? Hey, get her off me!”
Final Host Segment: They discuss the movie; Crow liked it, Joel is depressed, Servo is sarcastic. Servo gets so sarcastic his head explodes. Letters. Ends with a Monty Python reference from Tom. Not bad. Dr. F throws up in the junk drawer.
Stinger: Oddly-dressed crowd waving good-bye. Certainly an oddly amusing moment. No complaints here.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. The Black Scorpion
3. Mad Monster
4. Lost Continent
5. First Spaceship to Venus
6. Rocketship XM
7. Moon Zero Two
8. The Crawling Hand
9. Catalina Caper
10. King Dinosaur
11. Jungle Goddess
12. Wild Rebels
13. The Corpse Vanishes
14. Ring of Terror
15. Untamed Youth
16. The Slime People
17. Project Moonbase
18. The Sidehackers
19. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
20. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
21. Hellcats
22. Rocket Attack USA
23. Robot Holocaust
24. Robot Monster
Conclusion: Decent riffing, decent host segments, and decent movie, but somehow it all doesn’t come together into a memorable episode.
Final Rating: 6/10.
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