This is one of the first episodes I ever saw and I’ve seen it over a dozen times since then. I hadn’t seen it all the way through in a long time, though, so this viewing was about as fresh as could be expected. Anyway, as you can probably tell, I really like this one; the movie is watchable, even good in parts (although not so much in others), the riffing is strong, and it contains an all-time classic host segment; what’s not to like?
The film is about a group of scientists who are testing a new type of rocket, which mysteriously fails to return as it was supposed to. Rather than waste the time and effort spent on it, they employ a couple of air force pilots to fly them out to where it crashed to look for it. However, when they get there they find the rocket crashed on an island, which they also crash on. As if that wasn’t enough, the rocket landed on top of a huge plateau in the middle of the island, which they dutifully climb, losing one of their number along the way (along with many viewers; this is an infamously long and boring sequence). At the top they find a jungle inhabited by dinosaurs; a few Triceratopses and a Brontosaurus, all of which are oddly cannibalistic. After some more searching and incident, they find the rocket, get the data they need, and lose their comic relief. They then start down, only to have the island start to erupt. They all make it to safety, though, and canoe away into the sunset.
Like I said, the film really isn’t all that bad; the effects are decent (stop-motion is always a plus) and there are some cool scenes, like a triceratops fight. The film boasts a really stellar cast for one of these things; Caesar Romero plays the pilot hero, Hugh Beaumont as a scientist, Whit Bissell as another scientist (the one who dies), Hilary Brooke, most famous as a co-star on the ‘Abbot and Costello Show,’ has a brief role, and Sid Melton is on hand as the comic relief mechanic. I’m also partial to Chic Chandler (who will show up in a short several seasons down the line) as the co-pilot and John Hoyt as the Russian scientist, Rostov, is, for me, the acting stand out; he really is genuinely good. Of course, all the actors are professionals and give solid performances (plus there’s the added bonus of seeing Hugh Beaumont – Ward Cleaver himself – in a dinosaur-adventure film).
The film’s main failing, really the only thing that keeps it from being a genuinely fun adventure flick, is the incredibly long, boring ‘rock climbing’ sequence; twenty minutes of watching six men climb a mountain. This goes on for so long that they apparently run out of music and a large stretch is completely silent! It’s a simply mind-numbing sequence which pretty much on its own justifies the film’s MST3king. For years ‘rock climbing’ will be their benchmark for film-watching horror.
Riffwise the episode is, as I said, very strong; plenty of quips about the cast (including a delightful series of ‘Leave it to Beaver’ references for Hugh), some hilarious expressions of agony during the rock-climbing sequence, and a few funny running gags, such as the ‘you ever fly one of these things?’ bit.
Host segment wise, we get a funny invention exchange, with Frank inventing a patently useless mobile-treadmill, the staircase, and the rowboat (I’ve heard a rumor that the mobile-treadmill is actually real now; I hope to God that’s not true). The stand out, though, is a simply hilarious segment where the satellite is visited by Hugh Beaumont, one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse (played by Mike Nelson). It’s a simply brilliant segment which only gets better if you’ve seen ‘Leave it to Beaver’; Mike makes a great Ward. The other segments are only okay; nothing too special. There’s an amusing-but-rather-annoyingly-preachy ‘explorers’ segment and a decent one about the ‘cool thing’ (hard to explain).
So, all in all, a classic episode, one of the highlights of Season Two for me.
Thoughts while watching:
Forgot to mention last time that Servo’s head was back to normal; the ‘haircut experiment didn’t work.
Opening: Coach Joel’s prep talk. It’s pretty funny, especially Servo as ‘super-destroyer.’ Also one of the few times they specifically mention recent episodes. Gypsy is also developing nicely; she’s much more like herself now, if not all the way.
Invention: I love Servo asking for ‘some arms that actually work.’ Mads: Frank gets to do the invention exchange. As usual, he fails; he develops a mobile treadmill; which is so hilariously pointless that you could actually see someone trying market it. It’s very amusing and he and Dr. F go on about the rock climbing in the movie. They don’t have time for Joel’s invention. We’ll see it next week.
Joel (seeing the title): “Lost Continent? I lost my keys once, but that’s ridiculous!”
Servo (seeing the smaller credits): “And all the insignificants.”
Another Sam Newfeld movie.
They react in dismay at the exterior footage of the military base, which, according to the IMDb, is stock footage from ‘Rocketship XM’.
Hey, more stock footage from ‘Rocketship XM!’
Servo (seeing Hugh Beaumont as a military scientist): “So, that’s what Ward does at the office.”
They do some funny riffs on the guys watching the bleeping screen.
Rostov: “What’s its rate of climb?”
Crow: “Two-thousand feet, mein fueher!”
(as things are going well)
Joel (as scientist): “Hello Nobel!”
Servo repeatedly does the line ‘Jane! Stop this crazy thing!’ what is that a reference to?
(as things start going wrong)
Crow (Dean Martin voice): “Hey, Jerry, there’s something wrong with the stock-footage simulator”
Radio Operator: “Hello Neptune, come in.”
Servo (deep voice): “This is Neptune; God of the Sea!”
Joel (as scientist): “Good-bye Nobel.”
Rostov: “Are you sure you haven’t miscalculated?”
Joel: “Oh, right, I’m the jerk; it couldn’t be your crappy rocket!”
Scientist: “Not good is it?”
Servo: “No, it’s not good!”
Scientist: “Gentlemen, you represent the armed forces, you know what this test means.”
Servo: “This mean we can kill stuff?”
Scientist: “Those hours represent a large portion of our nation’s security.”
Joel: “And I’m talking to you Bob!”
So they lost the rocket, now they have to look for it or bad things will happen.
Scientist: “Get me a line to the White House.”
Crow: “Oh, the White House! We’re all impressed.”
Cut to Caesar Romero with Hilary Brooke.
Hilary: “The boys you train to fly, what are they like?”
Servo: “Oh, they’re dead.”
Caesar: “Hey, you had me doing this same show the other night!”
Servo (as Hilary): “I just wanted to see if you had any new material.”
Hilary: “You were taking me up to the door to say good-night.”
Crow: “You tried to use me as a key.”
(Caesar looks through the records)
Servo: “Hey look; the Dead, Mel Tormei, hey, here’s one of mine! Huh?”
(as they dance)
Joel: “I lead; give to Caesar what is Caesar’s.”
Sergeant: “Pardon me ma’am, is major Nolan here?”
Servo (as Caesar): “Oh, is that who I am?”
Caesar: “What is it, sergeant?”
Crow: “My neck, sir; it’s fused to my spine. Ow, ow, ow!”
So, Caesar gets called back to duty.
You know, I’ve seen this episode about a dozen times at least and I only just now got the joke where the Sergeant hands Caesar his address book and comments that he’s ‘an awfully tough man to follow.’ Now that I get it, it’s really pretty funny.
Cut to Sid Melton talking to a plane. I must say, I find him a good deal funnier than the Brains seem to have.
Offscreen Voice: “Sergeant Tatlow.”
Servo: “Hey, it does talk!”
Cut to Chic Chandler putting away his coat and talking to someone off screen.
Joel: “Everyone talks to inanimate objects in this movie!”
Sergeant: “Lt. Wilson?”
Chic: “One L or two?”
Servo: “Uh, five.”
Chic: “We had to crash on an island that’s loaded with guerilla resistance.”
Crow: “You make it sound so good I’m taking us in.”
Servo: “I gotta…uh, rr…ah, never mind that rest-stop, I’m fine now.”
I really like the interplay between Romero and Chandler; oh, for the days where practically every actor was a professional and they knew how to write dialogue!
Melton (about the plane): “I tell you she’s a dream, doc, my baby!”
Hugh: “If she could only cook.”
Joel: “Hey! You’re talking about the woman he loves!”
Crow (on Melton): “You’re really bucking for that section eight pal.”
Joel (as Rostov): “I could prove these guys don’t exist.”
Joel: “Uh, ‘genocide’ has a ‘c’ in it, sir.”
(as Melton offers Rostov some coffee)
Servo: “I don’t sleep; get away from me little monkey boy!”
They repeatedly use the quip ‘you ever fly one of these things’? Variations are coming up.
First Host Segment: Hugh Beaumont visits. This is easily one of the best segments of season two; Mike is hilarious as Beaumont, who claims to be one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse bringing a ‘message of unholy death. But first a stern talking to.’ One thing though; why does Mike have pipe? Ward never smoked a pipe, in fact he specifically says as much in one episode. Still, hilarious segment.
Servo: “This is the pilot; anyone back there ever flown one of these?”
(Melton checks his watch as the music changes)
Crow: “Hey, my watch has never done that before; it’s trilling!”
And the plane starts to crash.
Servo: “You ever crash one of these?”
Servo: “I was kidding about that death pact Hal; come on!”
Servo: “You ever dived one of these things?”
Joel: “We blew it, Phil.”
I think that’s the same footage used in ‘Jungle Goddess’.
(the plane crashes)
Servo: “Thank you for flying Northwest.”
Crow: “Hey, we landed on a witch! Maybe the film will be in color from this point.”
Bissel keeps mentioning his kids, sealing his fate.
Melton: “Hey, my watch is going! It stopped before but now it’s going!”
Servo: “Great. I’ll alert the media.”
(they take the door off the plane to get out)
Crow: “Uh, just put that anywhere.”
(during a fade out and back)
Crow: “Night falls swiftly in the jungle. But morning comes just as soon.”
Chandler: “Maybe we’re being set up for pigeons”
Crow: “And you’re the mother-loving pigeon of ‘em all.”
(no, I have no idea what Chandler meant)
Joel: “Well, just remember the rule, everybody; if you don’t understand it, shoot it.”
(as a woman and a boy walk out)
Crow: “Hey, Beaver, June, what are you doing here?”
Native girl: “Earth tremble, people frightened; leave in boats.”
Servo: “Oh, big day for you.”
Crow: “Uh, what happened to their torsos?”
Joel:”Hey guys, it looks like we’ve come upon a sacred burial mound; what say we defile it?”
Servo: “Have you ever walked through one of these before?”
Crow: “Will you let that die, please?”
And the rock-climbing sequence begins…
Crow: “Joel, why are we watching this dull mountain-climbing sequence?”
Joel: “Well, because it’s there.”
There’s a bit that they don’t note in riffing but mention in the episode guide; as they pull Melton up by his butt, Hugh Beaumont is in the background completely losing it.
Crow (as Rostov climbs): “Look, I’ll thank you not to touch my butt.”
Servo: “Just my hand, please.”
(as Hugh gets a reading on the Geiger counter)
Melton: “From the rocket?”
Crow: “No, from our hats, dickweed.”
Servo: “From the director who brought you that earlier stuff; more of the same!”
(as Caesar chokes on some gas)
Rostov: “What happened?”
Joel: “He loved too much.”
And they camp for the night.
Servo: “Bob, uh, I’m on fire.”
Joel: “Now, this is only for conversation, but if you were going to eat a human body, where would you start?”
(Caesar looks at Bissell’s picture)
Caesar: “Your family?”
Crow: “Came with the wallet.”
Crow: “Hey, Hugh, where’s the back of your skull?”
Hugh: “You married, Major?”
Joel: “You asking?”
Crow (as Rostov): “I don’t like the others; I’ll use their bones to butter my bread!”
(giant lizard suddenly shows up)
Crow: “Kitty!”
Rostov: “Up there! On the rock!”
Joel: “You mean by that gargantuan lizard?”
Second Host Segment: The Explorers. It’s pretty funny, although as they mention, it’s rather annoyingly preachy. It’s mostly saved by the ending where it goes completely off the rails, and by Servo and Crow’s reactions (also Joel keeps stumbling over his lines; Kevin keeps having to help him. Fortunately it works in the context of the skit).
Caesar: “What did you see up there?”
Rostov: “A monster I’ve never seen before.”
Servo: “And then what?”
And they resume the climb.
Joel starts rock climbing!
Crow: “Hey, save the fog; we can use it in a Ridley Scott film.”
Servo: “Just a few more feet and we’ll be…a few more feet along.”
Crow: “Oh, my God! They’ve done it, they’ve done it! They’ve reached the…side.”
Apparently they’ve been climbing so long the soundtrack has run out.
Now the guys start really getting mad.
Joel: “What are they looking for!?”
Servo: “They FORGOT!” They don’t even KNOW!”
Crow: “Would someone please tell the director about compressing time through EDITING?!”
And Bissell starts to fall…
Crow: “You must die, my friend, to make the film more interesting.”
And there he goes.
Crow: “I’ve plummeted to my death and I can’t get up!”
Crow: “Damn. He has my keys.”
Fade out…and fade back in to more ROCK CLIMBING!
(about a gap in the mountain)
Caesar: “Think you can make that?”
Servo: “Oh, I don’t know: I’d have to heat my core to thirteen-thousand degrees, get involved in plate tectonics…”
Crow: “No the mountain, you idiot!”
Joel took his shoe off to try to trip them!
Joel (as Caesar): “Well, this should thin the cast a bit, leave more lines for us.”
Servo: “You know, even rock climbing movies don’t have this much rock climbing!”
And after about twenty-minutes of them climbing the mountain, they hit the top.
Joel: “Oh, great, there’s an elevator! We could’ve rode up!”
Melton: “I think I’ve gone color blind!”
Crow: “Well, if this movie were color that would mean something.”
Anyway, they find another jungle on the top of the mountain.
Caesar: “You can breath without your lungs screaming for help.”
Servo: “We’re screaming for help!”
Caesar:”I’ll worry about that when the time comes.”
Crow: “God knows we’ve got plenty of THAT lying around!”
Melton: “Hey, major, we’ve picked something up!”
Servo: “Let’s hope it’s a virus and it kills them all!”
Rostov: “That stuff is the most mysterious element in nature.”
Joel: “Love?”
And the first call back of “that square bugs me, he really bugs me!!!”
Crow: “Rules of the road boys; see anything, shoot to kill....I mean, don’t shoot it if it’s gonna advance the plot.”
I love how cheerfully Hugh is about them moving into an area of intense radioactivity. Apparently as long as the uranium isn’t refined, its radiation is safe.
And they find dinosaur footprints.
Hugh: “I’ve seen tracks like this before.”
Caesar: “Where?”
Servo: “Larry Mondello.”
Joel cites all the other films that used this set (or seemed to); Mad Monster, Jungle Goddess, and Rocketship XM.
Why is it that only the scientists in movies have heard of the most common dinosaurs, like Brontosaurus?
And we get a semi-decent stop-motion Brontosaurus!
Joel (as the Brontosaurus): “Hi, I’ve been waiting for the last fifty minutes, but I’ve gotta go; they tell me I cost over a thousand dollars a minute.”
And it charges them, and Hugh thinks the best way to escape it is to climb a tree!
Servo: “Yeah, climb up to mouth-level, real quick!”
And it knocks the tree over as they shoot at it.
Servo: “I see a dinosaur, but I hear an elephant.”
Joel: “Sorry I had to tie you guys up, but you were letting the film get away.”
I kinda like Hugh’s character; the over-excited scientist who complains he didn’t get a picture of the bronto that almost killed him.
Hugh: “You know what a miracle is lieutenant?”
Crow: “The words ‘The End’?”
(Bronto/elephant noise as the camera focuses on Caesar and Rostov)
Crow: “Oh, very impressive!”
(as they talk about the uranium they’re basically sleeping on)
Servo: “One day I’ll be able to tell this to my three-headed grandchildren.”
Rostov: “You are a cynical, suspicious man, aren’t you Nolan?”
Crow: “No I’m not! Who told you that?”
Brief bit of Melton dreaming about a plane; Joel comments that he feels dirty after listening to that.
By the way, what animal is it that makes that ‘oo-oo-oo-ah-ah-ah’ sound you hear in every single jungle movie?
And they wake up to find Hugh and Rostov are off on their own.
Caesar (to Melton): “You were on guard; why didn’t you stop them?”
Servo: “Well you know how unstable I am!”
Crow: “Hey, who brought the sting-base?”
Servo: “It’s a contra-basso, sir.”
Crow: “Shut-up, maggot!”
And they find Rostov and Hugh trapped in rocks and besieged by a triceratops.
Caesar: “Go ahead and yell, loud!”
All: “YAAAHHH!!!”
And there’s a triceratops fight that comes out of nowhere. As Crow says, it’s the coolest part so far.
Third Host Segment: The cool thing. It’s alright; Joel reenacting a scene from the movie with toys at the beginning is pretty funny. This might be the first time they shown stage right of the satellite, which has a big window. And we go back to Deep 13 for a rare mid-episode visit.
Crow: “Meanwhile, in a less-interesting part of the film.”
Man, Hugh is cheerful in this movie, as Crow notes; he basically just laughs off nearly getting himself and the rest of the expedition killed.
Funny bit where they all pass under a log and the guys have them bumping their heads.
Nice scene between Rostov and Caesar, where Caesar apologizes for suspecting Rostov and Rostov basically explains that he’s used to it. They’re both decent actors and the scene is nicely played.
Rostov: “No country can survive if it loses the respect of its own people or the world.”
Servo: “Hasn’t stopped the good U.S. of A!”
Caesar (angrily): “Are you bored?”
Servo (same): “Yes, I’m bored! Let’s do something!”
Man, during Caesar’s big inspirational speech Hugh is in the background beaming; you just can’t get the guy down!
And more random wandering around. That’s all this film has been for the last forty-minutes or so; wandering around, occasionally interrupted by some random action.
(as they lean against a huge rock-pile)
Joel: “Uh, you won’t be happy when you find out what you’re leaning in.”
Crow: “Brain the size of a walnut.”
Joel: “Dinosaurs?”
Crow: “No, the director.”
Servo (on Caesar): “I’ll just stand here; tall and proud, keeping America…well, South America…Latin America safe for democracy.”
(Hugh unfolds a piece of paper)
Crow: “’You will die at the hands of a triceratops’?”
And Melton gets killed by a triceratops. Rather surprising; comic relief characters tend not to die in movies like this.
And we immediately cut to the next scene. As Joel notes; that was a short mourning period.
Servo: “Guys, now it’s the trip down!”
All: “No!!”
The trip down takes much less time, of course; the film’s almost done.
Servo: “You know, guys, if you ask me, I’d say they just reversed the film here.”
Rostov: “The whole mountain is blowing up under us!”
Servo: “Yep, the model doesn’t look too good either.”
They all get up and react to the avalanche/earthquake.
Servo: “They’ve come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.”
And the island blows up, but they steal a boat from the abandoned village.
Why is it lost worlds always blow up right after being discovered?
Crow: “Get away! The stock-footage is erupting!”
(as our heroes float to safety in a canoe)
Crow: “Ah, safe, out of danger. SHARK!”
Servo: “What do you think they’ll call the sequel?”
Joel: “Uh, ‘Padding and Paddling’?”
Final Host Segment: AMC-style discussion of the film. Their anecdotes get increasingly ridiculous, ending with Crow: “Director Newfield, known Nazi spy, cocaine fiend, and pyromaniac, used to amuse the cast and crew by doing terrible things to dog with a fork.” And there’s a letter.
Stinger: Explorers cuddle by the fire; one of those ‘meh’ Stingers for me; I just didn’t find it that weird a scene. Something with Melton would have been better.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. The Black Scorpion
3. Mad Monster
4. Lost Continent
5. Rocketship XM
6. Moon Zero Two
7. The Crawling Hand
8. Catalina Caper
9. Jungle Goddess
10. Wild Rebels
11. The Corpse Vanishes
12. Ring of Terror
13. Untamed Youth
14. The Slime People
15. Project Moonbase
16. The Sidehackers
17. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
18. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
19. Rocket Attack USA
20. Robot Holocaust
21. Robot Monster
Conclusion: A semi-watchable movie, plus some strong riffing and one all-time classic host segment make for a very strong episode.
Final Rating: 8/10.
No comments:
Post a Comment