(Introductory note: As I am currently in Austria, I won't have the chance to continue my MST3K reviews until I return. However, I had started three reviews before I left and may post them, depending on how complete they are and whether I think I can finish them without reviewing the episode.)
Ring of Terror is a pretty middle-of-the-road episode, notable mostly for the rather disastrous experiment of following the movie with a short instead of the other way around. This does not work at all; shorts help us ease into the movie, rather like an appetizer or a salad. Putting it after the movie is only tiring; once the main feature’s credits role, we’re ready to go home, so springing a short on us doesn’t work.
Well, anyway, Ring of Terror. The film is bookended with a crazy doctor/grave-keeper (I think) leading into our story from one of the tombstones (I suspect this was going to be the pilot for an anthology horror series, but it wasn’t picked up). The story proper concerns Lewis Moffitt (“Sat on a toffit…”), a surprisingly old med-student who is the only guy not squeamish during dissections (you’d think med students would have stronger stomachs, but I guess not). He’s got a girlfriend, who gets mad at him for no reason, and everyone thinks of him as the guy who is never afraid. Turns out he’s really afraid of the dark. Anyway, the fraternity he wants to join (why is never explained) decides a good hazing trick for him would be to send him to the cemetery to steal a ring from a recently dissected corpse (you’d think they’d take that off before the dissection). Anyway, a cat scares him and the dead-guy’s hand snags on his sleeve, so he dies of fright and the narrator seems to find this quite amusing.
Then there’s the Phantom Creeps, which I simply cannot follow at all; the poor film quality certainly doesn’t help. There’s some rather cool effects scenes in this one (especially the climax with power-lines blowing up), but nothing much else; I’m glad they decided to stop doing the serials eventually; they’re just not very well suited for this sort of thing. And I’m REALLY glad they learned their lesson from the episode and never followed the movie with the short again.
Thoughts while watching:
Opening: fake movie sign. We actually see where Joel goes during movie sign (down a side-chute) and we see Crow try to press the button.
Invention exchange: Mads; the real operation game; a little over campy for me, but still fun. Joel; pin-bolus (you play pinball with your kidneys, internal organs and swallowed food). Pretty funny. Big medical week this time.
I rather like Servo’s reading from a film guide about the film.
And I love their panicking as they get too close to the gate.
Weird pretentious narrator.
Servo (on the weird narrator): “Mr. Magoo, what happened to you?”
The bit with the narrator looking for his cat, Puma, will be reused again and again in the series (it’s frankly boring as hell here).
And the guy drops the cat and steps on it, so the chase is on again! Arrgg!
Joel strokes the cat and reassures it.
And we segue into the story proper.
Servo (as Moffitt reads a med-book): “Let’s see, where was I…oh, yeah, see Dick, see Dick make a lateral incision…”
And Moffitt’s girlfriend talks about him with her friends.
Numerous ‘old’ jokes on the surprisingly elderly college students.
Joel (as Moffitt’s date): “Oh, the dump again?”
Really stilted dialogue.
Moffitt: “I’m studying medicine because…”
Servo: “I’m old, I’ve got a practice, I’ve been a respected doctor for twenty years.”
I love Joel’s ‘snake’ voice!
Crow (after Moffitt kills the snake): “Ah, now where were we? I believe I had my tongue down your throat.”
Wait, there’s a dance floor and stage in the cafeteria? What kind of med school is this?
First Host Segment: The Old School; a university for the elderly as seen in the film ‘Ring of Terror.’ I’m not much of a fan of ‘old people’ jokes, but this is pretty funny.
Wait, his girlfriend is name ‘Betty Crocker?!’
Joel takes the last of the fat couple’s drink!
Servo (on the fat couple’s dance): “An interpretive dance showing how plate-tectonics work.”
Crow: “We’re thinking of taking advantage of the freshmen’s osteoporosis.”
I think the copy I’m watching skips a few scenes…grrr…Okay, I switched to a better-looking copy. Now I can really appreciate the ‘old student’ jokes.
Joel does some great ‘other-side’ dialogue for the phone scenes.
Padded scenes leading up to the autopsy…
Servo: “City Morgue; we deliver!”
I rather suspect they’re making a rather bigger deal of this whole ‘autopsy-nausea’ scene than generally happens in real med-schools.
Does the showing the corpse’s hand really warrant the horror chord?
Doctor: “John Doe left this world with one possession…”
Crow: “Dibs!”
Fat guy faints…and again…because it’s SO FUNNY!
Servo: “Say, uh, doctor guy, could we have some of those tools? We’ve got another one up here…”
Their quips during the autopsy montage are great.
Look, the hand with the ring is not inherently scary.
And Moffitt has a nightmare.
Kid: “Alice won’t even look at me.”
Crow: “Can you blame her, pug-boy?”
And the girls are randomly mad because the guys dumped them to go to A CLASS the last night! Come on, the girls in ‘Catalina Caper’ had a better reason!
Guy: “That’s right, the barbeque!”
Servo: “They’re gonna eat the body?!”
Second Host Segment: Mr. Hoover’s autopsy. It’s a HILARIOUS parody of the film’s scene; one of the best segments so far this season.
Guy: “Hey, what’s the story on you, Moffitt?”
Servo: “I’m a serial killer.”
Okay, so Moffitt’s afraid of the dark.
Crow (on an establishing shot): “Here at the coliseum, the vomitoriums are cleaned and readied for the day’s activities.”
And the frat-boys decide on what ritual humiliations they’re going to put the kids who for some reason want to join them through. I just don’t get fraternities.
Girl: “It’s the way you’ve been acting.”
Crow: “Woodenly.”
Moffitt and girl make up (still unclear why they were angry in the first place).
Joel’s right; the fat jokes were never funny and now they’re getting really stupid.
They’re trying to get someone to kill the annoying frat-boy.
(as the frat-boys dump water on the guy)
Servo: “And a bucket of battery acid!”
Crow: “I think the only plot was back in the graveyard.”
Joel: “There’s a million bushes in this naked city, and a million naked people behind them.”
Crow (as Moffitt’s girlfriend): “Oh, how I love that manly man o’mine! Well, off to find someone else…”
So, Moffitt goes to the cemetery for his hazing. Again, why do people go through this for some stupid, arbitrary group?
Crow (the hero pulls up in a cemetery): “Oh, he’s gonna go around to the drive-in window.”
I love their muffled ‘corpse’ voices as Moffitt walks through the graveyard.
They call back to ‘Puma! Puma!’ already!
(as Moffitt walks through the graveyard)
Crow (singing): “The hills are alive…oh, I guess not.”
(in a mausoleum)
Joel: “Hey, it actually says ‘you stab ‘em, we slab ‘em.’”
And Moffitt dies of fright when the cat screams and the corpse’s hand snags on him.
The narrator’s back to deliver the ironic epilogue. I’m guess this was intended as a pilot for an anthology horror series, but it wasn’t good enough.
Third Host Segment: Ram Chips for a good-and-bad thing about the movie (the keep dropping requests for Ram chips). It’s pretty good; their Ram-chip requests are great; especially Servo. Then they cut down the Deep 13 to introduce the short.
And back into the theater for the short!
You know, it was a really bad idea to put the short after the movie; I suspect they did it as an experiment, but it doesn’t work; it’s like serving the salad after the main course.
Odd moment where Joel claims that Willis Cooper was Eddie Haskell; that’s not even close to Eddie’s actor (Ken Osmond) or, frankly, any other ‘Leave it to Beaver’ cast member.
Another ‘Star Wars’ esque opening crawl.
(reading the opening crawl)
Crow: “’…by using a device which makes him invisible’ a contract to appear on the comedy channel!”
Man, they must have been feeling their oats that day!
So, the resolution of the cliff-hanger is that his unconscious body fell out of the car?! That’s the best they could do?
(hero misses and hits a tree)
Servo: “Oh, good Bob, you killed a sequoia.”
Bela steals a random guy’s car.
And more characters show up!
Guy 1: “Who do you think they are?”
Guy 2: “That’s what we’re gonna find out!”
Crow: “That’s not what I asked!
Good point…Servo just pointed out that all these guys look the same.
Bela shows off the ‘source of all his power’ it’s pretty vague.
And we wander around the three or four plot lines…
Evil Spy: “With it, we can conquer the world!”
Servo: “Then we start thinking big!”
Sidekick tries to control the robot; doesn’t go very well. At least it doesn’t try to kill him.
Crow: “Not even chauffeurs can resist the rich taste of ultimate power.”
You know, that robot does look a LOT like Richard Kiel…
And the heroes catch the sidekick who had been trying to smuggle the ‘source of ultimate power’ away.
Servo: “Yeah, let’s clown around with something we can’t possibly understand.”
Rather humorously, the heroes accidentally destroy all power sources around them, leading to the cliffhanger where a power-line tower falls across the road.
Final Host Segment: Song: “If Chauffeurs Ruled the World.” Frank is great here! Then Dr. F. tries to stop him by dropping the car on his head. He finishes anyway.
Stinger: “Weird. Yeah, I guess that is the word for it. Weird.”
Really good; a perfect, odd little moment; the sort of thing stingers were made for.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. The Black Scorpion
3. Mad Monster
4. Rocketship XM
5. Moon Zero Two
6. The Crawling Hand
7. Catalina Caper
8. Jungle Goddess
9. The Corpse Vanishes
10. Ring of Terror
11. Untamed Youth
12. The Slime People
13. Project Moonbase
14. The Sidehackers
15. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
16. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
17. Rocket Attack USA
18. Robot Holocaust
19. Robot Monster
Conclusion: A lame, stupid little movie with decent riffing makes this a decent episode, though marred slightly by the poorly-conceived experiment of following the movie with the short.
Final Rating: 6.5/10.
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