This is one of those movies which I really think they shouldn’t have done. The episode isn’t bad, and the riffing is about as good as could be expected, but the movie itself is so unpleasant and dreary that it really brings the whole episode down, at least for me.
The story revolves around Rommel (no, not that one); a motorcycle mechanic and part-time Sidehacker. Sidehacking involves attaching a side car to a motorcycle and having a passenger lean out to balance the bike on the turns. This also has the odd effect of somehow removing all the excitement from motorcycle racing; I think it’s because the addition is so completely pointless, indeed, counter-productive that it jams the brain and prevents any enjoyment from seeping through.
Anyway, Rommel has a girlfriend, and a married best friend, and pretty much everything is going swimmingly until JC, a crazy exhibition rider, and his crew shows up. JC and his girlfriend both fall in love with Rommel, which, since JC is nuts, eventually leads him to beat up Rommel and kill his girlfriend. Rommel is bent on revenge and throws his life away gathering some help and proceeds to execute perhaps the worst thought-out revenge plot in history, which of course goes wrong, leading to many deaths, including his own, while JC waits to be picked up by the police.
In the episode guide, they explain that they decided to do this film without watching it all, and so were horrified at the dark turn it takes about half-way through. While JC’s histrionics are funny in themselves, scenes like him punching his girlfriend and being a general jerk (and the cut scene of him raping and killing Rommel’s girlfriend) really bring the episode down.
The host segments are generally pretty amusing, my favorites being the sidehacker song and the sidehacking terminology sketches. This seems to be a fan favorite, but it certainly isn’t one of mine.
Thoughts while Watching:
Opening: Joel just gave the robots a bath and is about to put them down. They utter another peep after he specifically tells them not to.
Joel: “Postage-stamp theater presents!”
(The film is shown through extremely tiny screens during the opening).
I love their fake, dramatic titles; “Baby, can you drive my *murder*!” This might be the first example of it, but it’ll be a hilarious recurring joke for the rest of the series.
Crow: “Hey, the whole Tessier clan got in on this!”
Joel: “You know, now that Sidehacking is so big, it’s interesting to see its humble origins.”
Wait, there really was a ‘Southern California Side-Hack Association?’ I never noticed that credit before, and I would never have believed this was ever a real sport if I hadn’t seen it (I’m still not sure I do).
Sickening romantic montage of the sort you might see in a very special episode of ‘Knight Rider’ (except no talking car, mores the pity).
Crow: “Hey, Joel, where do you suppose these people are working now that cigarette ads are illegal?”
It does look like a cigarette ad!
Joel: “You taste good too, but your…lips…are…drugged!”
As the screen goes blurry.
Joel: “Even this grass is…it’s…drugged!”
One thing I do like about this movie is Ross Hagen’s gruffness as Rommel (no, not THE Rommel). He’s the romantic hero, but he’s still a tough, gruff guy. It’s a terrible script, but I like how he plays the character, at least in the beginning.
JC, the bad-guy, shows up.
Girl: “Exhibition riding; fairs, rodeos…”
Servo: “Weddings, Bar-Mitzvahs.”
Rommel: “I’m Rommel.”
Crow: “Oh, you magnificent son-of-a-bitch, I read your book!”
Rommel: “It’s called a side-hack.”
Crow: “We built a whole movie out of it. We had to pad out the first scene with the meadow…”
Friend tries to warn Rommel, Rommel shrugs, thinking it’s no big deal.
More Side-Hacking. Say, where does the ‘Interesting, but stupid,’ line come from?
Joel: “’No newcomer to this new sport’?”
Good point, Joel.
Man, this is a really stupid sport. I mean, I can more or less get Motorcycle racing, but this side-hacking thing is just a pointless.
Cambot’s rare (possibly only) quip; he puts up an ESPN-style scoreboard around the film.
First Host Segment: The Sidehacking Song. It’s really good; one of the first great songs. “Better get with the sport, because it won’t last long.” I must say, Joel isn’t much of a singer (especially compared with Kevin or Mike), but the song is so fun and his performance is so good that it doesn’t matter the slightest.
JC tries Side-Hacking. Not only does this emphasize the stupidity and pointlessness of the whole thing, but also makes JC even more annoyingly incompetent.
I know there probably are really people like JC whom people seem to gravitate towards for no reason whatsoever, but again, why does anyone hang out with people like this?
And the movie starts veering sharply into unpleasantness, a territory it’s gonna stay in for a while (this makes it pretty hard to laugh at).
Joel and the bots are angry at the film, as they should be (JC just punched his girlfriend in the stomach).
Joel: “Try some of my forbidden fruit.”
The source of the ‘chili peppers burn my gut’ line.
Joel: “Hey, what’s the director doing in here?”
The guy really does look like a director!
I like Crow’s ‘There’s a Ladder in the way’ lines.
Man, Rommel has to be the thickest guy on Earth; he needs JC’s girl to spell it out that she’s hitting on him.
So, she just tears her clothes and instant-rape? She’s smiling and her hair isn’t even mussed! I know JC is crazy, but come on, girl, put some effort into it!
By the way, should a married man really have that many girly pictures in his office? I mean, the Marines in ‘Aliens’ didn’t have that many!
Cut to post-sex romp, with some particularly bad dialogue.
I like their snoring ‘Rommel dialogue.’
Servo: “Wake up, you desert fox, you!”
Second Host Segment: They discuss new terminology for Side-Hacking. I remember when I first saw it I loved this sketch. It’s still pretty amusing. “It’s an exciting day indeed here at Japanese-War-Atrocity Park…” A good example of their weird, disjointed writing. (interestingly enough, they mention ‘fintuzler’ at least twice; I have no idea what that is, but they’ll bring it up again at least once in the first episode of the next season; more later).
So, during the Host Segment, JC and his guys beat up Rommel and raped and killed his girlfriend (for obvious reasons, the scene was cut).
What the…Rommel staggers into the house then IMMEDIATELY races back out.
Sappy, sad song and montage.
Crow: “We used to come here to club seals together…”
Joel: “Funny, even these oil fields seem to remind me of her; I can’t put my finger on it…”
Joel and the bots seem pretty sad about the events of the film (as well they should).
Servo (on Rommel’s musings on the Bible): “Yeah, if you read it from the back it’s even more confusing.”
Joel: “Okay, I go to the bank, go to dry-cleaners, get some lunch, kill JC’s gang…”
Big-Jake! He’s…really not that big; just a little muscular (he was probably the biggest guy they could find). This also is the origin of the occasional call-back “he hit Big Jake!”
JC is such a ham! He’s actually pretty hilarious most of the time, when he’s not being completely loathsome.
Robot Holocaust call back!
The day-for-night looks like a slightly over-cast noon.
Man, Rommel’s friend’s wife is a really bad actress.
Annoying hick guy tells a long, bad joke.
Servo: “Hey, let’s just kill this guy for practice.”
Annoying hick guy is REALLY annoying!
By the way, there hasn’t been any side-hacking since about the fifteen-minute mark.
Third Host Segment: The bots and Joel dress like Rommel when JC comes (played by Mike Nelson). What’s that whip-noise whenever they mention Rita? Mike is great as JC, Frank not so much as Cooch.
I think you can see Servo’s control-stick when Joel hands him off.
Crow: “Coochy, Coochy, Cooch!”
(I’ve been waiting for someone to use that line since they first said Couch’s name).
Rather appalling scene where JC kills his girlfriend.
Man, Joel said it: “I’m really glad it’s just a movie.”
Hey, Crow called back to the previous episode!
Man, Cooch really is one incompetent spy.
Rommel lies and sends his friend away then attacks JC’s camp.
Joel: “You think you’ve got problems, I’m not even supposed to be in this film!”
And, Big-Jake gets shot (man, that whole ‘no guns, let’s attack without the police’ thing is looking pretty smart right now).
Why did JC shoot Cooch? Oh, who cares, let’s just get this thing over with.
Annoying hick-guy is a dead-eye with a pistol ridding a side-hack. Right.
Servo: “Okay, I’ve got to remember that I’m crazy; note to myself, load guns before killing spree.”
And it’s just Rommel and JC. Again, if his plan was this stupid, why didn’t Rommel just wait for the police?
It must be said that their fight is believably dirty.
And Rommel just walks off after punching JC in the crotch. JC then shoots him, since he had landed right next to a gun. This is perhaps the single most incompetent vendetta in film history!
Final Host segment: they talk about how depressing the film was and Joel sings ‘Love Pads the Film,’ again, the song and his performance carries over Joel’s singing defects. Gypsy provides back up. And we get to hear Kevin Murphy’s great singing voice for perhaps the first time. By the way, this song is basically the exact one from the film, with a couple lyrics added in.
Now letters; You know, I never liked the letters much; they’re never very funny, and they kind of break up the pace of the final segment. Here’s a textbook example; they could have and should have ended right after the song, but they come back and add another couple of not-very-funny minutes on.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. The Black Scorpion
3. Mad Monster
4. Rocketship XM
5. Moon Zero Two
6. The Crawling Hand
7. The Corpse Vanishes
8. Untamed Youth
9. The Slime People
10. Project Moonbase
11. The Sidehackers
12. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
13. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
14. Robot Holocaust
15. Robot Monster
Conclusion: A very bad and unpleasant movie brings down an episode with decent riffing and host segments.
Final Rating: 6/10.
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