Another episode I wasn’t really looking forward to; the ‘troubled youth’ genre is probably my least favorite of the usual MST3k fodder, and the prospect of one of those movies with Season 1 quality riffing was not an appealing one.
Happily, I was proven wrong again. This movie is as bad and annoying as any of its genre, but the riffing is remarkably strong; enough to keep things interesting. The story focuses on two sisters who are picked up for hitchhiking and sent to a reform-farm where they work off their sentence, supposedly getting all ‘modern conveniences’ and the like. Well, it turns out the boss is corrupt (well, eventually; for the first half of the film he seems like nothing more than a typically-strict prison guard, but since he’s an authority figure in a prison movie, we intuitively know he’s evil from the get-go) and is keeping everyone as forced labor by making them pay for their amenities and stick around until they’re all paid up (in other words, they’re stuck there) while soliciting sex from the women, cutting corners on the food, and refusing medical care. It’s all horrible and nightmarish, but no one seems to mind much; in fact, they have dances every. Single. Night. This somewhat undercuts the whole ‘atrocious living conditions’ thing, but you have to have music in a teen-flick, you know. Eventually, the son of the judge who sentenced the girls (you might need to read that sentence over a few times) wises up, falls in love with one of the sisters, and together with his mom and girlfriend and the other prisoners (who are all decent people, of course) he rights the wrongs of the farm and takes over. The end.
The film’s main point of interest is Maime Van Doren, who plays one of the sisters. For those who don’t know, Maime was a low-rate sex symbol of the fifties and sixties; as typical for the time, she was a chestacular blond (she’s been described as the poor-man’s Jayne Mansfield, who was herself the poor-man’s Marilyn Monroe). Unfortunately, she wasn’t really all that pretty, and had…limited acting skills. What’s more, her extreme sexual assertiveness a) made her considerably less attractive than she might have been and b) frankly did not fit with her character (who was the younger, more naïve and innocent sister) at all. Fortunately, the other sister is played by the rather more appealing Lori Nelson (of ‘Revenge of the Creature’ fame). Lori is much more the real heroine of the film (although Maime gets top billing), and is the one who ends up with the hero.
Anyway, the film is bad, over-done, annoying, and we have to suffer through several terrible songs. This sort of thing would be done several times over MST3K’s run, but like I said, they don’t really appeal to me too much. Still, the riffing here is fine, and the film’s campiness kind of keeps things interesting.
Thoughts While Watching:
Opening: Tom has a tape-worm. Includes the great line: “Watch it, that’s the only torso I have!”
Invention Exchange: Joel; the never-light pipe. Pretty amusing. Mads; tongue puppets. Meh. The mads’ hugging celebration is funny, though.
Feature: Okay, the first non-sci-fi/horror flick.
Crow: “Hey, I hope there’s a cartoon first.”
Nice call-back to the previous episode.
Joel (as the lone guy runs around and trips a lot): “It looks like he’s playing football against Claude Rains University.”
Joel: “I think hiding from the police would be easier if this were before harvest time.”
Servo: “This is like that Stephen King story, ‘Children of the Dirt’”
(over empty fields)
Pig-like authority figures. Fat police-man tries to make girls bathing in their underwear come out while he’s looking.
By the way, they just came out of the water, but their hair is completely dry.
God, this movie about as subtle as an A-Bomb. The stuck-up judge passes an unfair sentence then blows off the rest of the trial to greet her returning son.
Crow (viewing motley farm hands, including mostly girls): “Ah, the original Dirty Dozen.”
“Monkeys?”
Yeah, what the hell DOES that mean?
Oily Boss Guy: “That’s what this place needs; entertainment.”
Joel: “I myself dabbled in ventriloquey”
My God, that sultry woman is TERRIFYING!
I know the bad guy is a brute, but the fact that it is so depressingly rare to find a guy who will stay firm with a cheating girl that I find his firmness rather refreshing.
Maime has a song. She’s not that bad (can’t say the same for the song). Assuming, that is, that it really is her singing.
Cat fight. I guess some people find these things titillating, but I just find them unpleasant. I don’t like seeing girls get hit, even if they’re the ones doing it.
Really, if they didn’t tell me the guy was shady, and apart from his slightly heavy-handed treatment, I would like him.
First Host Segment: the Greg Brady story (They think that one of the girls looks like him). I don’t know what they’re humming. Joel kind of stumbles here. I never watched ‘The Brady Bunch,’ so I don’t really get this too much.
I must say; Joel is a great comedian, but he wasn’t much of an on-screen performer; he flubbed or at least stumbled over his lines all the time. It helped that on the show he was basically just being himself, but still, it’s a little distracting.
Guy: “Bob Steel”
Crow: “Hi, I Ron Iron!”
Joel: “Now, I don’t know if you’re into weird scenes or not, but check this out.”
Again, the guy is supposed to be a jerk, but I just find his admirably strict. I mean, he is basically a prison warden; what do you expect?
Farmer: “You’ve got plenty of hands working for you.”
Joel: “Two a person.”
Joel is picking cotton!
Crow: “The stupidest crook in the world; he steals cotton.”
Another song; this one is pretty bad. I don’t know, if I were working out in the field I might listen to a song, but I would stop to clap and dance. And if it were this song, I’d shut him up with whatever farm tools were available.
Thank you! One of the overseers shut the guy up!
What-the…Maime just suddenly appeared on the ground. I guess a scene is missing here, or I missed something. At any rate, Bob Steel is her official love interest.
Crow (As they give Maime water): “Wait, that’s my motorman’s helper.”
So…I guess the warden-guy and the judge are lovers…or rather, he’s clearly stringing her along.
Now warden-guy is starting to act like a bit of a jerk here. They play the old “You mean WE will…”thing.
Oh, wait, maybe it wasn’t Maime…you know, I have a lot of trouble in these things telling people apart; the film quality and the fact that most of them are blond means that they all look alike.
Huh? Cut to dance scene…I guess they’re celebrating the end of the day’s work. Man, cotton picking must be easier than it looks, if they’ve got this kind of energy afterwards.
The sad thing is that as bad as this dancing is it’s still better than the dancing we see today. You can add dancing to art, poetry, literature, music, movies, television, and society in general (to name jsut a few) in things that have been getting steadily worse with time.
Crow: “Hey everybody, get me, I’m doing the ‘Abe Lincoln’.”
Second Host Segment: Crow tells the story of how they show what Gypsy is thinking. Her entire mid is Richard Basehart and Ram Chips. Her voice is a bit clearer and she seems more aware than she’s been up to now. The segment is mildly amusing, especially Crow.
Another song for Maime. The song sucks, of course. And she’s not as good as she was earlier. She acts like she’s in a strip-club of some sort.
Cook: “You have more than a modicum of talent, sister.”
Crow: “You mean these?”
Cook wants to put Maime on TV. Certainly that would be a better showcase for her, um, talents than radio (her primary talents will distract from her singing).
Sultry Girl: “He’ll probably give you that corny pass about becoming his ‘housekeeper.’”
Servo: “You mean the one you chomped down upon like a bass?”
Okay, it looks like the guy is actually in love with Maime’s sister (played by Lori Nelson, of ‘Revenge of the Creature’ fame). I must agree that I’d go with her over Maime too. Maime is way too aggressive and that translates in my mind to unattractiveness.
Maime is hilariously bad in this scene where she’s threatened by the dogs.
Come on, the kids are still dancing? Man, according to this movie, farm work is the easiest thing in the world.
Jerk-guy (who at last is really unpleasant) makes out with the judge again.
Judge: “What we’re doing is absolutely legal!”
Joel: “Except for the parts that aren’t.”
Joel: “I can’t go on this way, my lunch is coming…oop!”
Joel: “I didn’t mean for you to drink it, you silly woman, it’s kerosene.”
You know, I’ve got to say, I think Lori Nelson is a lot more attractive than Maime; Maime basically relies on her body rather than her face, which is always something I find unappealing.
Girl dies, turns out she was pregnant. Joel expresses regret over mocking the movie. Yeah, this is a pretty dark turn.
Guy tries to convince his judge/mother about what’s going on. She tries to avoid the conclusion, eventually admits she’s married to jerk-guy.
Bob: “She’s dead.”
Servo: “Okay, when will she be back to work?”
Gypsy comes into the theater. Weird. She spits out some cotton.
Bob: “I’d like to see you again. Lots of times.”
Joel: “And then stop abruptly, breaking your heart like a toy.”
Man, Lori Nelson is a LOT more attractive than Maime.
The hell? Bob is changing his mind right and left!
Third Host Segment: Gypsy is sick and vomiting up cotton, tophee, and paper-towels. Servo keeps suggesting new things for Gypsy to make, including the very first Tom Servo clone!
Lori goes to Judge, Judge resolves to help.
Oh, yeah, it’s a terrible, living-nightmare; I can’t understand how they could even live, THEY HAVE DANCES EVERY FRIGGIN’ NIGHT!!! WHAT KIND OF LAME-ASS PRISON-CAMP IS THIS!!!!???
Maime sings again; song sucks, her voice is not too bad, but her dancing is…yikes. You know, for a supposedly innocent, younger sister-type, she’s pretty demonstrative and assertive. Of course she is, she’s Maime Van Doren.
You know, the ‘Greg Brady’ girl is really butch and even has a deep, manly voice. It’s kind of disturbing.
Bob (crouched behind a tractor): “What is he saying?”
Servo: “He muttered something about shooting the kid behind the tractor, then I missed the rest.”
Bob wrestling with the dog is hilarious.
Again, “monkeys?”
Rest of the prisoners show up and surround bad-guys, then judge shows up, and everything is worked out nicely.
Judge: “I’ve just found out what conditions you’ve been living under.”
‘Conditions’? Again, they’re apparently good enough to allow for DANCES EVERY NIGHT!!!!!
Ends with Maime singing the worst song yet while showing off her underwear on TV. While Bob and Lori watch from their pleasant home. Have I mentioned how much more attractive Lori is than Maime? And it’s augmented here by the fact that Lori isn’t singing.
This is like two or three minutes of a god-awful song, after the entire plot of the film has been resolved. In other words, we’re wasting time!
Lori and Bob marry, and he takes over the ranch. Well, it’s a happy ending, and again, I like Lori, but it would have gone down easier without Maime’s musical number.
Ending: The weird guy in the movie; why is he there? He’s the goofy friend who always gets killed first in the haunted house. Man, that would have been great here! Joel: “The goofy guy is around to irritate the audience so they build up a lot of resentment so that nobody’s hurt when he gets offed.” It’s pretty amusing. And Letters. Meh.
Hey, this is the first time they list it as the ‘Information Club!’ Cool! It’s like when in an origin flick the hero is called by name for the first time.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. Moon Zero Two
4. The Crawling Hand
5. The Corpse Vanishes
6. Untamed Youth
7. The Slime People
8. Project Moonbase
9. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
10. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
11. Robot Holocaust
12. Robot Monster
Conclusion: My a rather amusingly stupid movie, plus some really strong riffing propel this one into winning territory.
Final Rating: 7/10
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
MST3K – Episode 111: Moon Zero Two
I really didn’t expect much from this episode; in the ‘Amazing Colossal Episode Guide’ (from now on, I’m just calling it the ’Episode Guide.’ Yes, I’m lazy; can’t do anything about it), they claim to not remember a thing about the episode, and I only rarely hear about it elsewhere (until recently I generally confused it with ‘Project Moonbase’). I must say, though, this was one which surprised me a bit; it’s a kind of fun movie, in a sixties way (which means there are annoying dance scenes, weird fashions, and everything is just generally goofy). The riffing is surprisingly good; quite a few good riffs in this one.
The basic plot (as far as I can remember) is that in The Future, on the Moon, our rough, former-explorer-turned-salvager hero takes an actually rather interesting job from a patently evil tycoon (is it naïve of me to suspect that most real life tycoons are not neutral-evil?) to crash an asteroid on the Moon so that he can harvest its valuable ore. Things are complicated by two female characters (I’m going to be generous and assume that some scenes got cut here and that they are introduced in a better fashion than we see here, because I could not keep track of them at ALL as presented; mostly it’s the fact that the one girl’s appearance changes every single time she shows up!); one is a female cop (I didn’t realize this until her final scene), the other is the sister of a miner who has disappeared. Surprise, surprise, he was murdered by the evil tycoon so he could land his asteroid on his land. It’s kind of a western-in-space deal, especially with the ‘claim-squatters’ thing. In the end, the cop-girl is killed, the villains are killed (most of them quite unnecessarily), and hero and sister-girl return to the Moon, eagerly anticipating wealth and sex (hey, throw a little power in there and they’ll have all the roots of evil in one nice package).
Like I said, the riffing is pretty good here, with a number of very sharp lines. They are definitely improving with time. The host-segments are only so-so, though; amusing, but not really hilarious or clever. So, a surprisingly good episode all around.
Thoughts while Watching;
Opening: Why are the bots wearing bathrobes? And what does Joel mean that he’ll be eating vicariously through us?
Invention Exchange: Joel has a food-teleporter; pretty good. Mads; celebrity toothpaste. More icky than funny, but not bad.
The movie opens with cartoon-credits and a theme song.
Servo: “Titles by Mrs. Greedie’s third grade.”
Joel gets up and starts dancing.
During the credits, there’s a weird little cartoon of a Russian and American Astronaut fighting over who gets to put their flag on the moon. Then they notice a new international moon club. It’s kind of weird. The song is pretty annoying, though.
Joel: “Uh, Huston, I just spotted an animated cartoon on the surface of the moon.”
Finally the movie proper begins.
Crow: “Uh, Huston, our central air is here, but they didn’t send the duct-work, over.”
Man, this movie is boring so far.
Servo: “It seems like a waste of cargo space to bring along a conga-band.”
For goodness sakes! We just spent about five minutes watching a guy walk around silently in space and do stuff which we have no idea what it is; this makes for a very boring experience.
You know something? I frankly hate the sixties.
‘Moon-dollars’? Come on!
Joel tires to peak over the strategically-placed shower-covering! Wow!
Heroine walks in on hero when he’s naked. Incidentally, what the hell is the deal with her head-gear? She looks like she’s wearing half of a cheap Star-Wars Halloween costume.
Joel: “They dress their stewardesses like Nazis!”
The guys are all facing AWAY from the in-flight movie!
Pretentious philosophical mussing out of nowhere.
Servo: “In the future, bras will grow on the moon.”
Naked exposition.
Joel: “Uh, you’re almost walking off the set…”
Frankly, it does look like that; I hope they weren’t THAT cheap.
First Host Segment: Tribute to Neil Armstrong. It’s mildly amusing.
Weird dance scene.
Lots of ‘atmosphere’ jokes.
Servo: “Moon Zero Mostel.”
I don’t think it looks like him, but alright.
What the…the guy calls him on the phone from about five feet away, and then the hero breaks the phone (on his end) so as not to answer it. That seems like kind of an empty, petty gesture, all things considered.
Hero: “Convince me!” (to go see the bad guy)
(henchman unzips his jacket)
Crow: “I’m convinced! Oh, it’s a gun…”
So, this guy can just pull a gun on someone in the middle of a fancy club?
Weird Monopoly game. Moonopoly. Man, give me a break.
Servo: “Fourth floor, tyrannical tycoons, loose women…”
Evil guy tries to get the hero to help him; sets up the plot. The hero is supposed to crash an asteroid on the moon so he can get the valuable gems inside. It’s not really a bad plot, it must be said. I’m actually interested in the movie now.
Woman: “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”
Servo: “Everyone says that, but no one ever tells me the other way!”
The characters look SO goofy in their space-suits! Especially the thug guy.
Girl with weird hat has seemed to disappear…unless that one girl is her; but frankly, I can’t tell.
Servo: “Will you turn off ‘Peter and the Wolf,’ please.
Crow (imitating British guy): “It’s the closest approach since I grew my bushy, wushy sideburns.”
What-the…weird scene here of some people coming back, but I don’t know who they are. I think it’s just an excuse to show those stupid dancers again.
Frankly, I can’t keep track of these characters; heroine girl’s hair changed completely! Look, people, if you want people to be able to keep track of characters, don’t alter their appearance each time they show up!
Girl with other hat is probably evil; she’s giving off that vibe.
Second Host Segment: Games of the future. “’Sorry’ will seem to be the hardest game.” Joel makes Crow and Servo do ‘Rock-em-sock-em-robots’ one of the few times Servo’s extendo-neck is scene. It’s weird and kind of random, but Crow’s boxer-talk in the theater afterwards is funny.
Crow: “In space, no one can hear you yawn.”
They kind of skipped some stuff here, which is fine with me. I think hero guy is still on it…yep, there he goes, he’s fine.
Now they’re back on the moon. More bad dancing. I hate the sixties.
Guy agrees to help girl.
Hero: “It’s only a three-day trip, I’ll be back in time.”
Crow: “That’s what the Skipper said.”
Bad fight scene. I guess the guy turned off the gravity, but it just looks really stupid. I mean, really stupid; they just slowed everything down.
Now they’re off looking for the girl’s brother. Not as interesting as the other plot. Of course, if I’m following this, that plot has been pretty well resolved.
The moon-car is kind of cool. It looks a little too much like the Wiener-Mobile, though.
And her hair is completely different now! What the hell?
Joel: “I know it’s a little rough now, but it’ll be better when we fall in love later in the picture.”
Back-story. Not very interesting at all.
Crow: “Okay, you’re twelve, I’m a hundred, I get it, already!”
Servo (on the hero): “You ever think about renting out your forehead for advertising?”
Really, this guy could play a Metalunan without any make-up! (If you don’t get that, wait a few years till I review “MST3K; the Movie”…or just go watch it now)
Joel: “Now, just how disappointed would you be if you never saw your brother alive again?”
They find the brother just a skeleton in his spacesuit. It’s a pretty cool-image, all things considered.
Bad guys attack. Action scene which is kind of hard to follow, mostly involves people’s suits getting punctured.
They steal the bad-guy’s moon-car. Which looks EXACTLY like the other one.
Segment Three: Servo and Crow discuss the women in the movie; they disagree over which one they prefer. I must say, I agree with Crow, but I generally prefer the good-girls. Then Joel turns off the gravity, like in the movie. It’s not as funny as Crow and Servo’s opening discussion. Joel’s ending bit is pretty good, though.
Pseudo-tension. Crow is envious of the guy.
What the…why is he naked (or close enough)?
Now she takes off her clothes.
Girl: “If it gets any hotter, I’ll have to take the rest of it off.”
Joel: “Pray for heat.”
Incidentally, why is the car called “Moon Fargo?”
Crow (as the car blows up): “Wait, the jazz combo was in there!”
Wait, so girl in skull-cap is a cop? I can’t keep these characters straight!
So, the plots are coming together.
Cop-girl gets shot in duel.
Villain: “Harry, shoot the young lady.”
Crow (as Harry): “Uh, which one?”
Joel (as villain): “The one that’s not dead, idiot!”
What the…where did Servo go? He just comes in after the commercial from the other side of the theater.
The sound-effects and music in this film are really annoying!
The villain gets his helmet melted.
Sidekick shoots thug. Was that really necessary? He wasn’t really a threat at the moment.
Hero leaves villains to horrible deaths. But, it’s alright, they’re the bad guys.
Crow (as the sidekick): “Wow, apparently, I’m dead.”
By the way, the whole cartoon at the beginning had NOTHING to do with the film, even in terms of foreshadowing the themes; there was no east-west conflict or anything.
Final Host Segment: Good-thing, bad-thing about the movie for ram-chips. Gypsy is there too! Wait, Crow doesn’t get his ram-chip! Gypsy gets one for saying ‘Richard Basehart.’
I actually enjoyed that movie a lot more than I expected; it’s kind of fun, in that cheesy, sixties way.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. Moon Zero Two
4. The Crawling Hand
5. The Corpse Vanishes
6. The Slime People
7. Project Moonbase
8. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
9. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
10. Robot Holocaust
11. Robot Monster
Conclusion: Good riffing (for season one), and a reasonably watchable and enjoyable movie make for a surprisingly enjoyable episode.
Final Rating: 7/10.
The basic plot (as far as I can remember) is that in The Future, on the Moon, our rough, former-explorer-turned-salvager hero takes an actually rather interesting job from a patently evil tycoon (is it naïve of me to suspect that most real life tycoons are not neutral-evil?) to crash an asteroid on the Moon so that he can harvest its valuable ore. Things are complicated by two female characters (I’m going to be generous and assume that some scenes got cut here and that they are introduced in a better fashion than we see here, because I could not keep track of them at ALL as presented; mostly it’s the fact that the one girl’s appearance changes every single time she shows up!); one is a female cop (I didn’t realize this until her final scene), the other is the sister of a miner who has disappeared. Surprise, surprise, he was murdered by the evil tycoon so he could land his asteroid on his land. It’s kind of a western-in-space deal, especially with the ‘claim-squatters’ thing. In the end, the cop-girl is killed, the villains are killed (most of them quite unnecessarily), and hero and sister-girl return to the Moon, eagerly anticipating wealth and sex (hey, throw a little power in there and they’ll have all the roots of evil in one nice package).
Like I said, the riffing is pretty good here, with a number of very sharp lines. They are definitely improving with time. The host-segments are only so-so, though; amusing, but not really hilarious or clever. So, a surprisingly good episode all around.
Thoughts while Watching;
Opening: Why are the bots wearing bathrobes? And what does Joel mean that he’ll be eating vicariously through us?
Invention Exchange: Joel has a food-teleporter; pretty good. Mads; celebrity toothpaste. More icky than funny, but not bad.
The movie opens with cartoon-credits and a theme song.
Servo: “Titles by Mrs. Greedie’s third grade.”
Joel gets up and starts dancing.
During the credits, there’s a weird little cartoon of a Russian and American Astronaut fighting over who gets to put their flag on the moon. Then they notice a new international moon club. It’s kind of weird. The song is pretty annoying, though.
Joel: “Uh, Huston, I just spotted an animated cartoon on the surface of the moon.”
Finally the movie proper begins.
Crow: “Uh, Huston, our central air is here, but they didn’t send the duct-work, over.”
Man, this movie is boring so far.
Servo: “It seems like a waste of cargo space to bring along a conga-band.”
For goodness sakes! We just spent about five minutes watching a guy walk around silently in space and do stuff which we have no idea what it is; this makes for a very boring experience.
You know something? I frankly hate the sixties.
‘Moon-dollars’? Come on!
Joel tires to peak over the strategically-placed shower-covering! Wow!
Heroine walks in on hero when he’s naked. Incidentally, what the hell is the deal with her head-gear? She looks like she’s wearing half of a cheap Star-Wars Halloween costume.
Joel: “They dress their stewardesses like Nazis!”
The guys are all facing AWAY from the in-flight movie!
Pretentious philosophical mussing out of nowhere.
Servo: “In the future, bras will grow on the moon.”
Naked exposition.
Joel: “Uh, you’re almost walking off the set…”
Frankly, it does look like that; I hope they weren’t THAT cheap.
First Host Segment: Tribute to Neil Armstrong. It’s mildly amusing.
Weird dance scene.
Lots of ‘atmosphere’ jokes.
Servo: “Moon Zero Mostel.”
I don’t think it looks like him, but alright.
What the…the guy calls him on the phone from about five feet away, and then the hero breaks the phone (on his end) so as not to answer it. That seems like kind of an empty, petty gesture, all things considered.
Hero: “Convince me!” (to go see the bad guy)
(henchman unzips his jacket)
Crow: “I’m convinced! Oh, it’s a gun…”
So, this guy can just pull a gun on someone in the middle of a fancy club?
Weird Monopoly game. Moonopoly. Man, give me a break.
Servo: “Fourth floor, tyrannical tycoons, loose women…”
Evil guy tries to get the hero to help him; sets up the plot. The hero is supposed to crash an asteroid on the moon so he can get the valuable gems inside. It’s not really a bad plot, it must be said. I’m actually interested in the movie now.
Woman: “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”
Servo: “Everyone says that, but no one ever tells me the other way!”
The characters look SO goofy in their space-suits! Especially the thug guy.
Girl with weird hat has seemed to disappear…unless that one girl is her; but frankly, I can’t tell.
Servo: “Will you turn off ‘Peter and the Wolf,’ please.
Crow (imitating British guy): “It’s the closest approach since I grew my bushy, wushy sideburns.”
What-the…weird scene here of some people coming back, but I don’t know who they are. I think it’s just an excuse to show those stupid dancers again.
Frankly, I can’t keep track of these characters; heroine girl’s hair changed completely! Look, people, if you want people to be able to keep track of characters, don’t alter their appearance each time they show up!
Girl with other hat is probably evil; she’s giving off that vibe.
Second Host Segment: Games of the future. “’Sorry’ will seem to be the hardest game.” Joel makes Crow and Servo do ‘Rock-em-sock-em-robots’ one of the few times Servo’s extendo-neck is scene. It’s weird and kind of random, but Crow’s boxer-talk in the theater afterwards is funny.
Crow: “In space, no one can hear you yawn.”
They kind of skipped some stuff here, which is fine with me. I think hero guy is still on it…yep, there he goes, he’s fine.
Now they’re back on the moon. More bad dancing. I hate the sixties.
Guy agrees to help girl.
Hero: “It’s only a three-day trip, I’ll be back in time.”
Crow: “That’s what the Skipper said.”
Bad fight scene. I guess the guy turned off the gravity, but it just looks really stupid. I mean, really stupid; they just slowed everything down.
Now they’re off looking for the girl’s brother. Not as interesting as the other plot. Of course, if I’m following this, that plot has been pretty well resolved.
The moon-car is kind of cool. It looks a little too much like the Wiener-Mobile, though.
And her hair is completely different now! What the hell?
Joel: “I know it’s a little rough now, but it’ll be better when we fall in love later in the picture.”
Back-story. Not very interesting at all.
Crow: “Okay, you’re twelve, I’m a hundred, I get it, already!”
Servo (on the hero): “You ever think about renting out your forehead for advertising?”
Really, this guy could play a Metalunan without any make-up! (If you don’t get that, wait a few years till I review “MST3K; the Movie”…or just go watch it now)
Joel: “Now, just how disappointed would you be if you never saw your brother alive again?”
They find the brother just a skeleton in his spacesuit. It’s a pretty cool-image, all things considered.
Bad guys attack. Action scene which is kind of hard to follow, mostly involves people’s suits getting punctured.
They steal the bad-guy’s moon-car. Which looks EXACTLY like the other one.
Segment Three: Servo and Crow discuss the women in the movie; they disagree over which one they prefer. I must say, I agree with Crow, but I generally prefer the good-girls. Then Joel turns off the gravity, like in the movie. It’s not as funny as Crow and Servo’s opening discussion. Joel’s ending bit is pretty good, though.
Pseudo-tension. Crow is envious of the guy.
What the…why is he naked (or close enough)?
Now she takes off her clothes.
Girl: “If it gets any hotter, I’ll have to take the rest of it off.”
Joel: “Pray for heat.”
Incidentally, why is the car called “Moon Fargo?”
Crow (as the car blows up): “Wait, the jazz combo was in there!”
Wait, so girl in skull-cap is a cop? I can’t keep these characters straight!
So, the plots are coming together.
Cop-girl gets shot in duel.
Villain: “Harry, shoot the young lady.”
Crow (as Harry): “Uh, which one?”
Joel (as villain): “The one that’s not dead, idiot!”
What the…where did Servo go? He just comes in after the commercial from the other side of the theater.
The sound-effects and music in this film are really annoying!
The villain gets his helmet melted.
Sidekick shoots thug. Was that really necessary? He wasn’t really a threat at the moment.
Hero leaves villains to horrible deaths. But, it’s alright, they’re the bad guys.
Crow (as the sidekick): “Wow, apparently, I’m dead.”
By the way, the whole cartoon at the beginning had NOTHING to do with the film, even in terms of foreshadowing the themes; there was no east-west conflict or anything.
Final Host Segment: Good-thing, bad-thing about the movie for ram-chips. Gypsy is there too! Wait, Crow doesn’t get his ram-chip! Gypsy gets one for saying ‘Richard Basehart.’
I actually enjoyed that movie a lot more than I expected; it’s kind of fun, in that cheesy, sixties way.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. Moon Zero Two
4. The Crawling Hand
5. The Corpse Vanishes
6. The Slime People
7. Project Moonbase
8. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
9. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
10. Robot Holocaust
11. Robot Monster
Conclusion: Good riffing (for season one), and a reasonably watchable and enjoyable movie make for a surprisingly enjoyable episode.
Final Rating: 7/10.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
MST3K – Episode 110: Robot Holocaust (with shorts: Commando Cody & the Radar Men from the Moon (partial))
This is a rather famous episode, and justly so; the movie shown here is the first of the ‘eighties sci-fi’ flicks which they’ve seen, and it’s a HILARIOUSLY awful movie. Not quite in the same league as ‘Robot Monster,’ but close (again, for an overview of this movie’s charms, check out the typically hilarious and insightful review at http://jabootu.net/?p=621).
Okay, here’s the plot, as well as I can gather it; it’s the Future, after the apocalypse (according to the opening narration, this was caused by a robot rebellion). The robots rule, the humans are slaves, kept in servitude by ‘The Dark One’ (whose imaginative name is typical of the film’s writing). The Dark One keeps them enslaved by controlling their air and threatening to turn off the air-cleaner and poison them all. Except that a surprising number of people, including Amazons, Mutants, and…some other group are immune to it (our hero, Neo, comes from the latter group).
Anyway, some scientist named Jorn invents a device to allow the few people who aren’t immune breath the poison air (oddly, it goes on the side of the head). The robots capture him and his daughter joins up with Neo and an annoying comic-relief robot (And a few random slave guys) to trek out of the city, then back again to destroy the Dark One (maybe it was just the print I was watching, or the riffing, but I had no idea what they were trying accomplish by leaving the city).
They have some time-wasting adventures, including a confrontation with some Amazons, and eventually make their way back to the air-processing plant, where the Dark One dwells.
Also there is the Dark One’s number-one gal, Valeria. Often in MST3K there is a specific character in the film who captures the Brains’ imagination. Valeria is definitely that one here; she’s an aggressively terrible actress (considering the general level of acting talent on display here, the mere fact that she stands out so much is pretty indicative of how bad she is) with a very strange accent which seems to get worse and worse as the film goes on.
Riff-wise, the film is pretty mediocre; rather standard for season one. This is one of those movies you wish they could do over again with the whole crew; with the skill they develop over the next season or two, this could have been an all-time classic. They get off some good riffs, of course, but it’s rather frustrating to know that they could have done so much better later on. The host-segments are amusing, but there aren’t any stand outs (my favorite is the third, where Tom tries to get Joel and Crow to play his post-apocalyptic adventure and gives himself the best role).
This episode also is the first example of the thankfully rare editing decisions which are simply inexcusable; here it’s the decision to cut off the short (another Cody serial episode) about halfway. The thing that makes this especially galling is that if they had cut the movie’s credits and maybe a scene or two in the rest of the film, they could have easily watched the entire short. What’s more, the credits don’t inspire any good riffs; indeed, they seem pretty bored during them. And, just to add some more salt to the wound, they leave before the credits are done, and we just watch the credits for about a minute without any riffs whatsoever! It makes me almost literally mad when they do this sort of thing, but fortunately they almost never do (indeed, off the top of my head I can only think of one other example, and we’ll reach that one soon enough).
So, frankly, I was a little disappointed with this one; its reputation led me to expect more, but about the only thing that really made it was the movie itself.
Thoughts while Watching:
Opening; Joel explains the premise again. Crow’s jaw is really messed up and his controlling wire is really distracting.
Invention Exchange: Joel; Nitro-burning-funny pipe; Joel lights a match on Crow. It’s kind of a weird one. Mads; ski-mask with expressions. It’s pretty funny, despite Dr. Earhart’s voice, which is really getting to me.
More Commando Cody (although not for long here)…
Servo: “Right in the plywood!”
This was actually one of the better cliffhangers; Cody’s sidekick’s air hose broke. The resolution is kind of lame, though; Cody simply reattaches it. Still, it beats another car-crash.
Joel: “Ted, we can’t take your puppet everywhere!”
Yeah, it’s a moon-car; why do they need to ‘ditch it’?
And they capture the moon-man, and just order him to go to his quarters; they don’t even post a guard on the guy! Well, even the bad-guys were polite back then.
The Film broke? That’s pretty lame, especially since, like I’ve said before I love serials. I guess they didn’t have quite enough time to show both the short and the film, but frankly if that was the case they should have edited the film a bit more; this is just disappointing. Joel and the bots seem pretty disappointed too. I think this was the only time they did this, thank goodness.
Anyway, Robot Holocaust; classic bad movie from the eighties. Their first color movie (again, not counting ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet’).
Narrator fills us in; Servo will quote this for years. “The world had been brought to its knees by the…Robot Holocaust!”
Lame sorta-gladiatorial fight.
More narration.
One robot is picking pockets in a VERY obvious manner; he just walks up to a guy and reaches for his pocket. He looks a bit like C-3PO and he has a VERY annoying voice.
Joel wants to join the fight.
Evil robot; ‘Kiiilll hiiimmm!’
Old guy is a terrible actor! Of course, so is everyone here.
Mean robot is ‘Torq.’
First host segment: the ‘We-Zone;’ a world that revolves around the bots and only the bots. It’s mildly amusing; the bots make Joel do a lot of tricks. And some very fake Joel-legs. (incidentally, this segment refers to something that hasn’t happened in the film yet. They do that sometimes.)
So, the Dark One notices the old guy could breath, but not the hero-guy. Not very observant for an evil overlord.
I like how no one reacts to hero-guy grabbing the girl.
Girl: “Who are you to keep me from my father?”
Crow: “Dave,”
So, the annoying-robot guy talks for the hero (whose name is ‘Neo,’ by the way). No, wait, he’s talking for himself now; that was a short-lived plot point (thank goodness).
Wait, why does the breathing thing go in her temple?
Neo sounds like he’s reading his lines off a cue-card (which he probably is).
Servo: “I guess it’s a wasteland, if you ignore that big city behind you.”
Well-tended wasteland with a clear foot-path. Right.
Time-wasting encounter with Amazons.
Amazon: “I am yours to do what you want with me.”
Crow: “Alright!”
Man, these people cannot act at ALL!
Valeria: “Dew yew untersand?”
Joel: “No, none of us understand!”
Valeria is probably the worst actress here; and that’s REALLY saying something.
Jorn (old guy): “I have nothing to say.”
Joel: “Except for what I just said.”
Valeria: “Torq, take him to the Room of Questions!”
Crow: “Where is the Room of Questions?”
Underground cavern. Why? Because we need to pad out the running time.
Sock-puppet monsters! Joel is moving his hands like the puppets!
I really can’t follow the story here; but the film is so ridiculous it really doesn’t matter.
Extra gets bitten because of his own stupidity.
Servo: “This whole movie is just socks and violence.”
Servo: “This is some good work for the out-of-work hand models.”
And now they’re outside; the tunnel was apparently about a hundred feet long.
Valeria: “Dew yew wich to sey anyting?”
Joel: “Yes, do you know Elmer Fudd?”
Mutant-cannibal attack; kind of random, of course.
That one guy just kind of touched the guy with his knife and killed him.
Second Host Segment: Servo has a date with the McGuffy Triplets (?). There’s a laugh track here; I guess they’re parodying sitcoms. Cam-Bot’s Sitcom simulator malfunctions, so he has to shut down for a second. Not bad.
Valeria sounds like she can barely remember her lines. The same with Jorn.
The scene kind of peters out.
Very obvious matte-painting.
Neo finds his dead father (this is the first time we’ve heard of it).
Joel: “A being so hideously expensive that we couldn’t afford to show it in this scene.”
Servo: “Of course you’re being watched, you’re in a film, idiot!”
Crow: “How did Rosencrantz and Guildenstern get into this film?”
The plan the slaves come up with here is ripped-off from “Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster” (which will be shown in the next season).
What the...what happened? Where are they? I think they skipped a scene or two.
Crow (on Torque): “A Cylon wanna-be.”
What the…she’s ‘caught in the web’, but is barely even touching the web, and she’s on the other side from the direction she ran…and the ‘Beast of the Web’ is a single spider-leg-rod-puppet! Come on!
And they camp out in the basement. Really, they made a campfire in the evil-overlord’s basement (I think; it’s hard to tell what’s going on at times).
Random guy wanders off for NO REASON WHATSOEVER!! (except to die)
Servo (on a skeleton): “I think I found Granpa, though,”
Crow (as an evil robot-monster attacks: “Kitty! Bad Kitty!” (possibly the very first ‘kitty’ line; one of Crow’s catchphrases).
This is the third time those two guys have reviewed their heroic plan! We get it already!
Dear God, there’s still about twenty minutes left!
Servo: “Somebody’s been watching ‘Alien’” Yep. Major rip off.
Amazon sets off the alarm system. Please say this means we’re getting towards the end!
Joel: “Can the balloon-juice, sparky, just do something, will-ya!”
Servo (on the annoying comic-relief robot): “A week before that guy was playing ‘Hamlet’”
Crow (as the comic-relief robot goes nuts): “That, ladies and gentlemen, is one of the liberators of Earth. Pathetic.”
You know, why don’t the robots (who have laser guns) just go and shoot the heroes? They could crush the rebellion in about a second! Come on here!
Again, I have no idea where they’re supposed to be in relation with the other characters.
What the…what is happening?
Crow: “Boy, oh boy, if I weren’t a light fixture…”
In the close up you can see Neo glancing down occasionally; is he reading his lines?
Time wasting bomb-disarming scene. Frankly I’m with the Amazon, who wants to just let the bomb go off and kill the random guy.
Joel: “Taking someone out of an omnipresent being’s sight is pretty tough to do when you think about it.”
Third Host Segment: Servo tells the story of the human rebellion; Servo gives himself the best role (“Servo the Bloodletter”) and assigns Joel as Geekor the Animal Sidekick. It’s pretty amusing; Servo’s personality is completely intact here.
What the…why do these robots have SWORDS!!?? We saw Torque using a laser earlier in the film! Who wrote this thing?
Torque vs. Neo; standard hero vs. dragon fight (except it’s lame).
Crow: “In the future, all robots will act like Don Knotts.”
Joel: “I saw Darth Vader do that once.”
Joel: “Always get a contract when you’re dealing with a dark, omnipotent power.”
Crow: “Joel, if we ever get like these bots, will you please shut us down.”
Valeria gets burned, reveals she’s a robot (I would have thought the Dark One would have known that), so she decides to take everyone down with her.
Random guy gets killed; which makes that bomb-scene look even more pointless (except as padding, of course).
Now Comic-relief robot takes evil robot out.
Wait, I thought the Dark One was about to be destroyed; he still has time to chat with the girl.
Torque finally uses his laser and hits the Amazon. Then he just kind of walks off. Man, this is the lamest evil overlord organization ever!
Haha! Jorn is turned into…like a big potato thing.
Crow: “Hey, honey, remember my torso? It’s chip-dip now.”
Torque, you moron, just shoot him! You tried once before, now get it right!
And she shuts down the air. Okay, whatever; I don’t care!
Comic-Relief Robot shoots Valeria.
What the…our hero tries to strangle Torque, who, in case you’ve forgotten, is a ROBOT!!
Neo is clearly in Torque’s field of vision, but he still gets the drop on him.
The Dark One tries to pull the ‘we can rule together’ trick on Neo. Has that EVER worked?
Comic-relief robot turns the air on. Which, if I’m following this, has been off for about five minutes now; I think it’s a bit late for that (although all the humans seem happy enough).
Okay, the Dark One’s dead, Jorn’s dead, girl is angry at Neo, but everyone is free and happy, except for the girl.
A lot of the time when they watch the credits, their conversations kind of wander; like it does here. They really should have skipped the credits and kept the rest of Cody. They sound bored.
Servo refers to the ‘heating grid’ which is the in-show explanation for why Joel has to carry him in and out of the theater.
Come on! The credits keep going after they leave! Why the hell didn’t they keep Cody? Very occasionally they do things like this that just make no sense.
Final Host Segment: They present the ‘plant guy’ contest, which culminates in the final segment of ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet.’ And a letter.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. The Slime People
6. Project Moonbase
7. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
8. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
9. Robot Holocaust
10. Robot Monster
Conclusion: Riffing is only so-so, host-segments only so-so, and annoyingly pointless editing decisions kind of bring down the episode. The simply hilariously bad movie saves it, though.
Final Rating: 6/10
Okay, here’s the plot, as well as I can gather it; it’s the Future, after the apocalypse (according to the opening narration, this was caused by a robot rebellion). The robots rule, the humans are slaves, kept in servitude by ‘The Dark One’ (whose imaginative name is typical of the film’s writing). The Dark One keeps them enslaved by controlling their air and threatening to turn off the air-cleaner and poison them all. Except that a surprising number of people, including Amazons, Mutants, and…some other group are immune to it (our hero, Neo, comes from the latter group).
Anyway, some scientist named Jorn invents a device to allow the few people who aren’t immune breath the poison air (oddly, it goes on the side of the head). The robots capture him and his daughter joins up with Neo and an annoying comic-relief robot (And a few random slave guys) to trek out of the city, then back again to destroy the Dark One (maybe it was just the print I was watching, or the riffing, but I had no idea what they were trying accomplish by leaving the city).
They have some time-wasting adventures, including a confrontation with some Amazons, and eventually make their way back to the air-processing plant, where the Dark One dwells.
Also there is the Dark One’s number-one gal, Valeria. Often in MST3K there is a specific character in the film who captures the Brains’ imagination. Valeria is definitely that one here; she’s an aggressively terrible actress (considering the general level of acting talent on display here, the mere fact that she stands out so much is pretty indicative of how bad she is) with a very strange accent which seems to get worse and worse as the film goes on.
Riff-wise, the film is pretty mediocre; rather standard for season one. This is one of those movies you wish they could do over again with the whole crew; with the skill they develop over the next season or two, this could have been an all-time classic. They get off some good riffs, of course, but it’s rather frustrating to know that they could have done so much better later on. The host-segments are amusing, but there aren’t any stand outs (my favorite is the third, where Tom tries to get Joel and Crow to play his post-apocalyptic adventure and gives himself the best role).
This episode also is the first example of the thankfully rare editing decisions which are simply inexcusable; here it’s the decision to cut off the short (another Cody serial episode) about halfway. The thing that makes this especially galling is that if they had cut the movie’s credits and maybe a scene or two in the rest of the film, they could have easily watched the entire short. What’s more, the credits don’t inspire any good riffs; indeed, they seem pretty bored during them. And, just to add some more salt to the wound, they leave before the credits are done, and we just watch the credits for about a minute without any riffs whatsoever! It makes me almost literally mad when they do this sort of thing, but fortunately they almost never do (indeed, off the top of my head I can only think of one other example, and we’ll reach that one soon enough).
So, frankly, I was a little disappointed with this one; its reputation led me to expect more, but about the only thing that really made it was the movie itself.
Thoughts while Watching:
Opening; Joel explains the premise again. Crow’s jaw is really messed up and his controlling wire is really distracting.
Invention Exchange: Joel; Nitro-burning-funny pipe; Joel lights a match on Crow. It’s kind of a weird one. Mads; ski-mask with expressions. It’s pretty funny, despite Dr. Earhart’s voice, which is really getting to me.
More Commando Cody (although not for long here)…
Servo: “Right in the plywood!”
This was actually one of the better cliffhangers; Cody’s sidekick’s air hose broke. The resolution is kind of lame, though; Cody simply reattaches it. Still, it beats another car-crash.
Joel: “Ted, we can’t take your puppet everywhere!”
Yeah, it’s a moon-car; why do they need to ‘ditch it’?
And they capture the moon-man, and just order him to go to his quarters; they don’t even post a guard on the guy! Well, even the bad-guys were polite back then.
The Film broke? That’s pretty lame, especially since, like I’ve said before I love serials. I guess they didn’t have quite enough time to show both the short and the film, but frankly if that was the case they should have edited the film a bit more; this is just disappointing. Joel and the bots seem pretty disappointed too. I think this was the only time they did this, thank goodness.
Anyway, Robot Holocaust; classic bad movie from the eighties. Their first color movie (again, not counting ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet’).
Narrator fills us in; Servo will quote this for years. “The world had been brought to its knees by the…Robot Holocaust!”
Lame sorta-gladiatorial fight.
More narration.
One robot is picking pockets in a VERY obvious manner; he just walks up to a guy and reaches for his pocket. He looks a bit like C-3PO and he has a VERY annoying voice.
Joel wants to join the fight.
Evil robot; ‘Kiiilll hiiimmm!’
Old guy is a terrible actor! Of course, so is everyone here.
Mean robot is ‘Torq.’
First host segment: the ‘We-Zone;’ a world that revolves around the bots and only the bots. It’s mildly amusing; the bots make Joel do a lot of tricks. And some very fake Joel-legs. (incidentally, this segment refers to something that hasn’t happened in the film yet. They do that sometimes.)
So, the Dark One notices the old guy could breath, but not the hero-guy. Not very observant for an evil overlord.
I like how no one reacts to hero-guy grabbing the girl.
Girl: “Who are you to keep me from my father?”
Crow: “Dave,”
So, the annoying-robot guy talks for the hero (whose name is ‘Neo,’ by the way). No, wait, he’s talking for himself now; that was a short-lived plot point (thank goodness).
Wait, why does the breathing thing go in her temple?
Neo sounds like he’s reading his lines off a cue-card (which he probably is).
Servo: “I guess it’s a wasteland, if you ignore that big city behind you.”
Well-tended wasteland with a clear foot-path. Right.
Time-wasting encounter with Amazons.
Amazon: “I am yours to do what you want with me.”
Crow: “Alright!”
Man, these people cannot act at ALL!
Valeria: “Dew yew untersand?”
Joel: “No, none of us understand!”
Valeria is probably the worst actress here; and that’s REALLY saying something.
Jorn (old guy): “I have nothing to say.”
Joel: “Except for what I just said.”
Valeria: “Torq, take him to the Room of Questions!”
Crow: “Where is the Room of Questions?”
Underground cavern. Why? Because we need to pad out the running time.
Sock-puppet monsters! Joel is moving his hands like the puppets!
I really can’t follow the story here; but the film is so ridiculous it really doesn’t matter.
Extra gets bitten because of his own stupidity.
Servo: “This whole movie is just socks and violence.”
Servo: “This is some good work for the out-of-work hand models.”
And now they’re outside; the tunnel was apparently about a hundred feet long.
Valeria: “Dew yew wich to sey anyting?”
Joel: “Yes, do you know Elmer Fudd?”
Mutant-cannibal attack; kind of random, of course.
That one guy just kind of touched the guy with his knife and killed him.
Second Host Segment: Servo has a date with the McGuffy Triplets (?). There’s a laugh track here; I guess they’re parodying sitcoms. Cam-Bot’s Sitcom simulator malfunctions, so he has to shut down for a second. Not bad.
Valeria sounds like she can barely remember her lines. The same with Jorn.
The scene kind of peters out.
Very obvious matte-painting.
Neo finds his dead father (this is the first time we’ve heard of it).
Joel: “A being so hideously expensive that we couldn’t afford to show it in this scene.”
Servo: “Of course you’re being watched, you’re in a film, idiot!”
Crow: “How did Rosencrantz and Guildenstern get into this film?”
The plan the slaves come up with here is ripped-off from “Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster” (which will be shown in the next season).
What the...what happened? Where are they? I think they skipped a scene or two.
Crow (on Torque): “A Cylon wanna-be.”
What the…she’s ‘caught in the web’, but is barely even touching the web, and she’s on the other side from the direction she ran…and the ‘Beast of the Web’ is a single spider-leg-rod-puppet! Come on!
And they camp out in the basement. Really, they made a campfire in the evil-overlord’s basement (I think; it’s hard to tell what’s going on at times).
Random guy wanders off for NO REASON WHATSOEVER!! (except to die)
Servo (on a skeleton): “I think I found Granpa, though,”
Crow (as an evil robot-monster attacks: “Kitty! Bad Kitty!” (possibly the very first ‘kitty’ line; one of Crow’s catchphrases).
This is the third time those two guys have reviewed their heroic plan! We get it already!
Dear God, there’s still about twenty minutes left!
Servo: “Somebody’s been watching ‘Alien’” Yep. Major rip off.
Amazon sets off the alarm system. Please say this means we’re getting towards the end!
Joel: “Can the balloon-juice, sparky, just do something, will-ya!”
Servo (on the annoying comic-relief robot): “A week before that guy was playing ‘Hamlet’”
Crow (as the comic-relief robot goes nuts): “That, ladies and gentlemen, is one of the liberators of Earth. Pathetic.”
You know, why don’t the robots (who have laser guns) just go and shoot the heroes? They could crush the rebellion in about a second! Come on here!
Again, I have no idea where they’re supposed to be in relation with the other characters.
What the…what is happening?
Crow: “Boy, oh boy, if I weren’t a light fixture…”
In the close up you can see Neo glancing down occasionally; is he reading his lines?
Time wasting bomb-disarming scene. Frankly I’m with the Amazon, who wants to just let the bomb go off and kill the random guy.
Joel: “Taking someone out of an omnipresent being’s sight is pretty tough to do when you think about it.”
Third Host Segment: Servo tells the story of the human rebellion; Servo gives himself the best role (“Servo the Bloodletter”) and assigns Joel as Geekor the Animal Sidekick. It’s pretty amusing; Servo’s personality is completely intact here.
What the…why do these robots have SWORDS!!?? We saw Torque using a laser earlier in the film! Who wrote this thing?
Torque vs. Neo; standard hero vs. dragon fight (except it’s lame).
Crow: “In the future, all robots will act like Don Knotts.”
Joel: “I saw Darth Vader do that once.”
Joel: “Always get a contract when you’re dealing with a dark, omnipotent power.”
Crow: “Joel, if we ever get like these bots, will you please shut us down.”
Valeria gets burned, reveals she’s a robot (I would have thought the Dark One would have known that), so she decides to take everyone down with her.
Random guy gets killed; which makes that bomb-scene look even more pointless (except as padding, of course).
Now Comic-relief robot takes evil robot out.
Wait, I thought the Dark One was about to be destroyed; he still has time to chat with the girl.
Torque finally uses his laser and hits the Amazon. Then he just kind of walks off. Man, this is the lamest evil overlord organization ever!
Haha! Jorn is turned into…like a big potato thing.
Crow: “Hey, honey, remember my torso? It’s chip-dip now.”
Torque, you moron, just shoot him! You tried once before, now get it right!
And she shuts down the air. Okay, whatever; I don’t care!
Comic-Relief Robot shoots Valeria.
What the…our hero tries to strangle Torque, who, in case you’ve forgotten, is a ROBOT!!
Neo is clearly in Torque’s field of vision, but he still gets the drop on him.
The Dark One tries to pull the ‘we can rule together’ trick on Neo. Has that EVER worked?
Comic-relief robot turns the air on. Which, if I’m following this, has been off for about five minutes now; I think it’s a bit late for that (although all the humans seem happy enough).
Okay, the Dark One’s dead, Jorn’s dead, girl is angry at Neo, but everyone is free and happy, except for the girl.
A lot of the time when they watch the credits, their conversations kind of wander; like it does here. They really should have skipped the credits and kept the rest of Cody. They sound bored.
Servo refers to the ‘heating grid’ which is the in-show explanation for why Joel has to carry him in and out of the theater.
Come on! The credits keep going after they leave! Why the hell didn’t they keep Cody? Very occasionally they do things like this that just make no sense.
Final Host Segment: They present the ‘plant guy’ contest, which culminates in the final segment of ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet.’ And a letter.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. The Slime People
6. Project Moonbase
7. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
8. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
9. Robot Holocaust
10. Robot Monster
Conclusion: Riffing is only so-so, host-segments only so-so, and annoyingly pointless editing decisions kind of bring down the episode. The simply hilariously bad movie saves it, though.
Final Rating: 6/10
Sunday, November 2, 2008
MST3K – Episode 109: Project Moonbase (with shorts: Commando Cody & the Radar Men from the Moon (two episodes))
Well, I had no real expectations going into this one, except that the ‘Amazing Colossal Episode Guide’ really laid into this one for being sexist. I thought the Brains (the informal name for the MST3k crew) were exaggerating, as they often do in shorts from this era, but it turns out they really weren’t. This movie is occasionally painful to watch because of how openly condescending it is towards its female lead.
Otherwise, the film is a lame, dull, largely plot-less but somewhat interesting look at how the film industry viewed the space program before it really took off (no pun intended). The film starts off showing a sinister foreign organization intent on sabotaging the US Space Program (SPACOM), but this plot point steadily dies away as the film goes on. The whole film is kind of like that; they set up problems and then solve them shortly afterwards (or just forget about them). Anyway, eventually the two main characters land on the moon, become the first moonbase, and are married by the general. And…that’s it. It’s not much of a movie, and I really don't have much to say about it.
Fortunately, it’s preceded by two episodes of Commando Cody. The Brains comment several times in both the episodes and the episode guide that they hate Cody, but I’m liking him better and better with each episode. Like most serials, it’s just so insanely idiotic, yet so earnestly eager to entertain that you really can’t dislike it.
Thoughts while watching;
Opening: Joel is cleaning the bots.’ Nothing much to it, but the bots look cute. Especially Servo in the laundry hamper. Although they don’t say a word.
Invention Exchange: Joel has a new way to juggle water. Unfortunately, the film quality here is too poor for me to really appreciate it. The Mads have the ‘insect-a-sketch.’ Meh, alright. Dr. Earhardt is wearing worse and worse each time. I’m frankly glad he didn’t last that long.
Commando Cody again! Hooray! Ah, serials…
The first time Joel and the Bots acknowledge Clayton Moore’s presence.
Joel continues his ‘little rabbit’ jokes.
And…yup, he just turns on his flying suit. Rather slowly, I might add for someone plummeting off of a cliff which is, at most, a few hundred feet tall.
Servo: “Al’s Café; serving the underworld since 1923.”
Interesting; Cody’s doing some actual investigations. In these things they generally just lay traps and get into fist fights; this ‘Law and Order’ stuff is kind of unusual.
My God, these encounters are contrived! The bad-guys come in at just the time Cody is in the garage too! C’mon, you guys can come up with something better than just ‘they ran into each other and fought’ over and over again.
Joel pulls out ‘Batman’-esque sound-effect cards. Pow! Oof!
Some good puns during the fight. ‘He bench-pressed him!’ ‘he’s getting tired’ (when they hit Cody with a tire).
Joel’s phone comment is actually what the phone person was supposed to have said! (well, to some extent). That’s really unusual.
Well, at least the bad guy is using a rifle, but still, he’s shooting from a moving car at a flying object.
The ‘Who is it?’ ‘It’s me!’ gags are pretty good.
What the…Cody just flies up to the plane and climbs in! Cool!
Crow’s right, those are ridiculously small bombs!
The plane just blows up in mid-air! Of course, need I remind you that Cody has a Flying Suit?
Another episode. I like Servo’s little Cody theme song. Joel joins in, and then Crow. It falls apart a little bit more with each character. Crow forthrightly admits he can’t think of a rhyme.
Joel’s quick news-flash line is pretty funny.
And, yup, Cody and his friend just jump out of the plane.
That shot of Cody coming at the screen is pretty cool.
And they’re going back to the moon.
Joel: “You know, they should invest in a control tower.”
I love how the Space-ship is piloted by a guy who looks like a cross between an airline pilot and a cab-driver. Hank the space-ship pilot.
The Moon-man has more equipment than Cody.
And…they’ve got the moon-man captured…and they’re feeding him! This has got to be one of the more ridiculous things I’ve seen! You’ve got to see it for yourself, it’s unbelievable!
Joel: “These Moon-men have uses for plywood we haven’t even dreamed of yet.”
And Cody and his friend steal the moon-car.
Wait, how do they know how to drive the moon-car?!
And now they know how to fix it? Come on!
First Host Segment: Servo is playing Commando Cody and makes Joel carry him around at arm’s length. Crow is Krog. It’s mildly amusing.
Now the feature. The old future is in effect, as the film is set in far-off 1970.
Interesting, the film opens with the bad guys. I didn’t really expect that.
I…frankly can’t follow this. It looks like the bad guys are right outside the good-guys room.
The tracking is really messed up here.
Crow: “Sitting sir. Taking it easy sir.”
And the colonel they’ve been talking about turns out to be…a woman! Accompanied by a ‘full-figured’ reporter.
In the Amazing Collossal Episode Guide they call the movie sexist. I thought they were exaggerating, but they weren’t; the scene with the Colonel and the General is genuinely unpleasant. He specifically belittles her accomplishments and threatens to spank her.
Second Host Segment: The Ties of the Future. It’s pretty good. Servo: “Don’t talk to me, I’m a high-fashioned model from the future.”
General: “Now that we have a space-station.”
All: “Or Frisbee.”
Naked exposition about the space station.
Standard old ‘G-Force’ scene, where the characters act all tortured as they take off.
Joel makes porno music as the spaceships dock.
The colonel is the most professional person in the film! This makes everyone’s belittling of her all the more annoying.
Rather interesting set design; the characters walk around on the walls and ceiling and even sit down on the walls. It’s obvious how it’s done, and it’s pretty cheesy, but kind of cool. (plus there are rather funny signs everywhere saying ‘please don’t walk on the walls’
Crow: “The technical term ‘shoving off’”
Yeah, really!
So he knows the guy is a spy because he doesn’t follow baseball.
Well, this movie is really just kind of going through the motions; they just keep moving, which gives the plot a pretty inconsequential feel.
Third host Segment: SPACOM. It has some really remarkable production values, particularly for an episode this early; the way the SPACOM goo changes color is really well done. It’s pretty amusing in a typically random way.
The girl immediately blames herself. Then the guy tells her to powder her nose. C’mon, you just crashed on the moon! Can you be serious for one minute!
Crow: “Hey, look, a walk-in trash can!”
Servo: “Meanwhile, back at Frisbee-Four.”
And he takes the spy with him to help. Right.
The Astronaut falling off the Moon-cliff is pretty funny in its execution. By the way, since they’ve established that he’ll be low on oxygen on the way back, why doesn’t he take the dead guy’s oxygen?
Hey! I think that was the first ‘My lungs were aching for air’ line by Crow!
And now the good-guy can’t get back to the ship. Frankly, it’s less ‘oh my god, will he make it?’ and more ‘god, this guy is a puss.’
And, of course, the colonel is portrayed as more or less incompetent. Again, this isn’t the sort of thing I tend to be sensitive to, but this is indeed a painfully sexist movie.
‘Shirty?’
So, the general orders (or ‘advises’) the colonel and the guy to get married. And he sends her out of the room to give him the message.
Guy: “The General is through,”
Crow: “and so are my wild bachelor days.”
I like the guys prompting the hero to ‘ask her.’
What the…what are we seeing?
Hah! The rocket landing is hilariously bad!
Crow: “Remember, never try to remove the bees from the hive without the proper protective gear.”
Crow does part of the ‘emergency supplies’ speech from ‘Dr. Strangelove.
And they get married.
Minister: “Til’ death do you part?”
Crow: “Or until the oxygen runs out.”
Female President. Perhaps one of the earliest examples of this. And for some reason, she’s British.
Lame ending; they just kiss and that’s it. You know, now that I think about it, there’s really no plot to this movie; no problem-resolution. It just kind of…goes on and then stops.
Final host segment; Crow’s walking upside down like in the movie. So is Servo.
It’s kind of interesting; in these early episodes they just call it the ‘Fan Club,’ but they soon will rename it the ‘Information Club.’
There’s some complaints about there not being any color movies so far, which, if you don’t count ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet,’ is true. The very next film, though, will be in color.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. The Slime People
6. Project Moonbase
7. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
8. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
9. Robot Monster
Conclusion: A mildly interesting old sci-fi flick marred by unabashed sexism, some amusing, but not brilliant host segments, and okay riffing. A very middle-of-the-road episode, at least for Season 1.
Final Rating: 6/10 (mostly just because serials are awesome).
Otherwise, the film is a lame, dull, largely plot-less but somewhat interesting look at how the film industry viewed the space program before it really took off (no pun intended). The film starts off showing a sinister foreign organization intent on sabotaging the US Space Program (SPACOM), but this plot point steadily dies away as the film goes on. The whole film is kind of like that; they set up problems and then solve them shortly afterwards (or just forget about them). Anyway, eventually the two main characters land on the moon, become the first moonbase, and are married by the general. And…that’s it. It’s not much of a movie, and I really don't have much to say about it.
Fortunately, it’s preceded by two episodes of Commando Cody. The Brains comment several times in both the episodes and the episode guide that they hate Cody, but I’m liking him better and better with each episode. Like most serials, it’s just so insanely idiotic, yet so earnestly eager to entertain that you really can’t dislike it.
Thoughts while watching;
Opening: Joel is cleaning the bots.’ Nothing much to it, but the bots look cute. Especially Servo in the laundry hamper. Although they don’t say a word.
Invention Exchange: Joel has a new way to juggle water. Unfortunately, the film quality here is too poor for me to really appreciate it. The Mads have the ‘insect-a-sketch.’ Meh, alright. Dr. Earhardt is wearing worse and worse each time. I’m frankly glad he didn’t last that long.
Commando Cody again! Hooray! Ah, serials…
The first time Joel and the Bots acknowledge Clayton Moore’s presence.
Joel continues his ‘little rabbit’ jokes.
And…yup, he just turns on his flying suit. Rather slowly, I might add for someone plummeting off of a cliff which is, at most, a few hundred feet tall.
Servo: “Al’s Café; serving the underworld since 1923.”
Interesting; Cody’s doing some actual investigations. In these things they generally just lay traps and get into fist fights; this ‘Law and Order’ stuff is kind of unusual.
My God, these encounters are contrived! The bad-guys come in at just the time Cody is in the garage too! C’mon, you guys can come up with something better than just ‘they ran into each other and fought’ over and over again.
Joel pulls out ‘Batman’-esque sound-effect cards. Pow! Oof!
Some good puns during the fight. ‘He bench-pressed him!’ ‘he’s getting tired’ (when they hit Cody with a tire).
Joel’s phone comment is actually what the phone person was supposed to have said! (well, to some extent). That’s really unusual.
Well, at least the bad guy is using a rifle, but still, he’s shooting from a moving car at a flying object.
The ‘Who is it?’ ‘It’s me!’ gags are pretty good.
What the…Cody just flies up to the plane and climbs in! Cool!
Crow’s right, those are ridiculously small bombs!
The plane just blows up in mid-air! Of course, need I remind you that Cody has a Flying Suit?
Another episode. I like Servo’s little Cody theme song. Joel joins in, and then Crow. It falls apart a little bit more with each character. Crow forthrightly admits he can’t think of a rhyme.
Joel’s quick news-flash line is pretty funny.
And, yup, Cody and his friend just jump out of the plane.
That shot of Cody coming at the screen is pretty cool.
And they’re going back to the moon.
Joel: “You know, they should invest in a control tower.”
I love how the Space-ship is piloted by a guy who looks like a cross between an airline pilot and a cab-driver. Hank the space-ship pilot.
The Moon-man has more equipment than Cody.
And…they’ve got the moon-man captured…and they’re feeding him! This has got to be one of the more ridiculous things I’ve seen! You’ve got to see it for yourself, it’s unbelievable!
Joel: “These Moon-men have uses for plywood we haven’t even dreamed of yet.”
And Cody and his friend steal the moon-car.
Wait, how do they know how to drive the moon-car?!
And now they know how to fix it? Come on!
First Host Segment: Servo is playing Commando Cody and makes Joel carry him around at arm’s length. Crow is Krog. It’s mildly amusing.
Now the feature. The old future is in effect, as the film is set in far-off 1970.
Interesting, the film opens with the bad guys. I didn’t really expect that.
I…frankly can’t follow this. It looks like the bad guys are right outside the good-guys room.
The tracking is really messed up here.
Crow: “Sitting sir. Taking it easy sir.”
And the colonel they’ve been talking about turns out to be…a woman! Accompanied by a ‘full-figured’ reporter.
In the Amazing Collossal Episode Guide they call the movie sexist. I thought they were exaggerating, but they weren’t; the scene with the Colonel and the General is genuinely unpleasant. He specifically belittles her accomplishments and threatens to spank her.
Second Host Segment: The Ties of the Future. It’s pretty good. Servo: “Don’t talk to me, I’m a high-fashioned model from the future.”
General: “Now that we have a space-station.”
All: “Or Frisbee.”
Naked exposition about the space station.
Standard old ‘G-Force’ scene, where the characters act all tortured as they take off.
Joel makes porno music as the spaceships dock.
The colonel is the most professional person in the film! This makes everyone’s belittling of her all the more annoying.
Rather interesting set design; the characters walk around on the walls and ceiling and even sit down on the walls. It’s obvious how it’s done, and it’s pretty cheesy, but kind of cool. (plus there are rather funny signs everywhere saying ‘please don’t walk on the walls’
Crow: “The technical term ‘shoving off’”
Yeah, really!
So he knows the guy is a spy because he doesn’t follow baseball.
Well, this movie is really just kind of going through the motions; they just keep moving, which gives the plot a pretty inconsequential feel.
Third host Segment: SPACOM. It has some really remarkable production values, particularly for an episode this early; the way the SPACOM goo changes color is really well done. It’s pretty amusing in a typically random way.
The girl immediately blames herself. Then the guy tells her to powder her nose. C’mon, you just crashed on the moon! Can you be serious for one minute!
Crow: “Hey, look, a walk-in trash can!”
Servo: “Meanwhile, back at Frisbee-Four.”
And he takes the spy with him to help. Right.
The Astronaut falling off the Moon-cliff is pretty funny in its execution. By the way, since they’ve established that he’ll be low on oxygen on the way back, why doesn’t he take the dead guy’s oxygen?
Hey! I think that was the first ‘My lungs were aching for air’ line by Crow!
And now the good-guy can’t get back to the ship. Frankly, it’s less ‘oh my god, will he make it?’ and more ‘god, this guy is a puss.’
And, of course, the colonel is portrayed as more or less incompetent. Again, this isn’t the sort of thing I tend to be sensitive to, but this is indeed a painfully sexist movie.
‘Shirty?’
So, the general orders (or ‘advises’) the colonel and the guy to get married. And he sends her out of the room to give him the message.
Guy: “The General is through,”
Crow: “and so are my wild bachelor days.”
I like the guys prompting the hero to ‘ask her.’
What the…what are we seeing?
Hah! The rocket landing is hilariously bad!
Crow: “Remember, never try to remove the bees from the hive without the proper protective gear.”
Crow does part of the ‘emergency supplies’ speech from ‘Dr. Strangelove.
And they get married.
Minister: “Til’ death do you part?”
Crow: “Or until the oxygen runs out.”
Female President. Perhaps one of the earliest examples of this. And for some reason, she’s British.
Lame ending; they just kiss and that’s it. You know, now that I think about it, there’s really no plot to this movie; no problem-resolution. It just kind of…goes on and then stops.
Final host segment; Crow’s walking upside down like in the movie. So is Servo.
It’s kind of interesting; in these early episodes they just call it the ‘Fan Club,’ but they soon will rename it the ‘Information Club.’
There’s some complaints about there not being any color movies so far, which, if you don’t count ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet,’ is true. The very next film, though, will be in color.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. The Slime People
6. Project Moonbase
7. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
8. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
9. Robot Monster
Conclusion: A mildly interesting old sci-fi flick marred by unabashed sexism, some amusing, but not brilliant host segments, and okay riffing. A very middle-of-the-road episode, at least for Season 1.
Final Rating: 6/10 (mostly just because serials are awesome).
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