Here’s another one I had high hopes for; I had hear rather positive things about this one, and it seemed perfect for riffing. However, I found I was rather overwhelmed by the badness of the movie. The riffing is pretty good, but the episode is marred by the fact that for at least a quarter of the film’s running time, you cannot see ANYTHING! You see, the film deals with the invasion of the Slime People from underground. They take over Los Angeles and set up a wall of fog for protection. The upshot of this is that large chunks of the action take place in impenetrable fog. The most you can see is occasional flashes of action or dark shapes moving in the fog. This makes for a nearly impossible viewing experience. That said, the basic set up for the film isn’t bad at all; the film has a cool, creepy end-of-the-world feel to it, and while this thing has been done numerous times better, it still is mildly effective even here. The set up of a small group of diverse people banding together for survival has a certain power to it, even when portrayed as poorly as it is here. Here we have a scientist, his two daughters (one blond, one brunette), a sports reporter, and a marine. Later, they’re joined by a crazy writer who thinks the whole thing is a conspiracy.
Naturally, the two young heroes (reporter and marine) pair up with the daughters and immediately fall in love. I do have to wonder why it is that the reporter is the take-charge strategist while the marine is a pretty passive character, but this is a pretty common conceit in movies like this (I suspect it’s because the filmmakers personally feel closer to the media types and prefer to portray them in the best possible light). Salt saves the day yet again, and they eventually destroy the fog-machine, letting the monsters die and the military clean up. This is after a lot of pointless running around and plot threads that go nowhere. So, all in all, despite some good riffing, I found this episode rather hard going (although I rather suspect it might improve upon future viewings).
Opening: the bots in the morning; Crow is a morning bot, Servo hates morning bots. Trace is so good as Crow; he’s really getting into him now.
Invention exchange: Joel has cartoon-eyes; which are pretty good. Mads have cotton candy that screams when you bite it; really good. Their ‘thank you’ catchphrase isn’t really wearing well, though.
Hey, you can hear them yelling on the way down to the theater.
Another Cody short! Have I mentioned how much Serials rock? I have? Good.
Joel: “If I remember right, Cody is about to collide with the evil Good-Humor Man’s Ice Cream Car of Death.”
And another jump out of the car just in time. I’m willing to bet that that was THE most common Cliffhanger resolution.
Crow (after the cars crash): “Oh, great that was on my Mastercard!”
By the way, the head gangster is played by Clayton Moore, better known as the Lone Ranger. He was a pretty common secondary-villain in these things; most prominently in the superior ‘The Crimson Ghost’
I love how they casually decide to drop an atomic bomb into the volcano.
Discussion of why the gangsters are so willing to sell out the Earth.
Servo: “Do you think they have wives and families?”
Crow: “I bet they sold them too to pay for those nice suits.”
Servo: “You know, the Cessna Skyhawk is usually your best choice for bombadeering missions.
Stock flood footage.
Crow: “Finally I come in and you two aren’t fighting anybody.”
So, they had to take a charter plane to drop an atomic bomb?! These Moon-Men aren’t willing to commit very much to this invasion, are they?
Crow (as cook): “Sure I’ve got nothing better to do with my miserable life than call you.”
Gangsters walk in just as heroes are walking out; they run into each other and start fighting! Man, there are some great coincidences here.
Crow (during the fight in the café): “Uh, gentlemen, I can seat you immediately…”
Had to rewind to remember which ones were the bad guys and which were the good guys. The picture quality isn’t too good, and most black-and-white male faces tend to kind of run together for me.
So, these gangsters are willing to sell their entire world into slavery, but a reluctant to just kill the heroes when they get the chance unless provoked?
Joel’s ‘bunny’ jokes are slightly naughty.
Crow: “That’s an electric razor, you idiot!”
The guy playing Cody looks a bit like James Whitmore in some shots.
Say what you will, that flying suit is pretty cool. And I frankly like the innovation involved in these old effects more than just ‘oh, we used to computer for that.’
Crow: “He acts like a bunny and we fall to pieces, what kind of thugs are we?”
Servo: “When will I learn? I should always go before I fly.”
Joel: “Steve, have you ever really looked at a squirrel? I mean REALLY, up close…”
That’s just so random it’s hilarious.
Joel: “You know, there’s nothing like being in a gun fight with six-hundred pounds of high-test-nitro-rocket-fuel on your back.”
Servo: “Uh-oh, this isn’t good. I’ve seen good before and it didn’t look like this.”
The Lone Ranger gets the drop on Cody! Knocks him off the cliff and that’s that. Need I remind you he has a flying suit on? Not exactly the most suspenseful cliffhanger.
They just showed the monster in the first five seconds! The title hasn’t even come up yet! That’s a sure sign the movie sucks.
What do you mean ‘the early days’ Tom? When did Hollywood stop being slime people?
Guy lands at airport (against instructions) and finds no one there. This type of scene tends to get me, even when done poorly (here, it’s just kind of lackluster). It’s creepy pretty much by definition.
Crow: “Hi, this is the human race. We’re not in right now. Please speak clearly after the sound of the bomb.”
I like Joel wiping the scientist’s glasses.
So, now Los Angeles is in the possession of the Slime People, since the army lost and the Slime People have occupied what’s left and built a dome around the city. (all this is told in an eager manner by the cheerful blond girl, who reminds me a bit of one of Wally’s girlfriends from ‘Leave it to Beaver’)
This reminds me a bit of a zombie movie.
Crow: “The dipstick on this thing is enormous!”
First Host Segment: Bots vs. Cody. Again, I kind of like Cody, but this is pretty good; the little Cody figurine is cute (Frankly, I want one). It kind of goes off the rails, but it’s still pretty amusing.
What was that shadow?
The hysterical witness is frankly hilarious. If these early episodes had stingers, this would be my choice.
Servo: “It’s Roger Ebert!”
The monsters are really goofy, though kind of well made.
Joel helps them with the door!
A nice thing about movies of this time, is that the heroes always tried to save people, even if they don’t like them or even would benefit by their deaths.
So, we’ve got a reporter, a soldier, and a scientist; pretty much the three standard heroes of any sci-fi flick (granted, the scientist is an old guy, but still).
First romantic sub-plot begins…blond with marine. Man, this happens quick. In the movies people know each other for about five minutes and can pledge eternal love. If only it were that easy.
Cripes, blond and soldier are sleeping in each other’s arms! C’mon, take a few hours to get to know each other at least!
Crow: “Hey, nice cups”
Bow-chicka-bow-wow. (If you don’t get that, don’t worry about it)
And second romantic sub-plot; reporter with brunette. Man, they exchange about five words tops and start kissing! And the professor walks in in the middle of it, but doesn’t seem to care.
Crow: “Oh, tasting my daughter I see!”
Second Host Segment: Why this movie was made. Eh, mildly amusing. It’s best when Servo starts sprouting his idea for the MST3K premise. Joel says it’s illogical.
Crazy old man. He’s going to die, I know it.
Old Man: “If there are any beings, they’re probably as harmless as ants!”
Joel: “Obviously, he didn’t see the movie ‘Them.’”
Man, I love that movie (‘Them!’).
Servo: “If you drag out our rotting, broken carcasses, it means it didn’t really work out very well.”
Servo: “It’s like a mime training course,”
Lots of fog so you really can’t see anything. Whose brilliant idea was that? I have no idea what’s going on.
So they just drop the old crazy guy off in the middle of the monster infested city?
Old Man: “Genius waits for no one!”
Crow: “But stupidity hammers on deserted buildings.”
Crow: “I bet that’d be scary if we could make out what it was.”
You said it, Crow; I can’t tell what is going on in this scene.
Joel (on a panicking crowd): “They’re all on their way to a George Romero film festival.” Again, this movie reminds me of a Zombie movie.
Servo: “Oh, man, you got glass in the kielbasa.”
Mmmm…Kielbasa…
Crazy old guy goes really crazy; dies, just like I thought.
Salt is the weakness. How many times has salt (or sodium, or salt water, or whatever) been the monster’s weakness? Quite a few.
Again, because of the fog you really can’t see anything.
Girl: “Daddy! Daddy!”
Joel (as slime-person): “Shut-up, I’m your daddy now!”
I think that was the first ‘Milwaukee Beer’ joke.
Question: How long will girls scream before they give it up and just accept their horrible fate?
Third host segment: Fog. Joel isn’t scared, just annoyed. And they discuss the film’s plot holes. These discussions happen all the time in season one, but frankly they aren’t very funny.
They find the kidnapped girl with absolutely no fanfare. I’m going to be generous and suppose that they cut a scene or two here. I love how she’s been screaming her head off for the past ten minutes and when they find her the first thing she says is ‘are you alright?’ Man, that’s my kind of girl!
And they’re off with the salt!
Over long walking-through fog scene.
Jeez, you can’t see a THING! I’m not exaggerating, all you can see is some vague shapes in the fog. What is this?
Why does the Marine have to take orders from the SPORTS REPORTER!?
Marine fights Slime Monster, of course, it’s so foggy you can’t see a frickin thing! You can barely tell which one is the monster!
Reporter takes Slime Person with his bare hands. Yeah, right!
So, he just throws a spear and the fog machine blows up.
Thank God! No more fog! You can actually see what’s going on.
Monsters just kind of die.
Slime monster falls over and goes heels-over-head! Hilarious! No, wait, this should have been the stinger.
And the couples get kissy-face.
The Military IMMEDIATELY shows up to deal with the monsters.
And they end with a joke and a sequel hook.
Final Host Segment: Silicon-diode pie for Crow. Again, a lot more robotic; pretty weird. Gypsy eats it instead. This is a pretty weird, not too successful segment.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. The Slime People
6. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
7. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
8. Robot Monster
Conclusion: An impenetrable movie and some lame host segments bring down an episode with some decent riffing.
Final Rating: 5/10.
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