Okay! The Crawling Hand! I’d rather been looking forward to this one and…well, it didn’t disappoint too much. The riffing is funny, some of the best so far, but the host segments are pretty lame, except for Joel’s invention exchange. Again, Dr. Earhart doesn’t wear well.
The movie is a lame sci-fi thriller from 1963, although it might just as well been made during the fifties. There’s some unintentional humor, and some of the enjoyable stupidity of fifties sci-fi. The titular hand only shows up briefly and even in its brief screen time pulls off any number of impossibilities. For a nice rundown of the film’s charms, check out the Jabootu.com review here (seriously, if you haven’t partaken of the comedic gold mine that is Jabootu’s, you don’t know what you’re missing): http://www.jabootu.com/vcmayohone.htm#c
Anyway, the film revolves around an astronaut who is possessed by an alien life form, then blown up and his arm lands on a beach near a small town, where it is found by a teen boy, who takes it back to his house (they’re vague on why, but I think it’s for science or something). It kills his landlady and possesses him, Sheriff Alan Hale suspects him of the landlady’s murder, and the government’s finest show up to investigate and are blockaded by Alan Hale (in addition to their own general incompetence). After this is all set up, things just kind of sit there for a while, the kid tries to kill a couple people (including his girlfriend), then fights the hand in a dump, where it…well, you’ll see what happens below. Everything works out alright for the kid, he is basically declared not guilty by reason of possession by alien life form, his semi-Swedish girlfriend agrees to stay with him, and then there’s a kicker ending. The film is goofy enough to keep interest and the riffing is fun, so a pretty decent episode.
Thoughts while watching:
First opening segment! (Not counting ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet’ which was filmed later). Joel explains the premise. Also the first appearance of the buttons.
Vacuflowers? I think they’re a holdover from the KTMA days
Joel’s invention is pretty funny; It’s clearly straight from his standup act. The mads’ invention isn’t quite as funny, and Dr. Earhart is really wearing on me. I can’t wait for Frank.
Again, no bots until the theater
First appearance by Alain Hale Jr.! He would show up on Mst3k with some regularity.
And by Allison Hayes, who has a brief role as a secretary. I didn’t even recognize her here; she’ll show up in three further episodes.
Secretary: “It’s the press.”
Servo: “Tell them I’m smoking”
Servo: “Hey! Scientists shouldn’t litter!”
Their riffs during the ‘angry conversation/slapping the table’ is good.
The astronaut’s strained ‘kill! Kill!’ is pretty funny.
Crow: “And then the tap ran out”
Fly noise is good too!
This movie is pretty wordy so far.
“No _, not allowed.” Would later be one of their catchphrases.
Crow: “Take a lesson from these teeners, twist your troubles away!”
The sound in this movie is terrible.
Crow: “He looks like a cross between Jerry Mathers and James Dean!” There’s a combo!
Servo: “Beaver without a cause.” Brilliant!
First Host Segment: bowling. Who’s voice is that? I think it might be Cambot! There’s a reference to ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors,” which would appear a few seasons down the way in a rather nasty form. It must be said, this is one of those rather dreary segments, which Joel had several of.
Servo: “You’re all those things and less,”
Woah! They’re getting naked…oh their just putting their swim suits on. There are some close calls, though…
Servo (As the girl looks at the camera): “Hi! I’m Tom Servo”
Crow: “If the gun doesn’t kill him, the stew will.”
Crow: “If you want to catch a human hand, you’ve got to think like a human hand…”
And make with the hand/arm puns.
So, he finds the hand and hides it in the landlady’s kitchen.
Crow: “Yes, you’ve proved that they are rats.”
Back to the scientists; lots of yelling.
Scientist: “(Elmer) is a very distinguished rat.”
Joel: “Perhaps you’ve heard of his glue.”
Hand is up and knocking stuff over on the shelf. Landlady is up with her gun…
What the…how did the hand get all the way up to his room? How did it get through the door?
Huh…now it’s in her room…what the hell is going on!?
Actually a pretty good fake scare with a hand reaching over the pillow towards her…which turns out to be her own.
This is the third or fourth time she’s gotten up in the past five minutes!
How the hell did the hand jump up like that? And why is it in her room?
Kid expresses little-to-no emotion upon discovering the dead landlady.
Alan Hale Jr. as the sheriff! Yeah!
Second host segment: they pretend to be strangled while imitating William Shatner. Frankly, it’s pretty lame, especially for someone who isn’t familiar with Star Trek (like me).
This might be their very first ‘Operator/phone voice.’ It grew into one of their most common and most funny running gags.
They do some pretty funny ‘cat noises’ here.
So, they immediately decide to send the fingerprints to Washington? This case is about a half-an-hour old! Aren’t they a little premature?
So much for the ‘out like a light’ idea; the kid is walking around calling people right after taking the sedatives.
Another ‘telephone’ bit! These are some of my favorites.
Okay, he’s passing out now, so why did he make the call?
Now the hand’s got him!
The hand feeling around the guy must have been interesting to film. They probably burst out laughing in at least a couple takes.
Really great ambulance drivers; they immediately try to get drunk and when they find another body they panic and want to leave him. I hope I never have an emergency in that town.
Hey, where’s Servo going? He just wanders over to the other side of the theater for a little bit then goes back.
Hale pretty much plays the role completely straight, which is pretty interesting to see. He’s really not bad; no worse than many such actors I’ve seen in such roles.
Kid makes recording; it reminds me of the one in ‘It Lives By Night,’ ten seasons down the road
Joel makes violin motions as the kid records.
Kid goes nuts and smashes the recorder.
Lots of ‘Gilligan’ jokes for Hale.
Hale wonders why Washington is getting involved. Uh, because you asked them about it, maybe?
Crow: “Oh, it’s not a pimple, it’s my nose!”
Joel (old lady voice): “Norman! Get away from window, Norman!”
So, is the kid possessed or what? Why is he helping the G-men? I guess he’s only sometimes possessed, but still, this could be plotted better.
Yeah, how did the girlfriend get in? I guess the cop must have been around back, but still.
Rather ridiculous scene where G-Men check the landlady’s body in the mortuary. Kind of funny, but more just silly.
Servo: “Oh, the crawling bladder.”
Really lame G-men here; they get beaten up by the kid.
Wait, why couldn’t the cop see the kid? What’s going on!?
Possessed-Kid randomly kills café-owner. Who, incidentally clumsily turns off the lights when attacked and knocks on the jukebox. No, wait, he’s still alive; kid comes to his senses in time.
Third host segment; discussing what makes a hand scary. Not too funny, even when Gypsy shows up in a giant hand costume.
Girlfriend’s accent comes and goes and it’s very minor at the best of times.
And the hand is back…no, wait, it’s the kid. The titular hand has barely done squat so far! It killed the landlady and possessed the kid, then disappeared. Way to make use of your monster, guys.
Kid is a pretty lame actor, but he does get some genuine pathos out of his struggled explanation to his girlfriend.
Goes crazy, tries to kill girlfriend. I don’t know why she freaks out so much when he turns to look at her; he just has some extra eyeliner, it’s not like he turned into a werewolf of anything.
Again, it’s pretty interesting to see Hale acting serious; he really doesn’t do a bad job. I kind of like him.
And girlfriend has pretty much snapped.
Crow: “Let’s see, if I were a hand, where would I hide? My sleeve!”
What the…how did the hand get up there?!
Servo’s right; this cop does have a lame job…guarding the (now empty) house.
Hand creeps up the back of the car; jumps at kid. That’s a pretty iconic shot.
Joel: “You can it’s a low budget movie because they couldn’t afford to wreck the car.”
Now the hand is finally in the film again and just kind of wandering around.
How could the hand trip him? It has no leverage, it should just go with the foot.
Alan Hale kind of snaps! Cool! Angry, crazy, Alan Hale Jr.!
Cats eat the hand! Again; the monster is defeated by being EATEN BY CATS!! That has to be the lamest monster fate until the Incredible Melting Man some fifteen years later (we’ll get to that in due time). Heck, it might even be lamer.
Kid collapses as the hand is eaten; carried off by Hale (Alan looks like he’s having trouble).
I’m kind of surprised the kid is still alive!
Crow (as Hale): “I’m off for a three-hour tour!”
Wow, happy ending. I honestly did not expect that.
Oh, great, they entrust the hand to those moronic ambulance guys.
And…they open it. God these guys are idiots!
Servo: “Well, there was that beer, dead-body thing.”
Final Segment: Ram chips for good-bad thing and letters. Letter: “Joel, I would like you to take apart Servo.”
Crow: “Can I help?” Servo is not amused.
Mads: Dr. Earhart is bullying Dr. F. with his long arms. It’s kind of unusual to see Dr. F being punished.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
6. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
Conclusion: ‘Meh’ movie and generally lame host segments, but some pretty good riffing (indeed, some of the most active and enjoyable riffing so far).
Final Rating: 6/10.
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