Mst3k – 212: Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster

Sorry for the long delay; a combination of trying to find the episode, being really busy, and general laziness is to blame.
Another Godzilla movie! Unfortunately, we immediately hit a few problems with this episode. In the first place, this is actually a pretty good movie; considering the number of truly awful Godzilla movies there are it’s rather puzzling that this is one of the two they decided to do…surely Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster would have been far more appropriate? At any rate, “vs. Sea Monster” is a fresh, frequently clever film that shows what the series looked like before it became wedded to formula. Rather than having a monster show up, wreck havoc, and then be defeated by Godzilla, this film sets up a series of problems for its heroes and forces them to figure out how to solve them. For instance, they are trapped on an island run by a terrorist group called the ‘Red Bamboo,’ which is making nuclear weapons and guarded by a sea monster. Then discovering that the island happens to have Godzilla sleeping in a cave, they take the logical step and rig up an impromptu lightning rod and wake him up. Godzilla then does what he does best, fights the sea monster, smashes the base, and creates general havoc. The story is fast-paced and filled with clever invention as the characters improvise ways to fight the Red Bamboo (my favorite is the foresight they had in solidifying the famous ‘walking-bush’ trick by simply carrying a bird with them), and it’s a good example of taking a world of established rules and playing with it.
The episode, particularly coming after last week’s brilliant ‘Vs. Megalon,’ is a bit of a disappointment. The riffing is still funny, though not up to ‘Megalon’s’ level, and it has some great host segments, but it’s marred by a rare example of ‘cheating.’ It’s generally a rule that the Brains can’t mock a film for something that results from their own treatment of it. In this case, they have a running gag of wondering what the name of the movie is, since Joel and the Bots inexplicably don’t come in until about a minute into the movie and miss the opening titles. This is not only not fair to the film, but it’s a joke the audience doesn’t share, since we know what the name of the movie is, and we know that the Brains know as well and are just pretending not to. It’s a rare ‘what the heck were they thinking?’ moment that doesn’t kill the episode, but definitely brings it down.

Thoughts while watching:

Opening: Joel reads from “The Velvateen Rabbit.” Sort of. The ‘bots are enraptured. (by the way, Servo has a kind of fez top to his head which he’ll keep for a few episodes).

Invention Exchange: Joel has the mind-control guitar. The Mads have squeeze-toy guitars for dogs who love rock-and-roll. They play their new song; ‘Plastic Man.’ It’s pretty amusing.

Okay, honestly, they cheat here, and pointlessly too. Joel and the bots don’t enter until after the credits, leading to a running gag of wondering what the movie’s name is. This results in about a minute of us watching the movie without them and us not being able to share in the joke, since we, of course, know what the movie’s title is.

Anyway, we open with a storm and a ship being attacked by a giant lobsters.

Joel: “Oh, he’s making them into an oriental salad! The horror!”

Cut to two months later, as the narrator helpfully informs us.

Old woman consults a mystic, who tells her her son is not dead.

(as doubtful guy)
Crow: “He’s dead, live with it, okay?”

Cut to a dance contest…

(blank faced-guy watches contest)
Servo: “I’m digging their scene.”

(on the numbered contestants)
Crow: “Keep moving, forty-one.”

Guy and his friends go look for a boat so he can search for his lost brother.

They trespass on a boat to check it out.

Guy 1: “I wonder what the owner looks like?”
Thief: “I’ll show you what he looks like!”
Servo: “He looks like me, only taller. I’ll go get him.”

Guy 2: “This one here, he’s crazy. Boats are the only thing he thinks about.”
Crow: “Shoot him, now.”

Thief-guy lets them stay on the boat.

(shot of sunrise)
Crow: “Let’s visit God now.
Servo: “Hi, this is God. This film is moving slowly my children.”

And the one guy has taken the boat out to look for his brother.

Thief: “What’s the idea?”
Servo: “Well, the wind catches the sail and…”

We get news about the stolen boat and an earlier robbery (it was done by thief guy of course).

(cut to dinner scene)
Crow: “Mmm, Steve is really delicious!”

Thief (on the skeleton key he’s making): “You’ve got your hobbies and this is one of mine.”
Servo: “You like knitting afghans.”

Thief (laughing): “Do I look like a robber?”
(Servo gives a French ‘oh hohoho!’)

And a storm blows up. (incidentally, this is the same footage from the beginning; spliced in by the American distrubuters).

Joel: “Well, welcome to the “Wrath of God” weekend present by KT.”

The briefcase of money and a game-board fall over and spill into each other.
Joel: “Hey, you got your backgammon in my money!”
Crow: “Well you’ve got your money in my backgammon.”

Joel: “Try to look for an uncharted desert isle!”

(and in the morning they wash up on an island)

Crow: “For once this was a boating accident.”

Joel: “We’re so lucky we washed up on what could be a hostile land with no food, we’re saved!”

The bots panic at the prospect of rock climbing, but it’s a very quick scene.

(at the top)
Servo: “Look, Cesar Romero and Hugh Beaumont?”

And they find a machete and some fruit.

Guy: “I feel like a monkey.”
Crow: “Me too, where can we find one?”

Crow (as they walk through the jungle to music): “We gotta find that rhythm combo.”

And they spot a ship coming and then find a whole harbor and facility guarded by armed men.

(two guards pass each other)
Servo: “Morning Steve,”
Crow: “Morning Phil.”

(eye-patched guy comes in smiling)
Crow: “Smiles everyone, smiles!”

And the ship drops off some slaves.

Servo (upon seeing Kumi Mizuno): “H, E, double-L, O!”
(pretty much standard reaction)

Few slaves try to escape...grab a convenient canoe.

(guards fire wildly while close together)
Crow (as eye-patch guy): “Ah! Not me you idiots!”
Servo: “Good shooting, you killed eight of our own men.”

And would-be escapees get eaten by giant lobster, Ebirah.

Crow (seeing guys impaled on Ebirah’s claw): “Ka-Bob, and Ka-Steve!”

Joel: “I just saw half-a-crab kill a guy.”

Big bad (to eye-patch): “You must be losing your sight!”
Servo: “I don’t think that’s funny sir, but go on.”

Joel: “Salute higher, idiot!”

Girl meets guys, runs off.

Crow: “Wait! I’m a good-guy with a steady future! I want you to see my etchings!”

They join forces.

First Host Segment: Godzilla Genealogy Bop. It’s amusing, even if they insist Godzilla is green, which he is not (he’s dark grey).

Cut to the slaves working and praying to Mothra.

(eye-patch gets their attention by shooting)
Crow: “Oh, couldn’t he just knock?”

Guy: “Don’t make fun of her.”
Crow: “Yeah, that’s our job!”

Cut to Infant Island, where the natives are worshiping Mothra.

Servo: “Rocketing its way to number one, it’s ‘Mothra, you are our god,’ it’s got a great beat and you can worship to it.”

Thief: “I don’t think you’ve ever had the police after you.”
Servo: “Okay, you’ve got bragging rights.”

And they find that Godzilla is sleeping in the cave with them.

That’s the third time Crow did that ‘Planet where apes evolved from men’ bit.

The guys try to sneak into the base using the bush trick to investigate and try to help free the slaves.

(they release a dove as distraction)
Servo: “Oh, a symbol of peace. Kill it!”

Servo: “He’s got a hedge trimmer! Scatter everybody!”

Get in, sneak around…

Crow: “Why are they breaking in?”
Servo: “Life hurts them, so they hurt back.”

Big bad berates scientists.

Scientist: “It’s easy for them to issue orders.”
Crow: “They have everything, I have nothing!”

A lot of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ jokes for some reason…

Guy: “It’s a heavy water factory.”
Guy 2: “What can they do with that?”
Crow: “They could take a heavy bath.”

(suddenly crawl around corner to find a boot).
Servo: “Oh, my God! It’s a boot! And there’s a leg attached to it!”

Eye-Patch: “You weren’t killed I see.”
Servo: “That was my fault.”

Crow: “Pass the bush up, quick!”

They make their escape using some gas canisters.

Joel: “Meanwhile in Lego-Land, kids learn at their own rate, the slow way.”

Brother-guy gets caught on a weather-balloon and floats off towards Infant Island. Another guy just gets captured.

Captured guy makes contact with slaves, who are making a liquid the bad guys use to protect themselves against Ebirah…another scene of worshiping Mothra.

Crow (as Mothra): “That’s pretty good, but do it again, and this time with feeling. And Kasy, I’ll see you later.”

Brother guy lands on Infant Island, meets his brother.

Guards search for them, randomly shooting around.
Crow: “Well, I guess it’s frogs legs and cricket soup for dinner tonight.”

Guys get idea to wake Godzilla up to distract/destroy bad guys.

They improvise a lightning rod to wake Godzilla up.

(pan down the wire)
Crow: “This is the only thread I’ve been able to follow this whole film.”

Captured guy gets the idea to make a phony batch of liquid.

Second Host Segment: Joel’s miniature city. The bots are concerned for his sanity and destroy it. It’s pretty funny. (“I’m Servotron, destroyer of worlds!”)

Brothers canoe from Infant Island back to evil isle.

(on storm clouds)
Crow (deep voice): “I’m not pleased!”

Servo (on the soldiers): “Okay, look for the silver lining, men!”

Crow (same): “I’m still not pleased!”

Crow (same): “Now I’m really ticked!”

Huh, actually I don’t think this scene looks fakey at all.

(as Godzilla starts waking up)
Servo: “Make sure he doesn’t hit the snooze button!”

(Godzilla’s eye opens)
Joel: “This had better be good.”

Brothers are threatened by Ebirah…

Godzilla bursts out of cave…

Crow: “Good morning Godzilla. Your mission, should choose to accept it, save those two Japanese guys.”

Joel (Godzilla sees Ebirah): “You woke me up for THAT?”

Servo (as Ebirah): “Oh, I’ll give you such a pinch!”

Really funny scene where Godzilla and Eibrah batter a boulder back and forth like their playing catch.

Crow: “Run before they make us play outfield!”

And they volley it back and forth a bit…goes too far and hits the base.

Ebirah splashes Godzilla.
Joel: “Oh, now that was low!”

Servo: “Look at Godzilla go! I guess there’s no sea-food lover in him!”

Pretty cool scene where Godzilla gets dragged underwater and they fight.

Crow (as Llloyd Bridges): “I grabbed a rock; and by this time my lungs were aching for air.”

(bushes start shaking)
Crow: “Hey that bush trick doesn’t work around here pal, we invented it!”

(brothers are caught in snares)
Crow: “Oh, how hideous; hung by their feet till their dead!”

Eye-Patch (whipping slaves): “You can work faster! And you there!”
Crow: “…Nice job.”

(soldiers fire wildly)
Servo: “Ow, ow, you shot my other eye you idiots!”

(soldiers chasing girl get scared off by Godzilla)
Joel: “Don’t even mess with my chick!”

Joel (as Godzilla): “Hey were are you going? You owe me babe!”

Girl: “Help me!”
Crow: “Dibs! I got dibs, I said it first!”

Guys arrive and see Godzilla.
Servo: “Woah! Baby you are on your own!”

Joel: “Be careful, we look like corn-cobs to him!”

Giant bird suddenly appears and attacks Godzilla.

Crow: “Hey, what do you think I am, Tippi Hedron? Get out of here!”

And Godzilla blasts it.
Joel: “Oh, now he’s a wonder-roast chicken.”

(bird crashes into the ocean)
Joel: “Thank you for flying Northwest.”

And now jets attack him.

(he smashes a plane)
Servo: “Oh, there goes Tom Cruise.”

(alarm sounds)
All: “It’s not going well. It’s not going well. It’s not going well.”

(Big Bad and Eye-patch look out window)
Crow: “Do you see half of what I see?”

Eye-Patch: “Turn the atomic power on! Destroy him!”
Joel: “Uh, whatever you say, sir, but we’re right at ground-zero…”

Guy: “Where’s my brother?”
Crow: “Oh, will you shut up about your brother!?”

(Godzilla throws a rock at the base)
Servo: “Oh no, he’s learned to use tools! Careful people he’s evolving!”

Cave starts collapsing on slaves under Godzilla’s weight.

Eye-Patch: “Put it on nuclear, it will destroy the base!”
Crow: “Oh, great, what was it on before, defrost?”

Crow: “Ah, here comes the death with dignity committee.”

Scientist: “Stay were you are!”
Servo: “Or I’m going to fill a prescription!”

Third host segment: Crow and Servo play as the Shobijin, then Mothra shows up. It’s pretty funny, even though they voice her as a guy.

Guy: “They’re escaping!”
(Godzilla roars off camera)
Crow: “And they sound funny too.”

And Ebirah smashes the boat with the bad guys on it.

Godzilla and Ebirah fight again, with some amusing trash talking from Crow and Servo.

Joel: “Whenever their underwater it sounds like a James Bond movie.”

So, there’s only ten minutes before the island self-destructs.

And Mothra wakes up.

Crow: “I just talked to Ziegfeld; we open in New Haven in two weeks!”

(as Mothra flies off)
Joel: “Oh I am a jumbo Bumblebee!”

And Godzilla rips Ebirah’s claws off.

Servo (as Ebirah): “Oh, leave me one!”
(he doesn’t)

(Mothra hovers straight down)
Servo: “He’s a harrier-moth”

Shobijin (from on top of Mothra): “She’ll take you; you must get into the net!”
Servo/Crow: “How did we get up here anyway?”

Joel (as Godzilla): “Oh, I’m getting beaten up by a bug, how humiliating!”

And the humans call to Godzilla to get off the island.

Joel: “Let’s see, there’s some beeping and everybody left, I wonder what…oh no!”

And there’s the shot they used for their stinger last week in its proper place.

(as the island blows up)
Servo: “Irwin Allen slept here.”

Really good animated distance shot of Mothra, and we’re done.

Closing: Lines never really said in movies, like “Play it again Sam.” The results of the ‘Cool Thing Contest’ from ‘Lost Continent.’ Some nice pictures. The Mads consider changing their business plan. It’s pretty amusing.

Stinger: Worshiping Mothra. Meh, I would have gone with the giant bird attack.


Movie Quality Rating:

1. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
2. The Crawling Eye
3. The Black Scorpion
4. Mad Monster
5. Lost Continent
6. First Spaceship to Venus
7. Rocketship XM
8. Moon Zero Two
9. Godzilla vs. Megalon
10. The Crawling Hand
11. Catalina Caper
12. King Dinosaur
13. Jungle Goddess
14. Wild Rebels
15. The Corpse Vanishes
16. Ring of Terror
17. Untamed Youth
18. The Slime People
19. Project Moonbase
20. The Sidehackers
21. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
22. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
23. Hellcats
24. Rocket Attack USA
25. Robot Holocaust
26. Robot Monster

Conclusion: Good movie, with pretty funny riffing and decent host segments, but marred by cheating.

Final Rating: 7/10.