(Yes, another long delay: hopefully things will go a little smoother now that I'm out of school)
The second Gamera film is, by far, the best of the old series. The main reason for this is that it is the only film in the series to focus entirely upon adults: there are no children in this story. A solid plot about a treasure-hunt gone bad anchors the human story while Barugon is as unique and imaginative a monster as Gamera was and makes for a creditable threat. The human characters are actually kind of interesting and I found myself getting caught up in the brisk, easy-to-follow storyline. In short, this is an actually good Kaiju film; the only one of the old Gamera series that I would place on par with the Godzilla movies of the time.
One rather surprising aspect about the film is that Gamera himself is barely in it: he shows up for an opening sequence attacking a dam, then basically vanishes except for a brief encounter with Barugon until the climax. Quite honestly, if they came up with an alternative means to defeat Barugon, Gamera could have been excised entirely and the film wouldn’t have lost much (I don’t know what it says about the original Gamera films that the best of the lot could easily have been made without Gamera).
So the movie here is above-average for MST3k. The riffing, meanwhile, is also solid, though not brilliant (the best line is Crow’s “Solipsism is its own reward”). And the host segments are also solid, with the best being the brilliant “5000 Piece Fighting Men-and-Monsters Set.” It’s incredibly densely written and goes by so fast that you can barely keep up with the jokes and probably will have to watch it a few times to catch them all.
A pretty decent movie, great riffing, and solid host-segments make for a good episode.
Opening: Tom and Crow have a user-interface war. An instructive look into the early days of personal computers. It’s also pretty funny, especially Tom’s overreaction to Crow’s snark about Mac System 7.
Invention Exchange: (Crow’s arm falls off early on) Joel has an animatronic pop-can to be a spokes-person for recycling. It’s really cute. We also get to see Servo’s extend neck again! The Mads have the cumber-bubble-bum (which Joel invented in Episode 107, Robot Monster). Joel notes it’s familiar as they go into the theater.
Credits, over the ocean like in the first movie, except this one’s in color.
And we get some flash-backs to the first movie.
Servo: “A little background first!”
Narrator: “Again there was failure.”
Joel: “And deep personal shame.”
We learn that the Z-Plan Rocket (which looks completely different this time, by the way) got hit by a meteorite, so Gamera’s back.
Gamera returns and attacks a dam, destroying it and killing untold numbers of innocent people. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!
Joel: (as Gamera) “I just can’t get close to anyone anymore!”
Servo: “Tokyo, I think it’s about time to start thinking about Solar Power.”
(on the view of the destruction)
Servo: “Woah, looks like Wimberley Stadium after a soccer match.”
And Gamera leaves to feast on a volcano after bursting the dam.
We cut to a couple of guys in a plane talking.
Pilot: “This is my last day up here.”
Joel: “I will serve my master down there.”
Other pilot: “But you’ve just earned your wings after so much dedicated work.”
Servo: “Clarence.”
Cut to some women playing a stringed instrument.
Servo : “I never knew a cheese-grater could sound this good.”
Then a close up on some guys gathering bombs…
Servo: “This oughta shut em’ up.”
…and guns…
Joel: “Oh, come on, now, they’re not that bad!”
Servo: “Uh, guys, maybe you shouldn’t be smoking around those things.”
And the pilot shows up to join them.
Joel: “Hi, I’m dangerous to myself and others.”
Pilot gives the lead guy (his brother) all his money then comments that he wants his own aircraft company.
Brother: “That’ll take money…”
Crow: “And you don’t have any. He just took it.”
Brother says that he found a huge opal during the war and now he wants to go back for it.
Pilot’s name is Kaseke.
So, they’re not exactly crooks, but not exactly honest either. I like the ambiguity here.
Kaseke: “You mean we’re to quit the ship without leave and then reboard it again?”
Crow: “That’s dishonest!”
So they take the grenades and guns to defend themselves against all the creatures in the jungle.
On the ship, Kaseke and crazy-guy work as janitors while a third guy is an officer.
And we arrive on the island, with a lot of dancing girls.
Servo: (interpreting the native dance) “The Male of the tribe is saying ‘how about dinner and a movie?’ the female responds with ‘okay, but I’ve seen “Manikin” already.’ The male says he just wants to sleep, but the female wants to talk.”
And they’re interrupted by the helicopter with the three guys arriving (the helicopter spooks the natives).
Joel: “I’ll shoot myself to prove we’re friendly.”
They’re suddenly confronted with a hot native girl who speaks English (or Japanese: same thing)
Joel: “Hey, has anyone called dibs yet? Dibs!”
Crow: (as native girl) “Are you smitten by my eyes by now?”
And an old doctor shows up.
Doctor: “And I have been extremely fortunate. Hokaren is my assitent.”
(indicates hot native girl)
Joel: “Oh, we get the picture.”
(warning them off from the cave they’re looking for)
Hokaren: “It’s called Rainbow Valley”
Crow: “The Care-Bears live there.”
And of course they ignore the warnings and shoot their way out (just a warning, but it’s still mean).
First Host Segment: 5000 Piece Fighting Men and Monsters set! Astonish and baffle your friends and foes as you pulverize Japan! Gamera spits real fire and causes real pain! It’s hilarious! And I want it!
Back in the movie they’re searching the cave and find the opal. Officer guy goes nuts with excitement and gets eventually killed by a scorpion (crazy-guy sees it, but says nothing).
Servo: “Uh, death where is thy sting? We’re waiting.”
It’s actually kind of sad when he dies, when he was so happy just before and crazy-guy just stood there and let him.
Servo: “Hey, let’s put him in a real scary pose.”
Kaseke cries, crazy guy just talks about the opal.
Crazy-guy puts the opal in his pack, then pulls out a few grenades to kill Kaseke with.
Servo: “Hey, that’s not very respectful of your friend’s feelings!”
(watching him light the bombs)
Crow: “Oh, the roadrunner’s never gonna fall for this.”
(after the cave blows up)
Crow: (as crazy-guy) “Oh, shoot! I should have been out of the cave first! Note to self; get out of the cave before blowing it up.”
But Kaseke survived! And is being tended to by the natives.
Crow: “Saigon. I can’t believe I’m still in Saigon.”
Servo: “Oh, he’s missing the Luau!”
(Hokaren comes in)
Crow: “He can wait!”
Hokaren: “Don’t think we saved you out of kindness…”
Joel: “We just like our meat fresh.”
Kaseke: (on the drum-beating natives) “What are they doing?”
Crow: “It’s a long drum solo. It’s not your place to ask.”
The doctor and Hokaren try to convince Kaseke how important the opal is, and that it’s not really an opal.
Hokaren: “You’ve touched something evil.”
Crow: “Oh, I suppose you’re perfect.”
We cut to the ‘opal’ hatching.
Servo: “I think we have pretty much determined that it is not an opal.”
Servo: “Caution: filling is hot and alive.”
Meanwhile, crazy-guy is on the boat rejecting expressions of sympathy for his dead friends.
And the ship begins sinking thanks to the recently hatched monster…then it blows up.
Servo: “At seven PM a main hatch-way caved in.”
(as refugees from the ship are brought to shore)
Servo: “Welcome to Elis Island, your name is now Bob Smith.”
Brother is looking for Kaseke and others, only finds crazy-guy.
Crazy-guy says both friends are dead
Crazy-guy: “He slipped and fell.”
Crow: “Onto some live grenades.”
Pointing-guy: “Hey! What’s that?”
Crow: “It’s your finger and it’s pointing. Dope.”
(the sea begins to churn and bubble)
Servo: “Oh, it’s the ghost of Esther Williams!”
And the fully-grown Barugon shows up.
Joel: “Hi, I’m a juicy new character. Enjoy me! I’m what’s known as the complication. The antagonist, if you will.”
Brother says something incomprehensible.
Joel: “What did he say?”
Crow: “Well, roughly translated it means ‘beat cheeks.’”
They note that Barugon looks kind of like a dog.
Barugon reveals his ramming-tongue to smash a building with it.
Joel: “I’m your boyfriend now, bleh!”
Second Host Segment: Crow and Servo are old Minnesotan women eating out and Joel’s their waiter. It’s a weird little sketch, especially Crow and Servo’s rather disturbing little faces. It’s amusing more than funny.
Back in the movie Barugon is approaching Osaka while brother and crazy-guy discuss getting the opal back.
Crazy-guy let’s slip that he killed his friends. Brother starts attacking him.
Joel: “Tiny-Tim no!”
They fight, crazy-guy wins (it’s surprisingly vicious, especially as crazy-guy smushes him under two heavy lockers)
Barugon begins smashing up the city.
Joel: “You know, I miss my Hot Wheels set.”
(Barugon uses his tongue to freeze the military)
Joel: “You know, you don’t see that a lot in nature.”
Servo: “Property values plummet as whole neighborhoods suffer from freezer-burns.”
Joel: “Oh, I saw a wire! That wrecks the whole thing!”
General: “The monster can destroy everything with its tongue.”
Crow: “You try saying that without laughing.”
(on a sleeping Barugon)
Crow: “He’s dreaming of big, mutated, armor-plated rabbits.”
Barugon uses a rainbow to vaporize the missiles meant to kill him.
Servo: “Well, that went well.”
And Gamera shows up, attracted by the rainbow.
(on some refugees)
Joel: “Oh, Reverend Moon is holding a prayer and share!”
And we learn from a news report that Gamera was frozen solid by Barugon.
Kaseke and Karen show up and she recognizes Barugon.
Kaseke: “Karen, what’s wrong? Are you ill?”
Joel: “I’m carrying Barugon’s child!”
Karen claims to know Barugon’s weakness.
Barugon smashes a bridge.
Joel: “That’s a bridge over troubled models.”
Kaseke and Karen confront crazy-guy and fight.
Servo: “Oh, that’s good, hit him with whicker.”
Karen just stands by…
Crow: “Uh, honey, you can jump in here any time. Anytime…”
She hits crazy-guy with a bottle.
Crow: “Thank you!”
Kaseke winds up winning and tying him up.
Crow: “You’re lucky my chick’s here, man!”
Karen notices he was cut and sucks his blood. Yeah, it’s kind of weird.
Joel: “You are one spooky chick! You mind if I don’t call you again?”
Jump cut to Karen and Kaseke talking to some generals. Apparently Barugon’s weakness is water.
She provides a diamond to tempt Barugon to his death.
Karen: “If you don’t believe me, you are doubting the gods.”
Joel: “Woah, guess I stepped on a few toes there.”
Kaseke: “It’s the only plan that hasn’t been tried.”
Crow: “Well, what about the Z-plan?”
Crazy-guy is freed by some random lady, who cuts him free.
Joel: “Ow, cut the ropes, not my wrists!”
And they hear the news reports about the plan, including the diamond. Crazy-guy decides he wants the diamond.
Crow (as Barugon): “Oh, right, I’m heading for the lake, what you think I was born yesterday? Oh, wait, I was…”
Joel: “You know, don’t you think a disco-ball would be a little cheaper?”
And Barugon randomly decides not to follow the diamond.
Generals yell at Karen for the plan’s failure. Kaseke stands up for her.
General sees Karen crying into Kaseke’s arms.
Joel: “I hate to pull rank on you son, but…”
Random guy notes that Barugon was exposed to an infared ray, which Karen says is why he grew up so fast (as in, what should have taken ten years took an hour at most).
Karen: “He’s really a freak with an abnormal body.”
Crow: “I know the feeling.”
That’s also why Barugon didn’t want the diamond, so they decide to expose the diamond to the same ray.
Kaseke: “Karen, is there any way to make him stay where he is now?”
Crow: “We could staple him to the floor…”
Turns out rain freezes him (no word on why they can’t just blow him up then).
And after irradiating the diamond, they try again.
(as a car approaches the sleeping Barugon)
Servo: “And here comes a hapless family on a Sunday ride.”
Kaseke: “Good…”
Servo: “Well said.”
Kaseke: “What’s wrong?”
Joel: “Everything! We’ve got to lengthen the movie!”
Third Host Segment: They’re hanging out on the beach and Joel talks about the drive-in movies and the ‘stars’ in this movie. Servo and Crow start to worry about his sanity. He goes off the rails at the end, and his mispronounces “Willem Dafoe”’s name.
In the movie, crazy-guy suddenly shows up and steals the diamond at gun-point.
Servo: “Guys, I’m starting to doubt their friendship.”
And he gets eaten for his troubles.
Joel: “Help me! I’m being Frenched to death!”
(on the dismayed heroes)
Crow: “Why are they so sad? That’s the guy who killed his brother!”
Crow: “Well, that’s it. We’re licked.”
(Joel takes an arm for that one!)
Next morning, Karen notes that she always wanted to see the devastating rainbow with her own eyes.
Kaseke: “It’s our punishment for wanting so much wealth.”
Servo: “So what’s gonna happen to Donald Trump?”
They realize that the rainbow doesn’t affect mirrors.
General: “Can we use it against Barugon?”
Crow: “No, but it’s something to do.”
And Kaseke develops a plan, which he illustrates by waving a welding torch around.
They plan to reflect the rainbow onto Barugon and so kill him.
Servo: “Tanks of Windex are commissioned by the government! Kids are told by the thousands not to smudge the mirrors!”
So they attack him to draw out his rainbow…it works and he destroys the tanks.
Joel: “Uh, what was that about repositioning the tanks?”
Servo: “Too late.”
But the rainbow is reflected and Barugon gets burned.
They think Barugon is dead.
Crow (as Barugon): “I’m faking!”
Turns out he isn’t dead.
Kaseke: “We must arouse him!”
Crow: “Hey, I listened to the diamond thing, but I am not going to ‘arouse’ him!”
Karen explains that Barugon will never send out another rainbow since he has learned from his mistake.
Kaseke: “There’s nothing we can do!”
Servo: “That’s the spirit.”
But now Gamera begins to thaw.
Narrator: “Gamera has regained consciousness.”
Servo: “And his pilot has been re-lit”
Servo: “Finally, a fight!”
And fight they do.
It’s actually kind of cool, with Gamera repeatedly gashing him with his tusks, then finally dragging him into the lake to kill him.
General: “He’s completely defeated.”
Servo: “Then why do I feel so empty?”
Joel: “Hey, shouldn’t they kill Gamera now that they’ve got him right there?”
And Kaseke and Karen have a heart-to-heart.
Kaseke: “I feel so alone right now…”
Crow: “Solipsism is its own reward.”
And Karen takes his hand and the movie ends.
Crow: “Gamera will be back in ‘Support your Local Sheriff.’”
Crow sticks around after Joel and Servo leave to see how it turns out (it’s just the credits).
Final Host Segment: Joel explains why Gamera gets top billing despite a total screen-time of about five minutes, then presents some books about monsters in the film business. It’s pretty funny, especially the audio-version of ‘The Velveteen Turtle.’ Then a letter. Frank buys the uncut version of “The Stand” by Stephen King. It’s too heavy for Dr. F. to lift.
Stinger: Sweaty-guy laughs. Meh, not bad.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
2. The Crawling Eye
3. The Black Scorpion
4. Gamera vs. Barugon
5. Mad Monster
6. Lost Continent
7. Gamera
8. First Spaceship to Venus
9. Rocketship XM
10. Moon Zero Two
11. Godzilla vs. Megalon
12. The Crawling Hand
13. Catalina Caper
14. King Dinosaur
15. Jungle Goddess
16. Wild Rebels
17. The Corpse Vanishes
18. Ring of Terror
19. Untamed Youth
20. The Slime People
21. Project Moonbase
22. The Sidehackers
23. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
24. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
25. Cave Dwellers
26. Pod People
27. Hellcats
28. Rocket Attack USA
29. Robot Holocaust
30. Robot Monster
Conclusion: A surprisingly good movie, plus some amusing riffing, makes for a solid episode.
Final Rating: 8/10.
