This is a rather famous episode, and justly so; the movie shown here is the first of the ‘eighties sci-fi’ flicks which they’ve seen, and it’s a HILARIOUSLY awful movie. Not quite in the same league as ‘Robot Monster,’ but close (again, for an overview of this movie’s charms, check out the typically hilarious and insightful review at http://jabootu.net/?p=621).
Okay, here’s the plot, as well as I can gather it; it’s the Future, after the apocalypse (according to the opening narration, this was caused by a robot rebellion). The robots rule, the humans are slaves, kept in servitude by ‘The Dark One’ (whose imaginative name is typical of the film’s writing). The Dark One keeps them enslaved by controlling their air and threatening to turn off the air-cleaner and poison them all. Except that a surprising number of people, including Amazons, Mutants, and…some other group are immune to it (our hero, Neo, comes from the latter group).
Anyway, some scientist named Jorn invents a device to allow the few people who aren’t immune breath the poison air (oddly, it goes on the side of the head). The robots capture him and his daughter joins up with Neo and an annoying comic-relief robot (And a few random slave guys) to trek out of the city, then back again to destroy the Dark One (maybe it was just the print I was watching, or the riffing, but I had no idea what they were trying accomplish by leaving the city).
They have some time-wasting adventures, including a confrontation with some Amazons, and eventually make their way back to the air-processing plant, where the Dark One dwells.
Also there is the Dark One’s number-one gal, Valeria. Often in MST3K there is a specific character in the film who captures the Brains’ imagination. Valeria is definitely that one here; she’s an aggressively terrible actress (considering the general level of acting talent on display here, the mere fact that she stands out so much is pretty indicative of how bad she is) with a very strange accent which seems to get worse and worse as the film goes on.
Riff-wise, the film is pretty mediocre; rather standard for season one. This is one of those movies you wish they could do over again with the whole crew; with the skill they develop over the next season or two, this could have been an all-time classic. They get off some good riffs, of course, but it’s rather frustrating to know that they could have done so much better later on. The host-segments are amusing, but there aren’t any stand outs (my favorite is the third, where Tom tries to get Joel and Crow to play his post-apocalyptic adventure and gives himself the best role).
This episode also is the first example of the thankfully rare editing decisions which are simply inexcusable; here it’s the decision to cut off the short (another Cody serial episode) about halfway. The thing that makes this especially galling is that if they had cut the movie’s credits and maybe a scene or two in the rest of the film, they could have easily watched the entire short. What’s more, the credits don’t inspire any good riffs; indeed, they seem pretty bored during them. And, just to add some more salt to the wound, they leave before the credits are done, and we just watch the credits for about a minute without any riffs whatsoever! It makes me almost literally mad when they do this sort of thing, but fortunately they almost never do (indeed, off the top of my head I can only think of one other example, and we’ll reach that one soon enough).
So, frankly, I was a little disappointed with this one; its reputation led me to expect more, but about the only thing that really made it was the movie itself.
Thoughts while Watching:
Opening; Joel explains the premise again. Crow’s jaw is really messed up and his controlling wire is really distracting.
Invention Exchange: Joel; Nitro-burning-funny pipe; Joel lights a match on Crow. It’s kind of a weird one. Mads; ski-mask with expressions. It’s pretty funny, despite Dr. Earhart’s voice, which is really getting to me.
More Commando Cody (although not for long here)…
Servo: “Right in the plywood!”
This was actually one of the better cliffhangers; Cody’s sidekick’s air hose broke. The resolution is kind of lame, though; Cody simply reattaches it. Still, it beats another car-crash.
Joel: “Ted, we can’t take your puppet everywhere!”
Yeah, it’s a moon-car; why do they need to ‘ditch it’?
And they capture the moon-man, and just order him to go to his quarters; they don’t even post a guard on the guy! Well, even the bad-guys were polite back then.
The Film broke? That’s pretty lame, especially since, like I’ve said before I love serials. I guess they didn’t have quite enough time to show both the short and the film, but frankly if that was the case they should have edited the film a bit more; this is just disappointing. Joel and the bots seem pretty disappointed too. I think this was the only time they did this, thank goodness.
Anyway, Robot Holocaust; classic bad movie from the eighties. Their first color movie (again, not counting ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet’).
Narrator fills us in; Servo will quote this for years. “The world had been brought to its knees by the…Robot Holocaust!”
Lame sorta-gladiatorial fight.
More narration.
One robot is picking pockets in a VERY obvious manner; he just walks up to a guy and reaches for his pocket. He looks a bit like C-3PO and he has a VERY annoying voice.
Joel wants to join the fight.
Evil robot; ‘Kiiilll hiiimmm!’
Old guy is a terrible actor! Of course, so is everyone here.
Mean robot is ‘Torq.’
First host segment: the ‘We-Zone;’ a world that revolves around the bots and only the bots. It’s mildly amusing; the bots make Joel do a lot of tricks. And some very fake Joel-legs. (incidentally, this segment refers to something that hasn’t happened in the film yet. They do that sometimes.)
So, the Dark One notices the old guy could breath, but not the hero-guy. Not very observant for an evil overlord.
I like how no one reacts to hero-guy grabbing the girl.
Girl: “Who are you to keep me from my father?”
Crow: “Dave,”
So, the annoying-robot guy talks for the hero (whose name is ‘Neo,’ by the way). No, wait, he’s talking for himself now; that was a short-lived plot point (thank goodness).
Wait, why does the breathing thing go in her temple?
Neo sounds like he’s reading his lines off a cue-card (which he probably is).
Servo: “I guess it’s a wasteland, if you ignore that big city behind you.”
Well-tended wasteland with a clear foot-path. Right.
Time-wasting encounter with Amazons.
Amazon: “I am yours to do what you want with me.”
Crow: “Alright!”
Man, these people cannot act at ALL!
Valeria: “Dew yew untersand?”
Joel: “No, none of us understand!”
Valeria is probably the worst actress here; and that’s REALLY saying something.
Jorn (old guy): “I have nothing to say.”
Joel: “Except for what I just said.”
Valeria: “Torq, take him to the Room of Questions!”
Crow: “Where is the Room of Questions?”
Underground cavern. Why? Because we need to pad out the running time.
Sock-puppet monsters! Joel is moving his hands like the puppets!
I really can’t follow the story here; but the film is so ridiculous it really doesn’t matter.
Extra gets bitten because of his own stupidity.
Servo: “This whole movie is just socks and violence.”
Servo: “This is some good work for the out-of-work hand models.”
And now they’re outside; the tunnel was apparently about a hundred feet long.
Valeria: “Dew yew wich to sey anyting?”
Joel: “Yes, do you know Elmer Fudd?”
Mutant-cannibal attack; kind of random, of course.
That one guy just kind of touched the guy with his knife and killed him.
Second Host Segment: Servo has a date with the McGuffy Triplets (?). There’s a laugh track here; I guess they’re parodying sitcoms. Cam-Bot’s Sitcom simulator malfunctions, so he has to shut down for a second. Not bad.
Valeria sounds like she can barely remember her lines. The same with Jorn.
The scene kind of peters out.
Very obvious matte-painting.
Neo finds his dead father (this is the first time we’ve heard of it).
Joel: “A being so hideously expensive that we couldn’t afford to show it in this scene.”
Servo: “Of course you’re being watched, you’re in a film, idiot!”
Crow: “How did Rosencrantz and Guildenstern get into this film?”
The plan the slaves come up with here is ripped-off from “Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster” (which will be shown in the next season).
What the...what happened? Where are they? I think they skipped a scene or two.
Crow (on Torque): “A Cylon wanna-be.”
What the…she’s ‘caught in the web’, but is barely even touching the web, and she’s on the other side from the direction she ran…and the ‘Beast of the Web’ is a single spider-leg-rod-puppet! Come on!
And they camp out in the basement. Really, they made a campfire in the evil-overlord’s basement (I think; it’s hard to tell what’s going on at times).
Random guy wanders off for NO REASON WHATSOEVER!! (except to die)
Servo (on a skeleton): “I think I found Granpa, though,”
Crow (as an evil robot-monster attacks: “Kitty! Bad Kitty!” (possibly the very first ‘kitty’ line; one of Crow’s catchphrases).
This is the third time those two guys have reviewed their heroic plan! We get it already!
Dear God, there’s still about twenty minutes left!
Servo: “Somebody’s been watching ‘Alien’” Yep. Major rip off.
Amazon sets off the alarm system. Please say this means we’re getting towards the end!
Joel: “Can the balloon-juice, sparky, just do something, will-ya!”
Servo (on the annoying comic-relief robot): “A week before that guy was playing ‘Hamlet’”
Crow (as the comic-relief robot goes nuts): “That, ladies and gentlemen, is one of the liberators of Earth. Pathetic.”
You know, why don’t the robots (who have laser guns) just go and shoot the heroes? They could crush the rebellion in about a second! Come on here!
Again, I have no idea where they’re supposed to be in relation with the other characters.
What the…what is happening?
Crow: “Boy, oh boy, if I weren’t a light fixture…”
In the close up you can see Neo glancing down occasionally; is he reading his lines?
Time wasting bomb-disarming scene. Frankly I’m with the Amazon, who wants to just let the bomb go off and kill the random guy.
Joel: “Taking someone out of an omnipresent being’s sight is pretty tough to do when you think about it.”
Third Host Segment: Servo tells the story of the human rebellion; Servo gives himself the best role (“Servo the Bloodletter”) and assigns Joel as Geekor the Animal Sidekick. It’s pretty amusing; Servo’s personality is completely intact here.
What the…why do these robots have SWORDS!!?? We saw Torque using a laser earlier in the film! Who wrote this thing?
Torque vs. Neo; standard hero vs. dragon fight (except it’s lame).
Crow: “In the future, all robots will act like Don Knotts.”
Joel: “I saw Darth Vader do that once.”
Joel: “Always get a contract when you’re dealing with a dark, omnipotent power.”
Crow: “Joel, if we ever get like these bots, will you please shut us down.”
Valeria gets burned, reveals she’s a robot (I would have thought the Dark One would have known that), so she decides to take everyone down with her.
Random guy gets killed; which makes that bomb-scene look even more pointless (except as padding, of course).
Now Comic-relief robot takes evil robot out.
Wait, I thought the Dark One was about to be destroyed; he still has time to chat with the girl.
Torque finally uses his laser and hits the Amazon. Then he just kind of walks off. Man, this is the lamest evil overlord organization ever!
Haha! Jorn is turned into…like a big potato thing.
Crow: “Hey, honey, remember my torso? It’s chip-dip now.”
Torque, you moron, just shoot him! You tried once before, now get it right!
And she shuts down the air. Okay, whatever; I don’t care!
Comic-Relief Robot shoots Valeria.
What the…our hero tries to strangle Torque, who, in case you’ve forgotten, is a ROBOT!!
Neo is clearly in Torque’s field of vision, but he still gets the drop on him.
The Dark One tries to pull the ‘we can rule together’ trick on Neo. Has that EVER worked?
Comic-relief robot turns the air on. Which, if I’m following this, has been off for about five minutes now; I think it’s a bit late for that (although all the humans seem happy enough).
Okay, the Dark One’s dead, Jorn’s dead, girl is angry at Neo, but everyone is free and happy, except for the girl.
A lot of the time when they watch the credits, their conversations kind of wander; like it does here. They really should have skipped the credits and kept the rest of Cody. They sound bored.
Servo refers to the ‘heating grid’ which is the in-show explanation for why Joel has to carry him in and out of the theater.
Come on! The credits keep going after they leave! Why the hell didn’t they keep Cody? Very occasionally they do things like this that just make no sense.
Final Host Segment: They present the ‘plant guy’ contest, which culminates in the final segment of ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet.’ And a letter.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. The Slime People
6. Project Moonbase
7. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
8. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
9. Robot Holocaust
10. Robot Monster
Conclusion: Riffing is only so-so, host-segments only so-so, and annoyingly pointless editing decisions kind of bring down the episode. The simply hilariously bad movie saves it, though.
Final Rating: 6/10
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Sunday, November 2, 2008
MST3K – Episode 109: Project Moonbase (with shorts: Commando Cody & the Radar Men from the Moon (two episodes))
Well, I had no real expectations going into this one, except that the ‘Amazing Colossal Episode Guide’ really laid into this one for being sexist. I thought the Brains (the informal name for the MST3k crew) were exaggerating, as they often do in shorts from this era, but it turns out they really weren’t. This movie is occasionally painful to watch because of how openly condescending it is towards its female lead.
Otherwise, the film is a lame, dull, largely plot-less but somewhat interesting look at how the film industry viewed the space program before it really took off (no pun intended). The film starts off showing a sinister foreign organization intent on sabotaging the US Space Program (SPACOM), but this plot point steadily dies away as the film goes on. The whole film is kind of like that; they set up problems and then solve them shortly afterwards (or just forget about them). Anyway, eventually the two main characters land on the moon, become the first moonbase, and are married by the general. And…that’s it. It’s not much of a movie, and I really don't have much to say about it.
Fortunately, it’s preceded by two episodes of Commando Cody. The Brains comment several times in both the episodes and the episode guide that they hate Cody, but I’m liking him better and better with each episode. Like most serials, it’s just so insanely idiotic, yet so earnestly eager to entertain that you really can’t dislike it.
Thoughts while watching;
Opening: Joel is cleaning the bots.’ Nothing much to it, but the bots look cute. Especially Servo in the laundry hamper. Although they don’t say a word.
Invention Exchange: Joel has a new way to juggle water. Unfortunately, the film quality here is too poor for me to really appreciate it. The Mads have the ‘insect-a-sketch.’ Meh, alright. Dr. Earhardt is wearing worse and worse each time. I’m frankly glad he didn’t last that long.
Commando Cody again! Hooray! Ah, serials…
The first time Joel and the Bots acknowledge Clayton Moore’s presence.
Joel continues his ‘little rabbit’ jokes.
And…yup, he just turns on his flying suit. Rather slowly, I might add for someone plummeting off of a cliff which is, at most, a few hundred feet tall.
Servo: “Al’s Café; serving the underworld since 1923.”
Interesting; Cody’s doing some actual investigations. In these things they generally just lay traps and get into fist fights; this ‘Law and Order’ stuff is kind of unusual.
My God, these encounters are contrived! The bad-guys come in at just the time Cody is in the garage too! C’mon, you guys can come up with something better than just ‘they ran into each other and fought’ over and over again.
Joel pulls out ‘Batman’-esque sound-effect cards. Pow! Oof!
Some good puns during the fight. ‘He bench-pressed him!’ ‘he’s getting tired’ (when they hit Cody with a tire).
Joel’s phone comment is actually what the phone person was supposed to have said! (well, to some extent). That’s really unusual.
Well, at least the bad guy is using a rifle, but still, he’s shooting from a moving car at a flying object.
The ‘Who is it?’ ‘It’s me!’ gags are pretty good.
What the…Cody just flies up to the plane and climbs in! Cool!
Crow’s right, those are ridiculously small bombs!
The plane just blows up in mid-air! Of course, need I remind you that Cody has a Flying Suit?
Another episode. I like Servo’s little Cody theme song. Joel joins in, and then Crow. It falls apart a little bit more with each character. Crow forthrightly admits he can’t think of a rhyme.
Joel’s quick news-flash line is pretty funny.
And, yup, Cody and his friend just jump out of the plane.
That shot of Cody coming at the screen is pretty cool.
And they’re going back to the moon.
Joel: “You know, they should invest in a control tower.”
I love how the Space-ship is piloted by a guy who looks like a cross between an airline pilot and a cab-driver. Hank the space-ship pilot.
The Moon-man has more equipment than Cody.
And…they’ve got the moon-man captured…and they’re feeding him! This has got to be one of the more ridiculous things I’ve seen! You’ve got to see it for yourself, it’s unbelievable!
Joel: “These Moon-men have uses for plywood we haven’t even dreamed of yet.”
And Cody and his friend steal the moon-car.
Wait, how do they know how to drive the moon-car?!
And now they know how to fix it? Come on!
First Host Segment: Servo is playing Commando Cody and makes Joel carry him around at arm’s length. Crow is Krog. It’s mildly amusing.
Now the feature. The old future is in effect, as the film is set in far-off 1970.
Interesting, the film opens with the bad guys. I didn’t really expect that.
I…frankly can’t follow this. It looks like the bad guys are right outside the good-guys room.
The tracking is really messed up here.
Crow: “Sitting sir. Taking it easy sir.”
And the colonel they’ve been talking about turns out to be…a woman! Accompanied by a ‘full-figured’ reporter.
In the Amazing Collossal Episode Guide they call the movie sexist. I thought they were exaggerating, but they weren’t; the scene with the Colonel and the General is genuinely unpleasant. He specifically belittles her accomplishments and threatens to spank her.
Second Host Segment: The Ties of the Future. It’s pretty good. Servo: “Don’t talk to me, I’m a high-fashioned model from the future.”
General: “Now that we have a space-station.”
All: “Or Frisbee.”
Naked exposition about the space station.
Standard old ‘G-Force’ scene, where the characters act all tortured as they take off.
Joel makes porno music as the spaceships dock.
The colonel is the most professional person in the film! This makes everyone’s belittling of her all the more annoying.
Rather interesting set design; the characters walk around on the walls and ceiling and even sit down on the walls. It’s obvious how it’s done, and it’s pretty cheesy, but kind of cool. (plus there are rather funny signs everywhere saying ‘please don’t walk on the walls’
Crow: “The technical term ‘shoving off’”
Yeah, really!
So he knows the guy is a spy because he doesn’t follow baseball.
Well, this movie is really just kind of going through the motions; they just keep moving, which gives the plot a pretty inconsequential feel.
Third host Segment: SPACOM. It has some really remarkable production values, particularly for an episode this early; the way the SPACOM goo changes color is really well done. It’s pretty amusing in a typically random way.
The girl immediately blames herself. Then the guy tells her to powder her nose. C’mon, you just crashed on the moon! Can you be serious for one minute!
Crow: “Hey, look, a walk-in trash can!”
Servo: “Meanwhile, back at Frisbee-Four.”
And he takes the spy with him to help. Right.
The Astronaut falling off the Moon-cliff is pretty funny in its execution. By the way, since they’ve established that he’ll be low on oxygen on the way back, why doesn’t he take the dead guy’s oxygen?
Hey! I think that was the first ‘My lungs were aching for air’ line by Crow!
And now the good-guy can’t get back to the ship. Frankly, it’s less ‘oh my god, will he make it?’ and more ‘god, this guy is a puss.’
And, of course, the colonel is portrayed as more or less incompetent. Again, this isn’t the sort of thing I tend to be sensitive to, but this is indeed a painfully sexist movie.
‘Shirty?’
So, the general orders (or ‘advises’) the colonel and the guy to get married. And he sends her out of the room to give him the message.
Guy: “The General is through,”
Crow: “and so are my wild bachelor days.”
I like the guys prompting the hero to ‘ask her.’
What the…what are we seeing?
Hah! The rocket landing is hilariously bad!
Crow: “Remember, never try to remove the bees from the hive without the proper protective gear.”
Crow does part of the ‘emergency supplies’ speech from ‘Dr. Strangelove.
And they get married.
Minister: “Til’ death do you part?”
Crow: “Or until the oxygen runs out.”
Female President. Perhaps one of the earliest examples of this. And for some reason, she’s British.
Lame ending; they just kiss and that’s it. You know, now that I think about it, there’s really no plot to this movie; no problem-resolution. It just kind of…goes on and then stops.
Final host segment; Crow’s walking upside down like in the movie. So is Servo.
It’s kind of interesting; in these early episodes they just call it the ‘Fan Club,’ but they soon will rename it the ‘Information Club.’
There’s some complaints about there not being any color movies so far, which, if you don’t count ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet,’ is true. The very next film, though, will be in color.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. The Slime People
6. Project Moonbase
7. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
8. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
9. Robot Monster
Conclusion: A mildly interesting old sci-fi flick marred by unabashed sexism, some amusing, but not brilliant host segments, and okay riffing. A very middle-of-the-road episode, at least for Season 1.
Final Rating: 6/10 (mostly just because serials are awesome).
Otherwise, the film is a lame, dull, largely plot-less but somewhat interesting look at how the film industry viewed the space program before it really took off (no pun intended). The film starts off showing a sinister foreign organization intent on sabotaging the US Space Program (SPACOM), but this plot point steadily dies away as the film goes on. The whole film is kind of like that; they set up problems and then solve them shortly afterwards (or just forget about them). Anyway, eventually the two main characters land on the moon, become the first moonbase, and are married by the general. And…that’s it. It’s not much of a movie, and I really don't have much to say about it.
Fortunately, it’s preceded by two episodes of Commando Cody. The Brains comment several times in both the episodes and the episode guide that they hate Cody, but I’m liking him better and better with each episode. Like most serials, it’s just so insanely idiotic, yet so earnestly eager to entertain that you really can’t dislike it.
Thoughts while watching;
Opening: Joel is cleaning the bots.’ Nothing much to it, but the bots look cute. Especially Servo in the laundry hamper. Although they don’t say a word.
Invention Exchange: Joel has a new way to juggle water. Unfortunately, the film quality here is too poor for me to really appreciate it. The Mads have the ‘insect-a-sketch.’ Meh, alright. Dr. Earhardt is wearing worse and worse each time. I’m frankly glad he didn’t last that long.
Commando Cody again! Hooray! Ah, serials…
The first time Joel and the Bots acknowledge Clayton Moore’s presence.
Joel continues his ‘little rabbit’ jokes.
And…yup, he just turns on his flying suit. Rather slowly, I might add for someone plummeting off of a cliff which is, at most, a few hundred feet tall.
Servo: “Al’s Café; serving the underworld since 1923.”
Interesting; Cody’s doing some actual investigations. In these things they generally just lay traps and get into fist fights; this ‘Law and Order’ stuff is kind of unusual.
My God, these encounters are contrived! The bad-guys come in at just the time Cody is in the garage too! C’mon, you guys can come up with something better than just ‘they ran into each other and fought’ over and over again.
Joel pulls out ‘Batman’-esque sound-effect cards. Pow! Oof!
Some good puns during the fight. ‘He bench-pressed him!’ ‘he’s getting tired’ (when they hit Cody with a tire).
Joel’s phone comment is actually what the phone person was supposed to have said! (well, to some extent). That’s really unusual.
Well, at least the bad guy is using a rifle, but still, he’s shooting from a moving car at a flying object.
The ‘Who is it?’ ‘It’s me!’ gags are pretty good.
What the…Cody just flies up to the plane and climbs in! Cool!
Crow’s right, those are ridiculously small bombs!
The plane just blows up in mid-air! Of course, need I remind you that Cody has a Flying Suit?
Another episode. I like Servo’s little Cody theme song. Joel joins in, and then Crow. It falls apart a little bit more with each character. Crow forthrightly admits he can’t think of a rhyme.
Joel’s quick news-flash line is pretty funny.
And, yup, Cody and his friend just jump out of the plane.
That shot of Cody coming at the screen is pretty cool.
And they’re going back to the moon.
Joel: “You know, they should invest in a control tower.”
I love how the Space-ship is piloted by a guy who looks like a cross between an airline pilot and a cab-driver. Hank the space-ship pilot.
The Moon-man has more equipment than Cody.
And…they’ve got the moon-man captured…and they’re feeding him! This has got to be one of the more ridiculous things I’ve seen! You’ve got to see it for yourself, it’s unbelievable!
Joel: “These Moon-men have uses for plywood we haven’t even dreamed of yet.”
And Cody and his friend steal the moon-car.
Wait, how do they know how to drive the moon-car?!
And now they know how to fix it? Come on!
First Host Segment: Servo is playing Commando Cody and makes Joel carry him around at arm’s length. Crow is Krog. It’s mildly amusing.
Now the feature. The old future is in effect, as the film is set in far-off 1970.
Interesting, the film opens with the bad guys. I didn’t really expect that.
I…frankly can’t follow this. It looks like the bad guys are right outside the good-guys room.
The tracking is really messed up here.
Crow: “Sitting sir. Taking it easy sir.”
And the colonel they’ve been talking about turns out to be…a woman! Accompanied by a ‘full-figured’ reporter.
In the Amazing Collossal Episode Guide they call the movie sexist. I thought they were exaggerating, but they weren’t; the scene with the Colonel and the General is genuinely unpleasant. He specifically belittles her accomplishments and threatens to spank her.
Second Host Segment: The Ties of the Future. It’s pretty good. Servo: “Don’t talk to me, I’m a high-fashioned model from the future.”
General: “Now that we have a space-station.”
All: “Or Frisbee.”
Naked exposition about the space station.
Standard old ‘G-Force’ scene, where the characters act all tortured as they take off.
Joel makes porno music as the spaceships dock.
The colonel is the most professional person in the film! This makes everyone’s belittling of her all the more annoying.
Rather interesting set design; the characters walk around on the walls and ceiling and even sit down on the walls. It’s obvious how it’s done, and it’s pretty cheesy, but kind of cool. (plus there are rather funny signs everywhere saying ‘please don’t walk on the walls’
Crow: “The technical term ‘shoving off’”
Yeah, really!
So he knows the guy is a spy because he doesn’t follow baseball.
Well, this movie is really just kind of going through the motions; they just keep moving, which gives the plot a pretty inconsequential feel.
Third host Segment: SPACOM. It has some really remarkable production values, particularly for an episode this early; the way the SPACOM goo changes color is really well done. It’s pretty amusing in a typically random way.
The girl immediately blames herself. Then the guy tells her to powder her nose. C’mon, you just crashed on the moon! Can you be serious for one minute!
Crow: “Hey, look, a walk-in trash can!”
Servo: “Meanwhile, back at Frisbee-Four.”
And he takes the spy with him to help. Right.
The Astronaut falling off the Moon-cliff is pretty funny in its execution. By the way, since they’ve established that he’ll be low on oxygen on the way back, why doesn’t he take the dead guy’s oxygen?
Hey! I think that was the first ‘My lungs were aching for air’ line by Crow!
And now the good-guy can’t get back to the ship. Frankly, it’s less ‘oh my god, will he make it?’ and more ‘god, this guy is a puss.’
And, of course, the colonel is portrayed as more or less incompetent. Again, this isn’t the sort of thing I tend to be sensitive to, but this is indeed a painfully sexist movie.
‘Shirty?’
So, the general orders (or ‘advises’) the colonel and the guy to get married. And he sends her out of the room to give him the message.
Guy: “The General is through,”
Crow: “and so are my wild bachelor days.”
I like the guys prompting the hero to ‘ask her.’
What the…what are we seeing?
Hah! The rocket landing is hilariously bad!
Crow: “Remember, never try to remove the bees from the hive without the proper protective gear.”
Crow does part of the ‘emergency supplies’ speech from ‘Dr. Strangelove.
And they get married.
Minister: “Til’ death do you part?”
Crow: “Or until the oxygen runs out.”
Female President. Perhaps one of the earliest examples of this. And for some reason, she’s British.
Lame ending; they just kiss and that’s it. You know, now that I think about it, there’s really no plot to this movie; no problem-resolution. It just kind of…goes on and then stops.
Final host segment; Crow’s walking upside down like in the movie. So is Servo.
It’s kind of interesting; in these early episodes they just call it the ‘Fan Club,’ but they soon will rename it the ‘Information Club.’
There’s some complaints about there not being any color movies so far, which, if you don’t count ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet,’ is true. The very next film, though, will be in color.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. The Slime People
6. Project Moonbase
7. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
8. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
9. Robot Monster
Conclusion: A mildly interesting old sci-fi flick marred by unabashed sexism, some amusing, but not brilliant host segments, and okay riffing. A very middle-of-the-road episode, at least for Season 1.
Final Rating: 6/10 (mostly just because serials are awesome).
Sunday, October 26, 2008
MST3K – Episode 108: The Slime People (with shorts: Commando Cody & the Radar Men from the Moon)
Here’s another one I had high hopes for; I had hear rather positive things about this one, and it seemed perfect for riffing. However, I found I was rather overwhelmed by the badness of the movie. The riffing is pretty good, but the episode is marred by the fact that for at least a quarter of the film’s running time, you cannot see ANYTHING! You see, the film deals with the invasion of the Slime People from underground. They take over Los Angeles and set up a wall of fog for protection. The upshot of this is that large chunks of the action take place in impenetrable fog. The most you can see is occasional flashes of action or dark shapes moving in the fog. This makes for a nearly impossible viewing experience. That said, the basic set up for the film isn’t bad at all; the film has a cool, creepy end-of-the-world feel to it, and while this thing has been done numerous times better, it still is mildly effective even here. The set up of a small group of diverse people banding together for survival has a certain power to it, even when portrayed as poorly as it is here. Here we have a scientist, his two daughters (one blond, one brunette), a sports reporter, and a marine. Later, they’re joined by a crazy writer who thinks the whole thing is a conspiracy.
Naturally, the two young heroes (reporter and marine) pair up with the daughters and immediately fall in love. I do have to wonder why it is that the reporter is the take-charge strategist while the marine is a pretty passive character, but this is a pretty common conceit in movies like this (I suspect it’s because the filmmakers personally feel closer to the media types and prefer to portray them in the best possible light). Salt saves the day yet again, and they eventually destroy the fog-machine, letting the monsters die and the military clean up. This is after a lot of pointless running around and plot threads that go nowhere. So, all in all, despite some good riffing, I found this episode rather hard going (although I rather suspect it might improve upon future viewings).
Opening: the bots in the morning; Crow is a morning bot, Servo hates morning bots. Trace is so good as Crow; he’s really getting into him now.
Invention exchange: Joel has cartoon-eyes; which are pretty good. Mads have cotton candy that screams when you bite it; really good. Their ‘thank you’ catchphrase isn’t really wearing well, though.
Hey, you can hear them yelling on the way down to the theater.
Another Cody short! Have I mentioned how much Serials rock? I have? Good.
Joel: “If I remember right, Cody is about to collide with the evil Good-Humor Man’s Ice Cream Car of Death.”
And another jump out of the car just in time. I’m willing to bet that that was THE most common Cliffhanger resolution.
Crow (after the cars crash): “Oh, great that was on my Mastercard!”
By the way, the head gangster is played by Clayton Moore, better known as the Lone Ranger. He was a pretty common secondary-villain in these things; most prominently in the superior ‘The Crimson Ghost’
I love how they casually decide to drop an atomic bomb into the volcano.
Discussion of why the gangsters are so willing to sell out the Earth.
Servo: “Do you think they have wives and families?”
Crow: “I bet they sold them too to pay for those nice suits.”
Servo: “You know, the Cessna Skyhawk is usually your best choice for bombadeering missions.
Stock flood footage.
Crow: “Finally I come in and you two aren’t fighting anybody.”
So, they had to take a charter plane to drop an atomic bomb?! These Moon-Men aren’t willing to commit very much to this invasion, are they?
Crow (as cook): “Sure I’ve got nothing better to do with my miserable life than call you.”
Gangsters walk in just as heroes are walking out; they run into each other and start fighting! Man, there are some great coincidences here.
Crow (during the fight in the café): “Uh, gentlemen, I can seat you immediately…”
Had to rewind to remember which ones were the bad guys and which were the good guys. The picture quality isn’t too good, and most black-and-white male faces tend to kind of run together for me.
So, these gangsters are willing to sell their entire world into slavery, but a reluctant to just kill the heroes when they get the chance unless provoked?
Joel’s ‘bunny’ jokes are slightly naughty.
Crow: “That’s an electric razor, you idiot!”
The guy playing Cody looks a bit like James Whitmore in some shots.
Say what you will, that flying suit is pretty cool. And I frankly like the innovation involved in these old effects more than just ‘oh, we used to computer for that.’
Crow: “He acts like a bunny and we fall to pieces, what kind of thugs are we?”
Servo: “When will I learn? I should always go before I fly.”
Joel: “Steve, have you ever really looked at a squirrel? I mean REALLY, up close…”
That’s just so random it’s hilarious.
Joel: “You know, there’s nothing like being in a gun fight with six-hundred pounds of high-test-nitro-rocket-fuel on your back.”
Servo: “Uh-oh, this isn’t good. I’ve seen good before and it didn’t look like this.”
The Lone Ranger gets the drop on Cody! Knocks him off the cliff and that’s that. Need I remind you he has a flying suit on? Not exactly the most suspenseful cliffhanger.
They just showed the monster in the first five seconds! The title hasn’t even come up yet! That’s a sure sign the movie sucks.
What do you mean ‘the early days’ Tom? When did Hollywood stop being slime people?
Guy lands at airport (against instructions) and finds no one there. This type of scene tends to get me, even when done poorly (here, it’s just kind of lackluster). It’s creepy pretty much by definition.
Crow: “Hi, this is the human race. We’re not in right now. Please speak clearly after the sound of the bomb.”
I like Joel wiping the scientist’s glasses.
So, now Los Angeles is in the possession of the Slime People, since the army lost and the Slime People have occupied what’s left and built a dome around the city. (all this is told in an eager manner by the cheerful blond girl, who reminds me a bit of one of Wally’s girlfriends from ‘Leave it to Beaver’)
This reminds me a bit of a zombie movie.
Crow: “The dipstick on this thing is enormous!”
First Host Segment: Bots vs. Cody. Again, I kind of like Cody, but this is pretty good; the little Cody figurine is cute (Frankly, I want one). It kind of goes off the rails, but it’s still pretty amusing.
What was that shadow?
The hysterical witness is frankly hilarious. If these early episodes had stingers, this would be my choice.
Servo: “It’s Roger Ebert!”
The monsters are really goofy, though kind of well made.
Joel helps them with the door!
A nice thing about movies of this time, is that the heroes always tried to save people, even if they don’t like them or even would benefit by their deaths.
So, we’ve got a reporter, a soldier, and a scientist; pretty much the three standard heroes of any sci-fi flick (granted, the scientist is an old guy, but still).
First romantic sub-plot begins…blond with marine. Man, this happens quick. In the movies people know each other for about five minutes and can pledge eternal love. If only it were that easy.
Cripes, blond and soldier are sleeping in each other’s arms! C’mon, take a few hours to get to know each other at least!
Crow: “Hey, nice cups”
Bow-chicka-bow-wow. (If you don’t get that, don’t worry about it)
And second romantic sub-plot; reporter with brunette. Man, they exchange about five words tops and start kissing! And the professor walks in in the middle of it, but doesn’t seem to care.
Crow: “Oh, tasting my daughter I see!”
Second Host Segment: Why this movie was made. Eh, mildly amusing. It’s best when Servo starts sprouting his idea for the MST3K premise. Joel says it’s illogical.
Crazy old man. He’s going to die, I know it.
Old Man: “If there are any beings, they’re probably as harmless as ants!”
Joel: “Obviously, he didn’t see the movie ‘Them.’”
Man, I love that movie (‘Them!’).
Servo: “If you drag out our rotting, broken carcasses, it means it didn’t really work out very well.”
Servo: “It’s like a mime training course,”
Lots of fog so you really can’t see anything. Whose brilliant idea was that? I have no idea what’s going on.
So they just drop the old crazy guy off in the middle of the monster infested city?
Old Man: “Genius waits for no one!”
Crow: “But stupidity hammers on deserted buildings.”
Crow: “I bet that’d be scary if we could make out what it was.”
You said it, Crow; I can’t tell what is going on in this scene.
Joel (on a panicking crowd): “They’re all on their way to a George Romero film festival.” Again, this movie reminds me of a Zombie movie.
Servo: “Oh, man, you got glass in the kielbasa.”
Mmmm…Kielbasa…
Crazy old guy goes really crazy; dies, just like I thought.
Salt is the weakness. How many times has salt (or sodium, or salt water, or whatever) been the monster’s weakness? Quite a few.
Again, because of the fog you really can’t see anything.
Girl: “Daddy! Daddy!”
Joel (as slime-person): “Shut-up, I’m your daddy now!”
I think that was the first ‘Milwaukee Beer’ joke.
Question: How long will girls scream before they give it up and just accept their horrible fate?
Third host segment: Fog. Joel isn’t scared, just annoyed. And they discuss the film’s plot holes. These discussions happen all the time in season one, but frankly they aren’t very funny.
They find the kidnapped girl with absolutely no fanfare. I’m going to be generous and suppose that they cut a scene or two here. I love how she’s been screaming her head off for the past ten minutes and when they find her the first thing she says is ‘are you alright?’ Man, that’s my kind of girl!
And they’re off with the salt!
Over long walking-through fog scene.
Jeez, you can’t see a THING! I’m not exaggerating, all you can see is some vague shapes in the fog. What is this?
Why does the Marine have to take orders from the SPORTS REPORTER!?
Marine fights Slime Monster, of course, it’s so foggy you can’t see a frickin thing! You can barely tell which one is the monster!
Reporter takes Slime Person with his bare hands. Yeah, right!
So, he just throws a spear and the fog machine blows up.
Thank God! No more fog! You can actually see what’s going on.
Monsters just kind of die.
Slime monster falls over and goes heels-over-head! Hilarious! No, wait, this should have been the stinger.
And the couples get kissy-face.
The Military IMMEDIATELY shows up to deal with the monsters.
And they end with a joke and a sequel hook.
Final Host Segment: Silicon-diode pie for Crow. Again, a lot more robotic; pretty weird. Gypsy eats it instead. This is a pretty weird, not too successful segment.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. The Slime People
6. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
7. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
8. Robot Monster
Conclusion: An impenetrable movie and some lame host segments bring down an episode with some decent riffing.
Final Rating: 5/10.
Naturally, the two young heroes (reporter and marine) pair up with the daughters and immediately fall in love. I do have to wonder why it is that the reporter is the take-charge strategist while the marine is a pretty passive character, but this is a pretty common conceit in movies like this (I suspect it’s because the filmmakers personally feel closer to the media types and prefer to portray them in the best possible light). Salt saves the day yet again, and they eventually destroy the fog-machine, letting the monsters die and the military clean up. This is after a lot of pointless running around and plot threads that go nowhere. So, all in all, despite some good riffing, I found this episode rather hard going (although I rather suspect it might improve upon future viewings).
Opening: the bots in the morning; Crow is a morning bot, Servo hates morning bots. Trace is so good as Crow; he’s really getting into him now.
Invention exchange: Joel has cartoon-eyes; which are pretty good. Mads have cotton candy that screams when you bite it; really good. Their ‘thank you’ catchphrase isn’t really wearing well, though.
Hey, you can hear them yelling on the way down to the theater.
Another Cody short! Have I mentioned how much Serials rock? I have? Good.
Joel: “If I remember right, Cody is about to collide with the evil Good-Humor Man’s Ice Cream Car of Death.”
And another jump out of the car just in time. I’m willing to bet that that was THE most common Cliffhanger resolution.
Crow (after the cars crash): “Oh, great that was on my Mastercard!”
By the way, the head gangster is played by Clayton Moore, better known as the Lone Ranger. He was a pretty common secondary-villain in these things; most prominently in the superior ‘The Crimson Ghost’
I love how they casually decide to drop an atomic bomb into the volcano.
Discussion of why the gangsters are so willing to sell out the Earth.
Servo: “Do you think they have wives and families?”
Crow: “I bet they sold them too to pay for those nice suits.”
Servo: “You know, the Cessna Skyhawk is usually your best choice for bombadeering missions.
Stock flood footage.
Crow: “Finally I come in and you two aren’t fighting anybody.”
So, they had to take a charter plane to drop an atomic bomb?! These Moon-Men aren’t willing to commit very much to this invasion, are they?
Crow (as cook): “Sure I’ve got nothing better to do with my miserable life than call you.”
Gangsters walk in just as heroes are walking out; they run into each other and start fighting! Man, there are some great coincidences here.
Crow (during the fight in the café): “Uh, gentlemen, I can seat you immediately…”
Had to rewind to remember which ones were the bad guys and which were the good guys. The picture quality isn’t too good, and most black-and-white male faces tend to kind of run together for me.
So, these gangsters are willing to sell their entire world into slavery, but a reluctant to just kill the heroes when they get the chance unless provoked?
Joel’s ‘bunny’ jokes are slightly naughty.
Crow: “That’s an electric razor, you idiot!”
The guy playing Cody looks a bit like James Whitmore in some shots.
Say what you will, that flying suit is pretty cool. And I frankly like the innovation involved in these old effects more than just ‘oh, we used to computer for that.’
Crow: “He acts like a bunny and we fall to pieces, what kind of thugs are we?”
Servo: “When will I learn? I should always go before I fly.”
Joel: “Steve, have you ever really looked at a squirrel? I mean REALLY, up close…”
That’s just so random it’s hilarious.
Joel: “You know, there’s nothing like being in a gun fight with six-hundred pounds of high-test-nitro-rocket-fuel on your back.”
Servo: “Uh-oh, this isn’t good. I’ve seen good before and it didn’t look like this.”
The Lone Ranger gets the drop on Cody! Knocks him off the cliff and that’s that. Need I remind you he has a flying suit on? Not exactly the most suspenseful cliffhanger.
They just showed the monster in the first five seconds! The title hasn’t even come up yet! That’s a sure sign the movie sucks.
What do you mean ‘the early days’ Tom? When did Hollywood stop being slime people?
Guy lands at airport (against instructions) and finds no one there. This type of scene tends to get me, even when done poorly (here, it’s just kind of lackluster). It’s creepy pretty much by definition.
Crow: “Hi, this is the human race. We’re not in right now. Please speak clearly after the sound of the bomb.”
I like Joel wiping the scientist’s glasses.
So, now Los Angeles is in the possession of the Slime People, since the army lost and the Slime People have occupied what’s left and built a dome around the city. (all this is told in an eager manner by the cheerful blond girl, who reminds me a bit of one of Wally’s girlfriends from ‘Leave it to Beaver’)
This reminds me a bit of a zombie movie.
Crow: “The dipstick on this thing is enormous!”
First Host Segment: Bots vs. Cody. Again, I kind of like Cody, but this is pretty good; the little Cody figurine is cute (Frankly, I want one). It kind of goes off the rails, but it’s still pretty amusing.
What was that shadow?
The hysterical witness is frankly hilarious. If these early episodes had stingers, this would be my choice.
Servo: “It’s Roger Ebert!”
The monsters are really goofy, though kind of well made.
Joel helps them with the door!
A nice thing about movies of this time, is that the heroes always tried to save people, even if they don’t like them or even would benefit by their deaths.
So, we’ve got a reporter, a soldier, and a scientist; pretty much the three standard heroes of any sci-fi flick (granted, the scientist is an old guy, but still).
First romantic sub-plot begins…blond with marine. Man, this happens quick. In the movies people know each other for about five minutes and can pledge eternal love. If only it were that easy.
Cripes, blond and soldier are sleeping in each other’s arms! C’mon, take a few hours to get to know each other at least!
Crow: “Hey, nice cups”
Bow-chicka-bow-wow. (If you don’t get that, don’t worry about it)
And second romantic sub-plot; reporter with brunette. Man, they exchange about five words tops and start kissing! And the professor walks in in the middle of it, but doesn’t seem to care.
Crow: “Oh, tasting my daughter I see!”
Second Host Segment: Why this movie was made. Eh, mildly amusing. It’s best when Servo starts sprouting his idea for the MST3K premise. Joel says it’s illogical.
Crazy old man. He’s going to die, I know it.
Old Man: “If there are any beings, they’re probably as harmless as ants!”
Joel: “Obviously, he didn’t see the movie ‘Them.’”
Man, I love that movie (‘Them!’).
Servo: “If you drag out our rotting, broken carcasses, it means it didn’t really work out very well.”
Servo: “It’s like a mime training course,”
Lots of fog so you really can’t see anything. Whose brilliant idea was that? I have no idea what’s going on.
So they just drop the old crazy guy off in the middle of the monster infested city?
Old Man: “Genius waits for no one!”
Crow: “But stupidity hammers on deserted buildings.”
Crow: “I bet that’d be scary if we could make out what it was.”
You said it, Crow; I can’t tell what is going on in this scene.
Joel (on a panicking crowd): “They’re all on their way to a George Romero film festival.” Again, this movie reminds me of a Zombie movie.
Servo: “Oh, man, you got glass in the kielbasa.”
Mmmm…Kielbasa…
Crazy old guy goes really crazy; dies, just like I thought.
Salt is the weakness. How many times has salt (or sodium, or salt water, or whatever) been the monster’s weakness? Quite a few.
Again, because of the fog you really can’t see anything.
Girl: “Daddy! Daddy!”
Joel (as slime-person): “Shut-up, I’m your daddy now!”
I think that was the first ‘Milwaukee Beer’ joke.
Question: How long will girls scream before they give it up and just accept their horrible fate?
Third host segment: Fog. Joel isn’t scared, just annoyed. And they discuss the film’s plot holes. These discussions happen all the time in season one, but frankly they aren’t very funny.
They find the kidnapped girl with absolutely no fanfare. I’m going to be generous and suppose that they cut a scene or two here. I love how she’s been screaming her head off for the past ten minutes and when they find her the first thing she says is ‘are you alright?’ Man, that’s my kind of girl!
And they’re off with the salt!
Over long walking-through fog scene.
Jeez, you can’t see a THING! I’m not exaggerating, all you can see is some vague shapes in the fog. What is this?
Why does the Marine have to take orders from the SPORTS REPORTER!?
Marine fights Slime Monster, of course, it’s so foggy you can’t see a frickin thing! You can barely tell which one is the monster!
Reporter takes Slime Person with his bare hands. Yeah, right!
So, he just throws a spear and the fog machine blows up.
Thank God! No more fog! You can actually see what’s going on.
Monsters just kind of die.
Slime monster falls over and goes heels-over-head! Hilarious! No, wait, this should have been the stinger.
And the couples get kissy-face.
The Military IMMEDIATELY shows up to deal with the monsters.
And they end with a joke and a sequel hook.
Final Host Segment: Silicon-diode pie for Crow. Again, a lot more robotic; pretty weird. Gypsy eats it instead. This is a pretty weird, not too successful segment.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. The Slime People
6. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
7. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
8. Robot Monster
Conclusion: An impenetrable movie and some lame host segments bring down an episode with some decent riffing.
Final Rating: 5/10.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Leave it to Beaver; Introduction and characters, part 1
I am a huge fan of ‘Leave it to Beaver.’
Partially this is because I simply love the era which it exemplifies; the 1950’s. Sure, I know there were lots of problems back then, and certain social laws and expectations that had to change, but ultimately I’ll take that over what we’ve got instead. But, never mind that now.
More importantly, it was simply a great show. One of the things that annoys me to no end is hearing people dismiss it as simplistic, overly sunny, or even stupid. It wasn’t. It’s sharp, clever, and, most importantly, genuine. Really, I would say that ‘Beaver’ is more true to life than most of today’s dysfunctional family sitcoms, which pride themselves on a ‘warts and all’ look at life. The problem being that in practice the approach tends to become ‘warts are all’ instead.
‘Beaver’ is a far more honest and affectionate look at family life. It is, of course, idealized to a certain degree, but then again, no show is ever really ‘true to life,’ and ‘Beaver’ is not simply idealized; it makes plenty of time for unpleasantness and conflict. If the Cleavers are a more or less ideal family, the show makes it clear that they are not the norm, contrasting them with Ward’s pompous, near-clueless coworker Fred Rutherford and his mean, stupid son, Lumpy, and Beaver’s friend Larry’s overbearing mother. And, of course, who could forget Wally’s best friend; the sycophantic, two-faced-and-loving it Eddie Haskell. Even the Cleaver boys aren’t perfect, and neither are their parents. Wally and the Beaver disobey their parents, prefer to spend time with their friends rather than their family, fight with their friends and each other, and do various other things which will be all too familiar to anyone who either has children or has ever been a child.
Nor are the parents perfect; Ward and June misunderstand their children frequently, get into arguments, and even occasionally punish them without reason. All the characters on the show are fallible human beings, but, unlike most modern shows, ‘Beaver’ doesn’t leave it at that. The Cleavers also are shown to be all exemplary individuals; Ward is a dedicated, devoted father, June is about the ideal mother, Wally is pretty much the best teenager a parent could reasonably hope for, and Beaver himself is a thoroughly friendly child. At one point June says of Beaver that “he likes everybody; even Eddie!” (temporarily forgetting that she is speaking to Eddie’s father).
This brings to another aspect of the show; the often times really quite sharp and hilarious writing. Take the scene quoted above; Eddie had gotten Beaver and Wally in trouble by convincing them to go to a horror movie against their parents’ wishes. In vengeance, Beaver makes a voodoo doll of Eddie (by labeling a Cabbage-Patch kid ‘Eddie Haskell’) and sticks a pin in it. When Eddie finds out about it, the power of suggestion causes him to feel sick. This, in turn, causes Eddie’s father to confront Ward about it. The situation of two modern, suburban parents discussing whether one’s nine-year-old son might have put a voodoo curse on the other’s teenager is frankly absurd, but everyone present knows that it is absurd. Most importantly, everyone acts exactly as you would expect them to act in this situation; Ward and June trying to convince George Haskell that this is absurd and George retorting that nevertheless Eddie is sick. The scene ends exactly as it should; George angrily tells Ward that he expects him to do something about this, “And don’t ask me what!” he bellows before Ward can ask the obvious question.
In the same vein as the clever writing is the frankly wonderful relationships between the characters; particularly Ward and June. Their witty, yet natural banter is often a highlight of the show (for me at least), and they are clearly two people who genuinely like and respect each other and whom you can believe were and still are in love. Hugh Beaumont and Barbara Billingsly have wonderful chemistry and play off each other perfectly.
Another great aspect of their relationship is their ever-shifting reliance on each other. I’m reminded of a line of Ransom’s in C.S. Lewis’ book, ‘That Hideous Strength,’ where he described obedience in marriage as being like a dance, with authority constantly shifting between the two partners. I haven’t seen this idea captured anywhere better than with Ward and June. Sometimes it is clear that Ward, as the man of the house, is in charge; what he says goes. Other times Ward is almost cowering before June’s assault of accusations or demands. In one episode, Ward tells the boys a story about how he dealt with a bully in his childhood by laying a trap of barrel-hoops for him. The three boys all laugh…until June makes her glowering presence known, causing Ward to rather sheepishly step out into the hall, where she rebukes him for telling the boys that kind of story.
Another thing which bugs the hell out of me when people talk about this show is their sneering at June; nowadays it’s practically an insult to compare a woman to June Cleaver, and I’ve read feminists call her one of the ‘losers’ of this era, because she stayed home and kept the house instead of getting a job. How anyone who’s ever seen the show can call June a loser is beyond me; she’s one of the pleasantest, most appealing female characters in either television or the movies. She never seems to be in a rut or to be abandoning her own dreams for her husband’s sake, or anything like that. She seems to be genuinely happy (which is not something you can say for most ‘empowered’ female characters), and indeed, why on Earth shouldn’t she be? She has a loving, dedicated husband, two well-behaved children, a nice house in a good neighborhood, and her day is her own. She’s a strong, self-possessed, intelligent woman. What reasonable person, male or female, could consider that being ‘enslaved’ or whatever? What exactly is she missing?
Ward likewise presents no cause for complaint or criticism. Indeed, it would be pretty hypocritical for people in this era to criticize Ward, because one thing that has struck me again and again is how much Ward comes across as an actual Man, which is more than the vast majority of modern male characters can manage. Ward may have a white-collar job, but he is shown to be very athletic, to enjoy hunting and camping and fishing, and had been an Engineer in the South Pacific during WWII. When he gives his sons an order, you don’t doubt that he expects it to be carried out and intends to do something if it isn’t. Even so, he is very patient and understanding with his children, even if he doesn’t hesitate to punish them if they warrant it. He is very affectionate towards June and never seems to condescend to her except in fun. Ward is, in short, strong when he has to be, but gentle when he can be, just as a real Man should be.
I’ll continue this little ‘character rundown’ in a future post, but if you ever want to put yourself in a really good mood, go out and watch some old ‘Leave it to Beaver,’ and you’ll find yourself wishing for an era when the media showed us the good in people, and not just the bad.
Partially this is because I simply love the era which it exemplifies; the 1950’s. Sure, I know there were lots of problems back then, and certain social laws and expectations that had to change, but ultimately I’ll take that over what we’ve got instead. But, never mind that now.
More importantly, it was simply a great show. One of the things that annoys me to no end is hearing people dismiss it as simplistic, overly sunny, or even stupid. It wasn’t. It’s sharp, clever, and, most importantly, genuine. Really, I would say that ‘Beaver’ is more true to life than most of today’s dysfunctional family sitcoms, which pride themselves on a ‘warts and all’ look at life. The problem being that in practice the approach tends to become ‘warts are all’ instead.
‘Beaver’ is a far more honest and affectionate look at family life. It is, of course, idealized to a certain degree, but then again, no show is ever really ‘true to life,’ and ‘Beaver’ is not simply idealized; it makes plenty of time for unpleasantness and conflict. If the Cleavers are a more or less ideal family, the show makes it clear that they are not the norm, contrasting them with Ward’s pompous, near-clueless coworker Fred Rutherford and his mean, stupid son, Lumpy, and Beaver’s friend Larry’s overbearing mother. And, of course, who could forget Wally’s best friend; the sycophantic, two-faced-and-loving it Eddie Haskell. Even the Cleaver boys aren’t perfect, and neither are their parents. Wally and the Beaver disobey their parents, prefer to spend time with their friends rather than their family, fight with their friends and each other, and do various other things which will be all too familiar to anyone who either has children or has ever been a child.
Nor are the parents perfect; Ward and June misunderstand their children frequently, get into arguments, and even occasionally punish them without reason. All the characters on the show are fallible human beings, but, unlike most modern shows, ‘Beaver’ doesn’t leave it at that. The Cleavers also are shown to be all exemplary individuals; Ward is a dedicated, devoted father, June is about the ideal mother, Wally is pretty much the best teenager a parent could reasonably hope for, and Beaver himself is a thoroughly friendly child. At one point June says of Beaver that “he likes everybody; even Eddie!” (temporarily forgetting that she is speaking to Eddie’s father).
This brings to another aspect of the show; the often times really quite sharp and hilarious writing. Take the scene quoted above; Eddie had gotten Beaver and Wally in trouble by convincing them to go to a horror movie against their parents’ wishes. In vengeance, Beaver makes a voodoo doll of Eddie (by labeling a Cabbage-Patch kid ‘Eddie Haskell’) and sticks a pin in it. When Eddie finds out about it, the power of suggestion causes him to feel sick. This, in turn, causes Eddie’s father to confront Ward about it. The situation of two modern, suburban parents discussing whether one’s nine-year-old son might have put a voodoo curse on the other’s teenager is frankly absurd, but everyone present knows that it is absurd. Most importantly, everyone acts exactly as you would expect them to act in this situation; Ward and June trying to convince George Haskell that this is absurd and George retorting that nevertheless Eddie is sick. The scene ends exactly as it should; George angrily tells Ward that he expects him to do something about this, “And don’t ask me what!” he bellows before Ward can ask the obvious question.
In the same vein as the clever writing is the frankly wonderful relationships between the characters; particularly Ward and June. Their witty, yet natural banter is often a highlight of the show (for me at least), and they are clearly two people who genuinely like and respect each other and whom you can believe were and still are in love. Hugh Beaumont and Barbara Billingsly have wonderful chemistry and play off each other perfectly.
Another great aspect of their relationship is their ever-shifting reliance on each other. I’m reminded of a line of Ransom’s in C.S. Lewis’ book, ‘That Hideous Strength,’ where he described obedience in marriage as being like a dance, with authority constantly shifting between the two partners. I haven’t seen this idea captured anywhere better than with Ward and June. Sometimes it is clear that Ward, as the man of the house, is in charge; what he says goes. Other times Ward is almost cowering before June’s assault of accusations or demands. In one episode, Ward tells the boys a story about how he dealt with a bully in his childhood by laying a trap of barrel-hoops for him. The three boys all laugh…until June makes her glowering presence known, causing Ward to rather sheepishly step out into the hall, where she rebukes him for telling the boys that kind of story.
Another thing which bugs the hell out of me when people talk about this show is their sneering at June; nowadays it’s practically an insult to compare a woman to June Cleaver, and I’ve read feminists call her one of the ‘losers’ of this era, because she stayed home and kept the house instead of getting a job. How anyone who’s ever seen the show can call June a loser is beyond me; she’s one of the pleasantest, most appealing female characters in either television or the movies. She never seems to be in a rut or to be abandoning her own dreams for her husband’s sake, or anything like that. She seems to be genuinely happy (which is not something you can say for most ‘empowered’ female characters), and indeed, why on Earth shouldn’t she be? She has a loving, dedicated husband, two well-behaved children, a nice house in a good neighborhood, and her day is her own. She’s a strong, self-possessed, intelligent woman. What reasonable person, male or female, could consider that being ‘enslaved’ or whatever? What exactly is she missing?
Ward likewise presents no cause for complaint or criticism. Indeed, it would be pretty hypocritical for people in this era to criticize Ward, because one thing that has struck me again and again is how much Ward comes across as an actual Man, which is more than the vast majority of modern male characters can manage. Ward may have a white-collar job, but he is shown to be very athletic, to enjoy hunting and camping and fishing, and had been an Engineer in the South Pacific during WWII. When he gives his sons an order, you don’t doubt that he expects it to be carried out and intends to do something if it isn’t. Even so, he is very patient and understanding with his children, even if he doesn’t hesitate to punish them if they warrant it. He is very affectionate towards June and never seems to condescend to her except in fun. Ward is, in short, strong when he has to be, but gentle when he can be, just as a real Man should be.
I’ll continue this little ‘character rundown’ in a future post, but if you ever want to put yourself in a really good mood, go out and watch some old ‘Leave it to Beaver,’ and you’ll find yourself wishing for an era when the media showed us the good in people, and not just the bad.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
MST3K – Episode 107: Robot Monster (with shorts: Commando Cody & the Radar Men from the Moon (Two episodes))
Ah, I’ve been looking forward to this one! This is the first episode so far that I’m actually familiar with, having seen it several times before. I’ve also seen the movie itself a few times outside of MST3k. Robot Monster is quite simply one of the all-time great bad movies. For far better reviews of the film than I could ever hope to give, check out these sites: http://jabootu.net/?p=622, and http://www.aycyas.com/robotmonster.htm. Both reviews are hilarious and insightful.
For a very quick run-down, though; Robot Monster tells the story of Ro-Man, a (presumed) robot who comes from the planet Ro-Man and basically wipes out all life on Earth except for one human family; The Professor, his wife, their children, Carla, Johnny, and teenager Alice, and Alice’s boyfriend Roy. They survived because the Professor invented a serum which protected them from all diseases, including Ro-Man’s death ray. From there they try to survive and defeat Ro-Man, fail at both, and it all turns out to be Johnny’s dream (which, considering what happens over the course of the film, makes Johnny look like one sick puppy).
The film’s two greatest advantages over other dirt-cheap films of this type, the two things that make it worthy to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the likes of ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space,’ are its hilarious, pretentious script and its monster. He’s described in my thoughts while watching below, but if you really want to get a sense of what we’re dealing with here, scroll all the way down to the bottom to see Ro-Man in all his glory. But really, if you have a chance, pick up or rent a copy of this movie (even without MST3K) and just let its glory wash over you; I guarantee you’ll have never seen anything like it.
The film is proceeded by two shorts this time; they did this occasionally (off hand, I think it was three times in all) when the movie was extra short. This time it’s just two Commando Cody episodes. Nothing really new to say about them.
Thoughts While Watching:
Opening: Joel explains the premise. Pretty thoroughly.
Gypsy! I just noticed the big wires controlling her; they would streamline her later.
Invention exchange: Mads; Methane Whoopee Cushion. Joel’s invention; the cumber-bubble-bund would be one of few inventions which would be repeated down the line.
Discussing the movie, they sell how bad it is (which is certainly true).
Another Commando Cody! Incidentally, isn’t this just the coolest title ever? ‘Commando Cody & the Radar Men from the Moon.’ It doesn’t get much better than that!
Why are the bots surprised when told they have to watch two episodes? They were there when the mads announced it (the first time in a while they’ve been there for the Invention Exchange).
The cliffhanger-solution of the guy just jumping out of the car was probably used more than any other in serials.
Servo: “Upon further review, the refs find that Cody is dead. The play stands. Cody is dead.”
I think this is wishful thinking on Servo’s part.
This one guy looks dead. I’m serious; he has deep, dark shadows under his eyes and looks like a zombie.
I love how the moon-man threatens to report the gangster to the authorities if he disobeys him; I’m sure the testimony of an invading alien would be simply damning.
Random action sequence where bad guys try to rob bank and shoot and get shot a lot.
And I love how the Moon men’s mission is put on hold because they’ve run out of money! You’ve got to love the scripting in these things. And the alien commander suggests kidnapping!
Crow: “Hey, this bra is coming along nicely!” (you just have to see it)
Man, this random scientist kicks ass!
Crow: “I told you once, I told you a thousand times, we’re not rounding off Pi to 4!”
Kidnapped heroine! Now all the most awesome aspects of serials have been accounted for!
Cody shows up JUST as the bad guys drive off with the girl! I’m serious, he pulls in just as they pull out.
Joel: “Be on the look-out for two men and a babe. May be armed with a giant experimental, stainless steel brassiere.”
Servo sneezes! How does he do that? He’s a robot! (I guess Josh Weinstein really sneezed and they try to cover it. They do pretty well)
Another awesome thing about these things; the bad guy and Cody shoot out in MID-AIR! With revolvers! The bad guy just shoots out the plane window! Man, they’d be lucky if the bullets even went in the right cardinal direction!
Bad guy runs out of bullets, just decides to crash the plane. He just points it down and pulls the wheel off. It’s that simple. And jumps out with a parachute! Man, the world is a sadder place for that you don’t see stuff like this in the movies anymore.
Cody, you moron, you’ve got a flying suit! Just grab her and get out!
And another episode already! It’s generally not a good idea to watch serials back-to-back like this, as they weren’t designed for it. Serials were meant to be seen one-a-week and it’s best to stagger then when you watch.
Crow and Servo try to ditch! They’d try the same thing many seasons later for ‘Hobgoblins.’
I like Servo’s repeated assertion “You can’t make me! You can’t make me!”
Joel: “I’m surrounded by idiots of my own design!” That’s a little harsh. He’s kind of mean sometimes.
So, he has to tell her to grab the parachute sitting in plain sight? The heroines in these things weren’t generally known for their independence or pro-activeness. Though they generally were pretty chipper and rebounded wonderfully from near-death experiences, like here.
Now they’re shooting from a moving car at a flying object! And he hit him! God, I love this!
I just noticed that the moon-city looks like it was made entirely with model city-halls!
Even the moon-chief points out that it’s ridiculous that plans to invade the Earth are upset because they’ve run out of money!
Scene fades out in the middle of his sentence! This is the second time this has happened.
Another car chase.
Crow: “Meanwhile, back at the Cody institute for scientists who get pummeled…”
Joel has giant dart! Servo begs him not to throw it, since he’ll ruin the scene. These guys were pretty weird sometimes.
Another mid-sentence fade out.
Crow: “Alright, give me a snow-cone and two bon-bons.” (as bad guy holds up what looks like the good-humor man).
And another car chase!
First Host Segment: The physics of Cody. This reminds me of Mythbusters a bit. They point out the impossibilities of Cody and other sci-fi impossibilities. Joel brings up Bumblebees and the bots break down. They were a lot more like robots in those days; later they basically became little robotic people.
Robot Monster! One of the great films! George Nader later showed up in ‘Human Duplicators,’ but we’ll save that for now.
George Barrows! One of the great Ape-men; he specialized in playing gorillas and the like. He wasn’t as famous as some other gorilla actors, but he did act alongside some of Hollywoods best and brightest (that was not at all sarcastic; check this cast out: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0047041/ )
Elmer Bernstein, who composed some of the great film scores (The Magnificent Seven, the Great Escape, and many more), also did the music for this movie!
Joel: “Stop torturing that cat!”
Crow: “It’s the band ‘Stop Us if we Become Annoying’”
Incidentally, this is Bronson Cavern; a perennial favorite of Sci-fi films right up to the present day (it was also the Bat-Cave on the Batman TV Show)
Stock footage of slurpasaur fight! It’s really kind of unpleasant to watch, since, of course, it’s a real caiman and a real monitor lizard thrown together and encouraged to fight. In spite of this, I still kind of enjoy this footage whenever it shows up (and in this kind of movie, it shows up all the time). It just is so indicative of the weird, somewhat unethical processes that went into these things.
Crow: “Ah! I win!”
You have to hear him say it.
The revelation of Ro-Man! One of the great monsters of all time! You see, Phil Tucker, the film’s director/producer couldn’t afford a real robot costume even of the cheapest kind, so he contacted George Barrows, who owned his own ape-suit. So, Ro-Man is an Ape-suit with one of the moon-men’s helmets from ‘Commando Cody’ (which I suspect was stolen). You really have to see him to believe him. Or, as an alternative, check out the screen-shots in the links above.
Naked exposition; shouldn’t they have told Johnny this earlier?
God, this is a great movie!
I wonder what Ro-Man must be thinking during this monologue? “Uh, hello? I’m the destroyer of the world, can we focus on ME now?”
Second Host Segment: Servo and Crow playing Ro-Man and the Great One. It’s great. “Why have you not killed the human?” “Because he gives me crunchy treats.” So many great lines here! It’s one of the best segments of Season 1.
Roy: “Who does he experiment on?”
Joel: “Monkeys?”
Actually, on his family!
Annoying, romantic, pretty sexist montage of working on the viewscreen.
Joel: “You’d think that if he were going to rule the world, he would pick a better spot than the cave.”
Crow: “He could have had a V-8! Joke, Joel! Joke!”
I don’t know why Joel is so angry.
Best. Special Effects. Sequence. EVER! Wait till you see it!
Actually good line (well, I like it anyway); “Out of Two Billion there are Six!”
Yeah, let’s negotiate with the monster that killed practically everyone on Earth.
Another montage of work! These are probably the most hated scenes in the movie.
God, I love Ro-Man! He’s one of the great characters of cinema, and I am not being sarcastic at all.
Servo: “Okay, now tilt the camera down a bit…”
Skipped a few scenes here and there.
Man, Barrows was a great guy; he walks up slag-heaps and hills, in an ape-suit, in the summer, in California, and remember, HE WASN’T PAID! He did it as a favor!
Johnny: “I wanted to find out what you had against me.”
Crow: “Your voice for starters.”
Johnny spills the beans to Ro-Man, basically because the kid’s an idiot.
Johnny’s parents are pretty lenient about how Johnny doomed mankind.
One of the most nauseating romantic scenes ever. Joel is in top form translating their sign-language love.
You know, this movie is pretty explicit for its time, at least in how specific its implications are.
Carla: “Have you been playing house?”
Crow: “In a way, in a way!”
Come on Roy! I know it’s the apocalypse, but at least put your friggin shirt on!
In a different movie with a better script and a better actor, the Professor’s speech here might have been actually quite moving. It’s not, but it might have been. In fact, this whole scene might have been rather poignant; at the end of the world, people trying to keep up faith and traditions. Again, here it’s just lame and ridiculous, but in a different film…
They just let Carla run off in the wrong direction! They just watch her toddle off in the opposite direction of home, and right into Ro-Man! They don’t even care!
And Carla is dead! Again, this movie does things that might surprise you!
Third Host Segment: The movie is getting to them, so Joel discusses surrealism. It’s no match for the last segment, but the simple randomness keeps it amusing.
I love Ro-Man’s conversations with the Great One; here is some of the funniest dialogue ever written.
Ro-Man is totally kicking Roy’s ass! Now he’s strangling him and drops him off a cliff! Man, I love Ro-Man.
Joel: “Beautiful maidens in the hands of hideous beasts; this is my kind of movie.”
You said it!
I have to wonder what filming must have been like; George Barrows and Claudia Barret (Alice) must have had an interesting time together.
Romantic hero is dead.
Joel gets really mad at Ro-Man here (for good-reason; Ro-Man just tore Alice’s dress off. I’m not kidding).
This is one of the most ridiculous scenes in history; Ro-Man keeps trying to molest Alice, but each time gets called back to the view-screen.
By the way, Alice just tied herself up in the mother of all continuity errors.
Ro-Man: “Yes! To be like the Hu-Man! To laugh! Feel! Want! Why are these things not in the plan?” I love Ro-Man with an everlasting love!
Crow: “I’ve hired an idiot!”
And Ro-Man kills our child hero, then gets killed himself.
Stock footage from ‘Lost Continent,’ to be seen next season.
And basically the same stuff we saw at the beginning of the movie.
Crow: “Eyah!”
Again, you have to see it.
And the big twist; IT WAS ALL A DREAM!!
OR WAS IT???
Their Déjà vu bit is good.
By the way, no one I’ve heard talk about this film ever pointed out that it is actually the Great One coming out of the cave, not Ro-Man. You can tell, because the helmets are different.
Final Host Segment: Really bizarre discussion of the film while dressed in trash-bags.
Dr. F: “Could we have sent a stranger man into space?”
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
6. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
7. Robot Monster (although it is easily the most entertaining film yet shown)
Conclusion: A great film, decent riffing, and one classic host segment make this a winner for Season 1
Final Rating: 7.5/10
For a very quick run-down, though; Robot Monster tells the story of Ro-Man, a (presumed) robot who comes from the planet Ro-Man and basically wipes out all life on Earth except for one human family; The Professor, his wife, their children, Carla, Johnny, and teenager Alice, and Alice’s boyfriend Roy. They survived because the Professor invented a serum which protected them from all diseases, including Ro-Man’s death ray. From there they try to survive and defeat Ro-Man, fail at both, and it all turns out to be Johnny’s dream (which, considering what happens over the course of the film, makes Johnny look like one sick puppy).
The film’s two greatest advantages over other dirt-cheap films of this type, the two things that make it worthy to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the likes of ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space,’ are its hilarious, pretentious script and its monster. He’s described in my thoughts while watching below, but if you really want to get a sense of what we’re dealing with here, scroll all the way down to the bottom to see Ro-Man in all his glory. But really, if you have a chance, pick up or rent a copy of this movie (even without MST3K) and just let its glory wash over you; I guarantee you’ll have never seen anything like it.
The film is proceeded by two shorts this time; they did this occasionally (off hand, I think it was three times in all) when the movie was extra short. This time it’s just two Commando Cody episodes. Nothing really new to say about them.
Thoughts While Watching:
Opening: Joel explains the premise. Pretty thoroughly.
Gypsy! I just noticed the big wires controlling her; they would streamline her later.
Invention exchange: Mads; Methane Whoopee Cushion. Joel’s invention; the cumber-bubble-bund would be one of few inventions which would be repeated down the line.
Discussing the movie, they sell how bad it is (which is certainly true).
Another Commando Cody! Incidentally, isn’t this just the coolest title ever? ‘Commando Cody & the Radar Men from the Moon.’ It doesn’t get much better than that!
Why are the bots surprised when told they have to watch two episodes? They were there when the mads announced it (the first time in a while they’ve been there for the Invention Exchange).
The cliffhanger-solution of the guy just jumping out of the car was probably used more than any other in serials.
Servo: “Upon further review, the refs find that Cody is dead. The play stands. Cody is dead.”
I think this is wishful thinking on Servo’s part.
This one guy looks dead. I’m serious; he has deep, dark shadows under his eyes and looks like a zombie.
I love how the moon-man threatens to report the gangster to the authorities if he disobeys him; I’m sure the testimony of an invading alien would be simply damning.
Random action sequence where bad guys try to rob bank and shoot and get shot a lot.
And I love how the Moon men’s mission is put on hold because they’ve run out of money! You’ve got to love the scripting in these things. And the alien commander suggests kidnapping!
Crow: “Hey, this bra is coming along nicely!” (you just have to see it)
Man, this random scientist kicks ass!
Crow: “I told you once, I told you a thousand times, we’re not rounding off Pi to 4!”
Kidnapped heroine! Now all the most awesome aspects of serials have been accounted for!
Cody shows up JUST as the bad guys drive off with the girl! I’m serious, he pulls in just as they pull out.
Joel: “Be on the look-out for two men and a babe. May be armed with a giant experimental, stainless steel brassiere.”
Servo sneezes! How does he do that? He’s a robot! (I guess Josh Weinstein really sneezed and they try to cover it. They do pretty well)
Another awesome thing about these things; the bad guy and Cody shoot out in MID-AIR! With revolvers! The bad guy just shoots out the plane window! Man, they’d be lucky if the bullets even went in the right cardinal direction!
Bad guy runs out of bullets, just decides to crash the plane. He just points it down and pulls the wheel off. It’s that simple. And jumps out with a parachute! Man, the world is a sadder place for that you don’t see stuff like this in the movies anymore.
Cody, you moron, you’ve got a flying suit! Just grab her and get out!
And another episode already! It’s generally not a good idea to watch serials back-to-back like this, as they weren’t designed for it. Serials were meant to be seen one-a-week and it’s best to stagger then when you watch.
Crow and Servo try to ditch! They’d try the same thing many seasons later for ‘Hobgoblins.’
I like Servo’s repeated assertion “You can’t make me! You can’t make me!”
Joel: “I’m surrounded by idiots of my own design!” That’s a little harsh. He’s kind of mean sometimes.
So, he has to tell her to grab the parachute sitting in plain sight? The heroines in these things weren’t generally known for their independence or pro-activeness. Though they generally were pretty chipper and rebounded wonderfully from near-death experiences, like here.
Now they’re shooting from a moving car at a flying object! And he hit him! God, I love this!
I just noticed that the moon-city looks like it was made entirely with model city-halls!
Even the moon-chief points out that it’s ridiculous that plans to invade the Earth are upset because they’ve run out of money!
Scene fades out in the middle of his sentence! This is the second time this has happened.
Another car chase.
Crow: “Meanwhile, back at the Cody institute for scientists who get pummeled…”
Joel has giant dart! Servo begs him not to throw it, since he’ll ruin the scene. These guys were pretty weird sometimes.
Another mid-sentence fade out.
Crow: “Alright, give me a snow-cone and two bon-bons.” (as bad guy holds up what looks like the good-humor man).
And another car chase!
First Host Segment: The physics of Cody. This reminds me of Mythbusters a bit. They point out the impossibilities of Cody and other sci-fi impossibilities. Joel brings up Bumblebees and the bots break down. They were a lot more like robots in those days; later they basically became little robotic people.
Robot Monster! One of the great films! George Nader later showed up in ‘Human Duplicators,’ but we’ll save that for now.
George Barrows! One of the great Ape-men; he specialized in playing gorillas and the like. He wasn’t as famous as some other gorilla actors, but he did act alongside some of Hollywoods best and brightest (that was not at all sarcastic; check this cast out: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0047041/ )
Elmer Bernstein, who composed some of the great film scores (The Magnificent Seven, the Great Escape, and many more), also did the music for this movie!
Joel: “Stop torturing that cat!”
Crow: “It’s the band ‘Stop Us if we Become Annoying’”
Incidentally, this is Bronson Cavern; a perennial favorite of Sci-fi films right up to the present day (it was also the Bat-Cave on the Batman TV Show)
Stock footage of slurpasaur fight! It’s really kind of unpleasant to watch, since, of course, it’s a real caiman and a real monitor lizard thrown together and encouraged to fight. In spite of this, I still kind of enjoy this footage whenever it shows up (and in this kind of movie, it shows up all the time). It just is so indicative of the weird, somewhat unethical processes that went into these things.
Crow: “Ah! I win!”
You have to hear him say it.
The revelation of Ro-Man! One of the great monsters of all time! You see, Phil Tucker, the film’s director/producer couldn’t afford a real robot costume even of the cheapest kind, so he contacted George Barrows, who owned his own ape-suit. So, Ro-Man is an Ape-suit with one of the moon-men’s helmets from ‘Commando Cody’ (which I suspect was stolen). You really have to see him to believe him. Or, as an alternative, check out the screen-shots in the links above.
Naked exposition; shouldn’t they have told Johnny this earlier?
God, this is a great movie!
I wonder what Ro-Man must be thinking during this monologue? “Uh, hello? I’m the destroyer of the world, can we focus on ME now?”
Second Host Segment: Servo and Crow playing Ro-Man and the Great One. It’s great. “Why have you not killed the human?” “Because he gives me crunchy treats.” So many great lines here! It’s one of the best segments of Season 1.
Roy: “Who does he experiment on?”
Joel: “Monkeys?”
Actually, on his family!
Annoying, romantic, pretty sexist montage of working on the viewscreen.
Joel: “You’d think that if he were going to rule the world, he would pick a better spot than the cave.”
Crow: “He could have had a V-8! Joke, Joel! Joke!”
I don’t know why Joel is so angry.
Best. Special Effects. Sequence. EVER! Wait till you see it!
Actually good line (well, I like it anyway); “Out of Two Billion there are Six!”
Yeah, let’s negotiate with the monster that killed practically everyone on Earth.
Another montage of work! These are probably the most hated scenes in the movie.
God, I love Ro-Man! He’s one of the great characters of cinema, and I am not being sarcastic at all.
Servo: “Okay, now tilt the camera down a bit…”
Skipped a few scenes here and there.
Man, Barrows was a great guy; he walks up slag-heaps and hills, in an ape-suit, in the summer, in California, and remember, HE WASN’T PAID! He did it as a favor!
Johnny: “I wanted to find out what you had against me.”
Crow: “Your voice for starters.”
Johnny spills the beans to Ro-Man, basically because the kid’s an idiot.
Johnny’s parents are pretty lenient about how Johnny doomed mankind.
One of the most nauseating romantic scenes ever. Joel is in top form translating their sign-language love.
You know, this movie is pretty explicit for its time, at least in how specific its implications are.
Carla: “Have you been playing house?”
Crow: “In a way, in a way!”
Come on Roy! I know it’s the apocalypse, but at least put your friggin shirt on!
In a different movie with a better script and a better actor, the Professor’s speech here might have been actually quite moving. It’s not, but it might have been. In fact, this whole scene might have been rather poignant; at the end of the world, people trying to keep up faith and traditions. Again, here it’s just lame and ridiculous, but in a different film…
They just let Carla run off in the wrong direction! They just watch her toddle off in the opposite direction of home, and right into Ro-Man! They don’t even care!
And Carla is dead! Again, this movie does things that might surprise you!
Third Host Segment: The movie is getting to them, so Joel discusses surrealism. It’s no match for the last segment, but the simple randomness keeps it amusing.
I love Ro-Man’s conversations with the Great One; here is some of the funniest dialogue ever written.
Ro-Man is totally kicking Roy’s ass! Now he’s strangling him and drops him off a cliff! Man, I love Ro-Man.
Joel: “Beautiful maidens in the hands of hideous beasts; this is my kind of movie.”
You said it!
I have to wonder what filming must have been like; George Barrows and Claudia Barret (Alice) must have had an interesting time together.
Romantic hero is dead.
Joel gets really mad at Ro-Man here (for good-reason; Ro-Man just tore Alice’s dress off. I’m not kidding).
This is one of the most ridiculous scenes in history; Ro-Man keeps trying to molest Alice, but each time gets called back to the view-screen.
By the way, Alice just tied herself up in the mother of all continuity errors.
Ro-Man: “Yes! To be like the Hu-Man! To laugh! Feel! Want! Why are these things not in the plan?” I love Ro-Man with an everlasting love!
Crow: “I’ve hired an idiot!”
And Ro-Man kills our child hero, then gets killed himself.
Stock footage from ‘Lost Continent,’ to be seen next season.
And basically the same stuff we saw at the beginning of the movie.
Crow: “Eyah!”
Again, you have to see it.
And the big twist; IT WAS ALL A DREAM!!
OR WAS IT???
Their Déjà vu bit is good.
By the way, no one I’ve heard talk about this film ever pointed out that it is actually the Great One coming out of the cave, not Ro-Man. You can tell, because the helmets are different.
Final Host Segment: Really bizarre discussion of the film while dressed in trash-bags.
Dr. F: “Could we have sent a stranger man into space?”
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
6. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
7. Robot Monster (although it is easily the most entertaining film yet shown)
Conclusion: A great film, decent riffing, and one classic host segment make this a winner for Season 1
Final Rating: 7.5/10
Saturday, October 11, 2008
MST3K – Episode 106: The Crawling Hand
Okay! The Crawling Hand! I’d rather been looking forward to this one and…well, it didn’t disappoint too much. The riffing is funny, some of the best so far, but the host segments are pretty lame, except for Joel’s invention exchange. Again, Dr. Earhart doesn’t wear well.
The movie is a lame sci-fi thriller from 1963, although it might just as well been made during the fifties. There’s some unintentional humor, and some of the enjoyable stupidity of fifties sci-fi. The titular hand only shows up briefly and even in its brief screen time pulls off any number of impossibilities. For a nice rundown of the film’s charms, check out the Jabootu.com review here (seriously, if you haven’t partaken of the comedic gold mine that is Jabootu’s, you don’t know what you’re missing): http://www.jabootu.com/vcmayohone.htm#c
Anyway, the film revolves around an astronaut who is possessed by an alien life form, then blown up and his arm lands on a beach near a small town, where it is found by a teen boy, who takes it back to his house (they’re vague on why, but I think it’s for science or something). It kills his landlady and possesses him, Sheriff Alan Hale suspects him of the landlady’s murder, and the government’s finest show up to investigate and are blockaded by Alan Hale (in addition to their own general incompetence). After this is all set up, things just kind of sit there for a while, the kid tries to kill a couple people (including his girlfriend), then fights the hand in a dump, where it…well, you’ll see what happens below. Everything works out alright for the kid, he is basically declared not guilty by reason of possession by alien life form, his semi-Swedish girlfriend agrees to stay with him, and then there’s a kicker ending. The film is goofy enough to keep interest and the riffing is fun, so a pretty decent episode.
Thoughts while watching:
First opening segment! (Not counting ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet’ which was filmed later). Joel explains the premise. Also the first appearance of the buttons.
Vacuflowers? I think they’re a holdover from the KTMA days
Joel’s invention is pretty funny; It’s clearly straight from his standup act. The mads’ invention isn’t quite as funny, and Dr. Earhart is really wearing on me. I can’t wait for Frank.
Again, no bots until the theater
First appearance by Alain Hale Jr.! He would show up on Mst3k with some regularity.
And by Allison Hayes, who has a brief role as a secretary. I didn’t even recognize her here; she’ll show up in three further episodes.
Secretary: “It’s the press.”
Servo: “Tell them I’m smoking”
Servo: “Hey! Scientists shouldn’t litter!”
Their riffs during the ‘angry conversation/slapping the table’ is good.
The astronaut’s strained ‘kill! Kill!’ is pretty funny.
Crow: “And then the tap ran out”
Fly noise is good too!
This movie is pretty wordy so far.
“No _, not allowed.” Would later be one of their catchphrases.
Crow: “Take a lesson from these teeners, twist your troubles away!”
The sound in this movie is terrible.
Crow: “He looks like a cross between Jerry Mathers and James Dean!” There’s a combo!
Servo: “Beaver without a cause.” Brilliant!
First Host Segment: bowling. Who’s voice is that? I think it might be Cambot! There’s a reference to ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors,” which would appear a few seasons down the way in a rather nasty form. It must be said, this is one of those rather dreary segments, which Joel had several of.
Servo: “You’re all those things and less,”
Woah! They’re getting naked…oh their just putting their swim suits on. There are some close calls, though…
Servo (As the girl looks at the camera): “Hi! I’m Tom Servo”
Crow: “If the gun doesn’t kill him, the stew will.”
Crow: “If you want to catch a human hand, you’ve got to think like a human hand…”
And make with the hand/arm puns.
So, he finds the hand and hides it in the landlady’s kitchen.
Crow: “Yes, you’ve proved that they are rats.”
Back to the scientists; lots of yelling.
Scientist: “(Elmer) is a very distinguished rat.”
Joel: “Perhaps you’ve heard of his glue.”
Hand is up and knocking stuff over on the shelf. Landlady is up with her gun…
What the…how did the hand get all the way up to his room? How did it get through the door?
Huh…now it’s in her room…what the hell is going on!?
Actually a pretty good fake scare with a hand reaching over the pillow towards her…which turns out to be her own.
This is the third or fourth time she’s gotten up in the past five minutes!
How the hell did the hand jump up like that? And why is it in her room?
Kid expresses little-to-no emotion upon discovering the dead landlady.
Alan Hale Jr. as the sheriff! Yeah!
Second host segment: they pretend to be strangled while imitating William Shatner. Frankly, it’s pretty lame, especially for someone who isn’t familiar with Star Trek (like me).
This might be their very first ‘Operator/phone voice.’ It grew into one of their most common and most funny running gags.
They do some pretty funny ‘cat noises’ here.
So, they immediately decide to send the fingerprints to Washington? This case is about a half-an-hour old! Aren’t they a little premature?
So much for the ‘out like a light’ idea; the kid is walking around calling people right after taking the sedatives.
Another ‘telephone’ bit! These are some of my favorites.
Okay, he’s passing out now, so why did he make the call?
Now the hand’s got him!
The hand feeling around the guy must have been interesting to film. They probably burst out laughing in at least a couple takes.
Really great ambulance drivers; they immediately try to get drunk and when they find another body they panic and want to leave him. I hope I never have an emergency in that town.
Hey, where’s Servo going? He just wanders over to the other side of the theater for a little bit then goes back.
Hale pretty much plays the role completely straight, which is pretty interesting to see. He’s really not bad; no worse than many such actors I’ve seen in such roles.
Kid makes recording; it reminds me of the one in ‘It Lives By Night,’ ten seasons down the road
Joel makes violin motions as the kid records.
Kid goes nuts and smashes the recorder.
Lots of ‘Gilligan’ jokes for Hale.
Hale wonders why Washington is getting involved. Uh, because you asked them about it, maybe?
Crow: “Oh, it’s not a pimple, it’s my nose!”
Joel (old lady voice): “Norman! Get away from window, Norman!”
So, is the kid possessed or what? Why is he helping the G-men? I guess he’s only sometimes possessed, but still, this could be plotted better.
Yeah, how did the girlfriend get in? I guess the cop must have been around back, but still.
Rather ridiculous scene where G-Men check the landlady’s body in the mortuary. Kind of funny, but more just silly.
Servo: “Oh, the crawling bladder.”
Really lame G-men here; they get beaten up by the kid.
Wait, why couldn’t the cop see the kid? What’s going on!?
Possessed-Kid randomly kills café-owner. Who, incidentally clumsily turns off the lights when attacked and knocks on the jukebox. No, wait, he’s still alive; kid comes to his senses in time.
Third host segment; discussing what makes a hand scary. Not too funny, even when Gypsy shows up in a giant hand costume.
Girlfriend’s accent comes and goes and it’s very minor at the best of times.
And the hand is back…no, wait, it’s the kid. The titular hand has barely done squat so far! It killed the landlady and possessed the kid, then disappeared. Way to make use of your monster, guys.
Kid is a pretty lame actor, but he does get some genuine pathos out of his struggled explanation to his girlfriend.
Goes crazy, tries to kill girlfriend. I don’t know why she freaks out so much when he turns to look at her; he just has some extra eyeliner, it’s not like he turned into a werewolf of anything.
Again, it’s pretty interesting to see Hale acting serious; he really doesn’t do a bad job. I kind of like him.
And girlfriend has pretty much snapped.
Crow: “Let’s see, if I were a hand, where would I hide? My sleeve!”
What the…how did the hand get up there?!
Servo’s right; this cop does have a lame job…guarding the (now empty) house.
Hand creeps up the back of the car; jumps at kid. That’s a pretty iconic shot.
Joel: “You can it’s a low budget movie because they couldn’t afford to wreck the car.”
Now the hand is finally in the film again and just kind of wandering around.
How could the hand trip him? It has no leverage, it should just go with the foot.
Alan Hale kind of snaps! Cool! Angry, crazy, Alan Hale Jr.!
Cats eat the hand! Again; the monster is defeated by being EATEN BY CATS!! That has to be the lamest monster fate until the Incredible Melting Man some fifteen years later (we’ll get to that in due time). Heck, it might even be lamer.
Kid collapses as the hand is eaten; carried off by Hale (Alan looks like he’s having trouble).
I’m kind of surprised the kid is still alive!
Crow (as Hale): “I’m off for a three-hour tour!”
Wow, happy ending. I honestly did not expect that.
Oh, great, they entrust the hand to those moronic ambulance guys.
And…they open it. God these guys are idiots!
Servo: “Well, there was that beer, dead-body thing.”
Final Segment: Ram chips for good-bad thing and letters. Letter: “Joel, I would like you to take apart Servo.”
Crow: “Can I help?” Servo is not amused.
Mads: Dr. Earhart is bullying Dr. F. with his long arms. It’s kind of unusual to see Dr. F being punished.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
6. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
Conclusion: ‘Meh’ movie and generally lame host segments, but some pretty good riffing (indeed, some of the most active and enjoyable riffing so far).
Final Rating: 6/10.
The movie is a lame sci-fi thriller from 1963, although it might just as well been made during the fifties. There’s some unintentional humor, and some of the enjoyable stupidity of fifties sci-fi. The titular hand only shows up briefly and even in its brief screen time pulls off any number of impossibilities. For a nice rundown of the film’s charms, check out the Jabootu.com review here (seriously, if you haven’t partaken of the comedic gold mine that is Jabootu’s, you don’t know what you’re missing): http://www.jabootu.com/vcmayohone.htm#c
Anyway, the film revolves around an astronaut who is possessed by an alien life form, then blown up and his arm lands on a beach near a small town, where it is found by a teen boy, who takes it back to his house (they’re vague on why, but I think it’s for science or something). It kills his landlady and possesses him, Sheriff Alan Hale suspects him of the landlady’s murder, and the government’s finest show up to investigate and are blockaded by Alan Hale (in addition to their own general incompetence). After this is all set up, things just kind of sit there for a while, the kid tries to kill a couple people (including his girlfriend), then fights the hand in a dump, where it…well, you’ll see what happens below. Everything works out alright for the kid, he is basically declared not guilty by reason of possession by alien life form, his semi-Swedish girlfriend agrees to stay with him, and then there’s a kicker ending. The film is goofy enough to keep interest and the riffing is fun, so a pretty decent episode.
Thoughts while watching:
First opening segment! (Not counting ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet’ which was filmed later). Joel explains the premise. Also the first appearance of the buttons.
Vacuflowers? I think they’re a holdover from the KTMA days
Joel’s invention is pretty funny; It’s clearly straight from his standup act. The mads’ invention isn’t quite as funny, and Dr. Earhart is really wearing on me. I can’t wait for Frank.
Again, no bots until the theater
First appearance by Alain Hale Jr.! He would show up on Mst3k with some regularity.
And by Allison Hayes, who has a brief role as a secretary. I didn’t even recognize her here; she’ll show up in three further episodes.
Secretary: “It’s the press.”
Servo: “Tell them I’m smoking”
Servo: “Hey! Scientists shouldn’t litter!”
Their riffs during the ‘angry conversation/slapping the table’ is good.
The astronaut’s strained ‘kill! Kill!’ is pretty funny.
Crow: “And then the tap ran out”
Fly noise is good too!
This movie is pretty wordy so far.
“No _, not allowed.” Would later be one of their catchphrases.
Crow: “Take a lesson from these teeners, twist your troubles away!”
The sound in this movie is terrible.
Crow: “He looks like a cross between Jerry Mathers and James Dean!” There’s a combo!
Servo: “Beaver without a cause.” Brilliant!
First Host Segment: bowling. Who’s voice is that? I think it might be Cambot! There’s a reference to ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors,” which would appear a few seasons down the way in a rather nasty form. It must be said, this is one of those rather dreary segments, which Joel had several of.
Servo: “You’re all those things and less,”
Woah! They’re getting naked…oh their just putting their swim suits on. There are some close calls, though…
Servo (As the girl looks at the camera): “Hi! I’m Tom Servo”
Crow: “If the gun doesn’t kill him, the stew will.”
Crow: “If you want to catch a human hand, you’ve got to think like a human hand…”
And make with the hand/arm puns.
So, he finds the hand and hides it in the landlady’s kitchen.
Crow: “Yes, you’ve proved that they are rats.”
Back to the scientists; lots of yelling.
Scientist: “(Elmer) is a very distinguished rat.”
Joel: “Perhaps you’ve heard of his glue.”
Hand is up and knocking stuff over on the shelf. Landlady is up with her gun…
What the…how did the hand get all the way up to his room? How did it get through the door?
Huh…now it’s in her room…what the hell is going on!?
Actually a pretty good fake scare with a hand reaching over the pillow towards her…which turns out to be her own.
This is the third or fourth time she’s gotten up in the past five minutes!
How the hell did the hand jump up like that? And why is it in her room?
Kid expresses little-to-no emotion upon discovering the dead landlady.
Alan Hale Jr. as the sheriff! Yeah!
Second host segment: they pretend to be strangled while imitating William Shatner. Frankly, it’s pretty lame, especially for someone who isn’t familiar with Star Trek (like me).
This might be their very first ‘Operator/phone voice.’ It grew into one of their most common and most funny running gags.
They do some pretty funny ‘cat noises’ here.
So, they immediately decide to send the fingerprints to Washington? This case is about a half-an-hour old! Aren’t they a little premature?
So much for the ‘out like a light’ idea; the kid is walking around calling people right after taking the sedatives.
Another ‘telephone’ bit! These are some of my favorites.
Okay, he’s passing out now, so why did he make the call?
Now the hand’s got him!
The hand feeling around the guy must have been interesting to film. They probably burst out laughing in at least a couple takes.
Really great ambulance drivers; they immediately try to get drunk and when they find another body they panic and want to leave him. I hope I never have an emergency in that town.
Hey, where’s Servo going? He just wanders over to the other side of the theater for a little bit then goes back.
Hale pretty much plays the role completely straight, which is pretty interesting to see. He’s really not bad; no worse than many such actors I’ve seen in such roles.
Kid makes recording; it reminds me of the one in ‘It Lives By Night,’ ten seasons down the road
Joel makes violin motions as the kid records.
Kid goes nuts and smashes the recorder.
Lots of ‘Gilligan’ jokes for Hale.
Hale wonders why Washington is getting involved. Uh, because you asked them about it, maybe?
Crow: “Oh, it’s not a pimple, it’s my nose!”
Joel (old lady voice): “Norman! Get away from window, Norman!”
So, is the kid possessed or what? Why is he helping the G-men? I guess he’s only sometimes possessed, but still, this could be plotted better.
Yeah, how did the girlfriend get in? I guess the cop must have been around back, but still.
Rather ridiculous scene where G-Men check the landlady’s body in the mortuary. Kind of funny, but more just silly.
Servo: “Oh, the crawling bladder.”
Really lame G-men here; they get beaten up by the kid.
Wait, why couldn’t the cop see the kid? What’s going on!?
Possessed-Kid randomly kills café-owner. Who, incidentally clumsily turns off the lights when attacked and knocks on the jukebox. No, wait, he’s still alive; kid comes to his senses in time.
Third host segment; discussing what makes a hand scary. Not too funny, even when Gypsy shows up in a giant hand costume.
Girlfriend’s accent comes and goes and it’s very minor at the best of times.
And the hand is back…no, wait, it’s the kid. The titular hand has barely done squat so far! It killed the landlady and possessed the kid, then disappeared. Way to make use of your monster, guys.
Kid is a pretty lame actor, but he does get some genuine pathos out of his struggled explanation to his girlfriend.
Goes crazy, tries to kill girlfriend. I don’t know why she freaks out so much when he turns to look at her; he just has some extra eyeliner, it’s not like he turned into a werewolf of anything.
Again, it’s pretty interesting to see Hale acting serious; he really doesn’t do a bad job. I kind of like him.
And girlfriend has pretty much snapped.
Crow: “Let’s see, if I were a hand, where would I hide? My sleeve!”
What the…how did the hand get up there?!
Servo’s right; this cop does have a lame job…guarding the (now empty) house.
Hand creeps up the back of the car; jumps at kid. That’s a pretty iconic shot.
Joel: “You can it’s a low budget movie because they couldn’t afford to wreck the car.”
Now the hand is finally in the film again and just kind of wandering around.
How could the hand trip him? It has no leverage, it should just go with the foot.
Alan Hale kind of snaps! Cool! Angry, crazy, Alan Hale Jr.!
Cats eat the hand! Again; the monster is defeated by being EATEN BY CATS!! That has to be the lamest monster fate until the Incredible Melting Man some fifteen years later (we’ll get to that in due time). Heck, it might even be lamer.
Kid collapses as the hand is eaten; carried off by Hale (Alan looks like he’s having trouble).
I’m kind of surprised the kid is still alive!
Crow (as Hale): “I’m off for a three-hour tour!”
Wow, happy ending. I honestly did not expect that.
Oh, great, they entrust the hand to those moronic ambulance guys.
And…they open it. God these guys are idiots!
Servo: “Well, there was that beer, dead-body thing.”
Final Segment: Ram chips for good-bad thing and letters. Letter: “Joel, I would like you to take apart Servo.”
Crow: “Can I help?” Servo is not amused.
Mads: Dr. Earhart is bullying Dr. F. with his long arms. It’s kind of unusual to see Dr. F being punished.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Crawling Hand
4. The Corpse Vanishes
5. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
6. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
Conclusion: ‘Meh’ movie and generally lame host segments, but some pretty good riffing (indeed, some of the most active and enjoyable riffing so far).
Final Rating: 6/10.
Friday, October 10, 2008
MST3K – Episode 105: The Corpse Vanishes (With Short: Commando Cody and the Radar Men from the Moon, Part 3)
Again, sorry I’m late putting this one up.
Okay, so, ‘The Corpse Vanishes.’ This is a minor little horror film starring the great Bela Lugosi. It’s the standard plot of the mad scientist who keeps himself (or in this case, his wife) young by taking the life juice (or some such thing; the film is pretty vague on this point). To that end, he knocks out brides with a special orchid at the altar then steals their bodies with the help of his motley group of henchmen. Why he picks the most conspicuous time possible to steal them is never brought up, nor why he only targets brides. You’d think a handy prostitute would work just as well and be easier to steal without alerting the entire city. Anyway, a very insensitive young reporter is now on his trail, and of course he targets her, because she’s the heroine. She randomly falls in love with a doctor and Bela’s ill treatment of his henchmen comes back to bite him. The heroes really don’t do anything constructive at all. It’s a very bad movie, of course; I’d probably rate it the third worst one they’ve done so far, just above ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet’ and ‘Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy’ (see below for a new feature; the film quality list, which lists the actual relative quality of the movies watched).
Again we open with ‘Commando Cody’ and again, it’s pretty fun, even if it is pretty lame. God, I love serials! Really, if you ever get the chance, go check out ‘the Crimson Ghost,’ or ‘Mysterious Dr. Satan,’ or especially ‘Captain Marvel.’ You won’t be disappointed!
Anyway, host segment wise, again nothing too great here; Crow’s haircut segment is pretty amusing, as is some of their discussions about celebrity robots they’re reading about in the magazines, but nothing that really grabbed me.
Thoughts while watching:
Again open with the Mads. I got to say, Dr. Earhart kind of wears on me; his high voice and slightly over-blown mannerisms tend to annoy me more than amuse me. Josh Weinstein isn’t bad, but he’s definitely no Frank.
Joel’s invention here is pretty funny, and was actually the very first invention in the original pilot, which has long since been lost.
The Mads’ invention is pretty funny.
No bots until the theater again.
Servo’s singing the credits is pretty good.
Another Cody serial! And we get to see the stock footage from ‘Captain Marvel’ again, just to annoy us again.
I like Servo’s assertion that the entire camera crew was annihilated ‘but they got the shot.’
Incidentally, the ending to the cliffhanger is that they go down another passageway. Could that be any more anticlimatic?
Yeah, the evil moon men with vastly superior technology have practically found our ship, do you think we should go back to earth now?
Okay, that’s an awkward place for a radio; the moon-man cranking it up looks…. You’ll see what I mean if you ever see the serial. Modest ladies may wish to avert their eyes here.
Crow and Servo’s ‘fashion show’ lines are pretty funny.
“It looks like the Macy’s parade gone awry,” – Servo
I love how they have gangsters working with aliens. Does it get more awesome than that? (well, if the aliens weren’t just guys in cowls, maybe).
“Just keep turning and switching knobs until we’re down,” – Servo
So, to protect and greet the returning astronauts, they have two cops?
Hah! Servo tries to sneak off! Or something; he comments about how he ‘just wants to get noticed by all the babes.’
“Hey, you almost lost him in that last edit,” – Crow
Lame as this one is, I’ll say it again; I love serials. Even poorer ones like this are usually pretty fun.
First Host Segment. Is it just me or is this a little earlier than usual? Crow and Servo discuss celebrity robots. “Here’s Data’s spread-sheet,” It’s pretty amusing, but goes on a little long for my tastes.
“A corpse is a horse of corpse of corpse,” – Joel
The guy playing the husband is looking directly at the camera; they even comment on it.
The bride suddenly dropping dead is so random that it’s funny.
Bela Lugosi! Of course most famous for Dracula and other classic horror movies. God he was fun to watch; no matter what movie he was in, he gave it his all.
Joel says it well; “What a sensitive pair,” the old guy jokes, the woman reporter (presumably our heroine) is nothing short of gleeful at the story.
Naughty riff; Lady: “We want protection,” Joel: “You should have talk with your daughter about that earlier,” Yikes!
Girl: “You’re making much ado about nothing!”
Crow: “Hey, I thought Shakespeare wrote that?”
Cripes these reporters are cold!
Bride (trying to reassure her mother): “You should forget all that silly nonsense about those brides dropping dead!”
Hey, is this the first ‘he seemed like a nice enough guy…at first!’ gag?
Okay, brides are dropping like flies, so let’s put on the strange orchid given anonymously?
And the bride is dead.
And all the reporters can think of is what a great picture they got. And she’s supposed to be our heroine? I think we’ve spent enough time with her to make it official.
Ah, the old ‘flaming car to distract/divert cops’ trick. Works every time.
“Yeah, but don’t bother putting it out,” – Crow on the flaming car.
By the way, the silhouettes look kind of highlighted here; a few episodes later they would be colored green, maybe it began here.
Are there really that many huge, creepy mansions in the country? Because I want one if there are.
“Evil henchman Mike,” – Joel.
Is it just me or is that the exact same laboratory from ‘Mad Monster’?
“Now you might feel a little sting…” *Shriek!!* “Okay, a big sting,” – Crow
One of Lugosi’s specialties was as evil, but nevertheless sympathetic mad scientists. That’s basically what he’s playing here; he gets some genuine sympathy from his devotion to his wife, even though he kills people for it.
Second Host Segment; a game of tag. Not particularly funny, but we get to see Joel running down the hallway to the theater.
I agree with Servo; I like those skirts too. Don’t like the girl too much, but the skirt is nice.
I think we just met out hero. I like Joel and the Bots joining in the introductions.
Lugosi has a lot of different henchmen; hunchback, midget, creepy witch-lady, the works.
Lugosi plays it up on the organ! Doesn’t get much cooler!
God, I love Lugosi; why did he have to lose his career and die?
I don’t care how bad the weather is; if a creepy mad scientist with an odd accent invites you to stay the night in an old mansion, DON’T ACCEPT!!
“She’s got legs and she knows how to use them!” – Joel as Lugosi.
“This is much better than my old passage through the sock drawer,” – Servo as Lugosi
“I’ve got to go back here and talk to the lion and the witch,” – Servo as Lugosi enters a wardrobe
How many variants of the ‘You must have been dreaming’ line has there been over the years? Probably thousands by the time this movie was made.
“Maybe they could douse him with something flammable and then hold a candle to him,” – Crow
Very long and tedious basement sequence where we can’t tell who’s following who.
Another Host segment already! Maybe it’s just the movie isn’t holding my interest very much. Crow cuts Joel’s hair. Tom is still reading the magazine from segment 2. Crow randomly goes into a description of a clown massacre “Gasoline and Clown white all over the road,” It’s not the funniest segment, but it is mildly amusing.
I love Joel dusting our hero’s shirt off!
So, she knows he might have been hypnotized but nevertheless tells him her secret information?
Joel keeps cleaning our hero’s shirt! And the editor! Now he’s got a big push-broom!
Pseudo science; did you know that glands determine all appearance and development.
Our heroine is so stiff she fails utterly to get any humor out of her Freudian slip.
Reporter: “Business before pleasure,”
Joel: “You think it’d be a pleasure to dance with him?”
Ah, Lugosi…
Ah, the old ‘we trap him by surrounding the area with guards.’ When has that ever worked at any time in film history?
God, they are acting so obviously like police! You’re supposed to be tricking the villain, you idiots!
Hero proposes to heroine in the middle of the phony wedding. He’s known her for about a week at the most. I really over think this romance stuff, don’t I?
Heroine easily tricked and captured, villain outsmarts police. Anyone surprised?
So, the policeman misses and hits the midget? What was he aiming for, Bela’s knees? Either way, he’s a pretty poor shot.
Heroine about to be drained by villain. Tension? Zero.
VERY oblique depiction of a stabbing. Witch-lady turns on Bela for not caring about her two henchmen sons.
Wife: “Your hand is unsteady!”
Servo: “Of course it’s unsteady I’ve just been stabbed by a second rate character actress,”
This doesn’t make our heroes look much better; basically they win because the villains turned on each-other and were generally incompetent.
Final Host Segment; good-thing, bad thing about the movie. Servo’s head explodes trying to think of a good thing about the movie. First time!
Film quality list so far (Best film to worst film)
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Corpse Vanishes
4. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
5. Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy (although personally I enjoyed it a lot more than ‘Prehistoric Planet’)
Final Rating: 5/10
Okay, so, ‘The Corpse Vanishes.’ This is a minor little horror film starring the great Bela Lugosi. It’s the standard plot of the mad scientist who keeps himself (or in this case, his wife) young by taking the life juice (or some such thing; the film is pretty vague on this point). To that end, he knocks out brides with a special orchid at the altar then steals their bodies with the help of his motley group of henchmen. Why he picks the most conspicuous time possible to steal them is never brought up, nor why he only targets brides. You’d think a handy prostitute would work just as well and be easier to steal without alerting the entire city. Anyway, a very insensitive young reporter is now on his trail, and of course he targets her, because she’s the heroine. She randomly falls in love with a doctor and Bela’s ill treatment of his henchmen comes back to bite him. The heroes really don’t do anything constructive at all. It’s a very bad movie, of course; I’d probably rate it the third worst one they’ve done so far, just above ‘Women of the Prehistoric Planet’ and ‘Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy’ (see below for a new feature; the film quality list, which lists the actual relative quality of the movies watched).
Again we open with ‘Commando Cody’ and again, it’s pretty fun, even if it is pretty lame. God, I love serials! Really, if you ever get the chance, go check out ‘the Crimson Ghost,’ or ‘Mysterious Dr. Satan,’ or especially ‘Captain Marvel.’ You won’t be disappointed!
Anyway, host segment wise, again nothing too great here; Crow’s haircut segment is pretty amusing, as is some of their discussions about celebrity robots they’re reading about in the magazines, but nothing that really grabbed me.
Thoughts while watching:
Again open with the Mads. I got to say, Dr. Earhart kind of wears on me; his high voice and slightly over-blown mannerisms tend to annoy me more than amuse me. Josh Weinstein isn’t bad, but he’s definitely no Frank.
Joel’s invention here is pretty funny, and was actually the very first invention in the original pilot, which has long since been lost.
The Mads’ invention is pretty funny.
No bots until the theater again.
Servo’s singing the credits is pretty good.
Another Cody serial! And we get to see the stock footage from ‘Captain Marvel’ again, just to annoy us again.
I like Servo’s assertion that the entire camera crew was annihilated ‘but they got the shot.’
Incidentally, the ending to the cliffhanger is that they go down another passageway. Could that be any more anticlimatic?
Yeah, the evil moon men with vastly superior technology have practically found our ship, do you think we should go back to earth now?
Okay, that’s an awkward place for a radio; the moon-man cranking it up looks…. You’ll see what I mean if you ever see the serial. Modest ladies may wish to avert their eyes here.
Crow and Servo’s ‘fashion show’ lines are pretty funny.
“It looks like the Macy’s parade gone awry,” – Servo
I love how they have gangsters working with aliens. Does it get more awesome than that? (well, if the aliens weren’t just guys in cowls, maybe).
“Just keep turning and switching knobs until we’re down,” – Servo
So, to protect and greet the returning astronauts, they have two cops?
Hah! Servo tries to sneak off! Or something; he comments about how he ‘just wants to get noticed by all the babes.’
“Hey, you almost lost him in that last edit,” – Crow
Lame as this one is, I’ll say it again; I love serials. Even poorer ones like this are usually pretty fun.
First Host Segment. Is it just me or is this a little earlier than usual? Crow and Servo discuss celebrity robots. “Here’s Data’s spread-sheet,” It’s pretty amusing, but goes on a little long for my tastes.
“A corpse is a horse of corpse of corpse,” – Joel
The guy playing the husband is looking directly at the camera; they even comment on it.
The bride suddenly dropping dead is so random that it’s funny.
Bela Lugosi! Of course most famous for Dracula and other classic horror movies. God he was fun to watch; no matter what movie he was in, he gave it his all.
Joel says it well; “What a sensitive pair,” the old guy jokes, the woman reporter (presumably our heroine) is nothing short of gleeful at the story.
Naughty riff; Lady: “We want protection,” Joel: “You should have talk with your daughter about that earlier,” Yikes!
Girl: “You’re making much ado about nothing!”
Crow: “Hey, I thought Shakespeare wrote that?”
Cripes these reporters are cold!
Bride (trying to reassure her mother): “You should forget all that silly nonsense about those brides dropping dead!”
Hey, is this the first ‘he seemed like a nice enough guy…at first!’ gag?
Okay, brides are dropping like flies, so let’s put on the strange orchid given anonymously?
And the bride is dead.
And all the reporters can think of is what a great picture they got. And she’s supposed to be our heroine? I think we’ve spent enough time with her to make it official.
Ah, the old ‘flaming car to distract/divert cops’ trick. Works every time.
“Yeah, but don’t bother putting it out,” – Crow on the flaming car.
By the way, the silhouettes look kind of highlighted here; a few episodes later they would be colored green, maybe it began here.
Are there really that many huge, creepy mansions in the country? Because I want one if there are.
“Evil henchman Mike,” – Joel.
Is it just me or is that the exact same laboratory from ‘Mad Monster’?
“Now you might feel a little sting…” *Shriek!!* “Okay, a big sting,” – Crow
One of Lugosi’s specialties was as evil, but nevertheless sympathetic mad scientists. That’s basically what he’s playing here; he gets some genuine sympathy from his devotion to his wife, even though he kills people for it.
Second Host Segment; a game of tag. Not particularly funny, but we get to see Joel running down the hallway to the theater.
I agree with Servo; I like those skirts too. Don’t like the girl too much, but the skirt is nice.
I think we just met out hero. I like Joel and the Bots joining in the introductions.
Lugosi has a lot of different henchmen; hunchback, midget, creepy witch-lady, the works.
Lugosi plays it up on the organ! Doesn’t get much cooler!
God, I love Lugosi; why did he have to lose his career and die?
I don’t care how bad the weather is; if a creepy mad scientist with an odd accent invites you to stay the night in an old mansion, DON’T ACCEPT!!
“She’s got legs and she knows how to use them!” – Joel as Lugosi.
“This is much better than my old passage through the sock drawer,” – Servo as Lugosi
“I’ve got to go back here and talk to the lion and the witch,” – Servo as Lugosi enters a wardrobe
How many variants of the ‘You must have been dreaming’ line has there been over the years? Probably thousands by the time this movie was made.
“Maybe they could douse him with something flammable and then hold a candle to him,” – Crow
Very long and tedious basement sequence where we can’t tell who’s following who.
Another Host segment already! Maybe it’s just the movie isn’t holding my interest very much. Crow cuts Joel’s hair. Tom is still reading the magazine from segment 2. Crow randomly goes into a description of a clown massacre “Gasoline and Clown white all over the road,” It’s not the funniest segment, but it is mildly amusing.
I love Joel dusting our hero’s shirt off!
So, she knows he might have been hypnotized but nevertheless tells him her secret information?
Joel keeps cleaning our hero’s shirt! And the editor! Now he’s got a big push-broom!
Pseudo science; did you know that glands determine all appearance and development.
Our heroine is so stiff she fails utterly to get any humor out of her Freudian slip.
Reporter: “Business before pleasure,”
Joel: “You think it’d be a pleasure to dance with him?”
Ah, Lugosi…
Ah, the old ‘we trap him by surrounding the area with guards.’ When has that ever worked at any time in film history?
God, they are acting so obviously like police! You’re supposed to be tricking the villain, you idiots!
Hero proposes to heroine in the middle of the phony wedding. He’s known her for about a week at the most. I really over think this romance stuff, don’t I?
Heroine easily tricked and captured, villain outsmarts police. Anyone surprised?
So, the policeman misses and hits the midget? What was he aiming for, Bela’s knees? Either way, he’s a pretty poor shot.
Heroine about to be drained by villain. Tension? Zero.
VERY oblique depiction of a stabbing. Witch-lady turns on Bela for not caring about her two henchmen sons.
Wife: “Your hand is unsteady!”
Servo: “Of course it’s unsteady I’ve just been stabbed by a second rate character actress,”
This doesn’t make our heroes look much better; basically they win because the villains turned on each-other and were generally incompetent.
Final Host Segment; good-thing, bad thing about the movie. Servo’s head explodes trying to think of a good thing about the movie. First time!
Film quality list so far (Best film to worst film)
1. The Crawling Eye
2. Mad Monster
3. The Corpse Vanishes
4. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
5. Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy (although personally I enjoyed it a lot more than ‘Prehistoric Planet’)
Final Rating: 5/10
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